


Courting Voldemort

by Genuka



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Cat Harry, Cat Harry Potter, Kitten Harry, M/M, Magical Contracts, Marriage Contracts, Random Updates, Rating May Change, Tags May Change, Warnings May Change, Work In Progress, courting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-23
Updated: 2016-04-14
Packaged: 2018-03-02 22:51:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 51,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2828882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Genuka/pseuds/Genuka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens when Harry asks Umbridge about courting Dark Lords?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Question Asked With Consequences

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MelsNoble](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelsNoble/gifts).



Harry woke from yet another dream about a dark haired teen with burning ruby eyes, covered in sweat. He slumped over in a combination of frustration and exhaustion. He'd been dreaming about Voldemort with the looks of an older Tom Riddle aside from the red eyes. The very eyes that, which as far as Harry knew, solely belonged to the resurrected serpent version. 

This wasn't the first time that Harry James Potter, Savior of the Wizarding World had woken up covered in cum after a dream about the man who, as far as he knew, had been trying to kill him since he was an infant. He also knew it also wasn't going to be the last. With a sigh the young man quietly got up and slipped into the bathroom to clean himself up. Next he softly called for a house elf, blushing the entire time.

"Elf." Harry called softly. 

Harry knew, calling this way, that he would get someone other than Dobby. Someone who was a bit less... rambunctious and loud. At the quiet pop he turned to find a clean young elf dressed in an old but well kept pillow case with holes for head and arms and the Hogwarts crest embroidered over where a heart would be in a human. 

"Hows can Kip be helpings Mister Student?" The elf asked even as it bowed low to Harry. 

"I'm afraid that I need a change of bedding." Harry said with a blush. "If you could just get me the new bedding I'll put the old stuff in the hamper after I've changed it. If you all don't want to be bothered when this happens again, you could just leave an extra set of sheets or something on the lower shelf of my bedside table. I hope I didn't bother you and I'm sorry I made more work for you guys."

"Is no problems Mister Student." Kip assured him. "Kip is beings happy to help. Mister Student should calls Kip whenevers he be needing help."

"Thank you." Harry said softly. Then quickly before the elf could start crying told him. "I'm used to being treated like a house elf whenever I have to stay with my relatives. I know how hard you guys work for us. Dobby is one of my friends, and yes I understand that most of you guys don't want to be free, and that Dobby is kinda weird for a house elf. I still haven't got Hermione to understand that yet. Sorry about her."

The elf stared at him as he mentally connected the dots then he started gaping at Harry before quickly popping away. He was gone less then a second before popping back with the change of bedding and instead of handing it to Harry, walked past him to change it himself. The only reluctant concession that Harry managed to get Kip to make was helping to put the sheets on the bed, with the simple expedient of doing one side at the same moment the elf did the other. This earned him a half hearted glare and a gentle push away from the bed. Harry just grinned back at the elf and didn't try to help anymore.

"Thank you. If Dobby is acting all hyper and getting in the way whenever you guys have to work, you guys can just tell him to make me a snack or check my stuff or something." Harry offered blushing again. "He's kinda attached to me."

"Kip is understanding. Kip is being greatful to Mr. Harry Potter sir. Dobby is sometimes being a nusince. Other elfs will all be happys to have something to tell Dobby to bes doing." The elf told him greatfully.

"Just one more thing." Harry said softly. "I can't believe I didn't think of it sooner. Could you all leave a box in each common room and keep it stocked with lots of Murtlap Essence? And any other _basic_ healing stuff like bandages? And instructions on how to use it all? If you need to buy it you have permission to just get the money from my vault. We've been using it on the wounds from the blood quill that Umbridge makes us use during detention."

"Blood Quills beings bad. Founders forbid theys use at Hoggywarts." Kip said scowling, before nodding sharply. "Elves wills be doing this. Wes will be placing healing boxes out in commons rooms."

"Thanks. It really means a lot to me." Harry said only to watch in amusement as this latest thank you finally sent Kip back to wherever he had come from just shy of bawling. Harry on the other hand simply shook his head and went back to bed half hoping and half scared of having another wet dream about a much more human looking Voldemort.

The next day Harry had an utterly absurd idea in the middle of DADA, which he preferred to think of as Defense half the time. The way the idea slammed into his mind and its shocking contents caused him to sit back in his seat, hard. This, unfortunately, drew the attention of everyone's favorite pink toad.

"Is something the matter with your assignment Mr. Potter?" Umbridge asked sweetly as she came and stood by his desk.

"No, nothing." Harry said quickly. His mind still reeling from the absurd idea.

"Tut, tut. That's yet another detention for lying. Now why don't you tell me what had you so shocked." Umbridge said evilly.

"Its embarrassing and doesn't really have to do with class." Harry admitted, after quickly deciding to cave to avoid further detention. She seemed to be simply waiting for an excuse to give him yet another one.

"I'm certain that it can't be that bad." Umbridge coaxed in a honeyed tone. "Why don't you just tell me and I'll decide what does and does not have to do with class."

"Well, I was just wondering... It sort of just struck me... If, like you've said, Voldemort- " Everyone flinched at the name which Harry gamely ignored and kept going, all while trying not to blush. "is finally gone for good. Even though he attacked me in first year while he was possessing Professor Quirrell and that weird memory in his diary attacked me in second year in the chamber of secrets... Well, how do you think someone would... go about courting him?" Harry practically rushed out the last bit.

"Mate, why would you want to?" Ron asked, staring at him in shock.

"Just curious." Harry muttered, earning a sharply perceptive look from Hermione.

"Harry, have you been having strange dreams again? Like the last time? The ones you said felt like magic?" Hermione asked, completely ignoring the stunned pink puffball standing next to them.

"Doesn't matter. Sorry I said anything." Harry told them, blushing deeply in embarrassment.

There was a choking sound coming from the doorway and the class turned to find Professor Snape staring at Harry in horror. He was paler than normal and the entire class watched in fascination as the potion vial that he had been delivering to Umbridge slipped from his fingers to smash on the floor at his feet. This had the added effect of snapping both adults out of their shocked trances. Snape completely ignored the smashed potion and strode over to Harry before grabbing him by his ear and dragging him out of the room, practically hissing his fury into the struggling boy's ear. 

In the corridor Harry received sympathetic yet terrified looks as everyone they came across scrambled to get out of their way. Snape almost bodily dragged Harry to the 7th floor corridor. The castle didn't wait for them to walk in front of the room once, muchless three times, before summoning and opening the Come and Go room. The room was empty except for some torches for lighting and the door slammed shut behind them before they heard the audible click of a lock sliding into place. 

Snape practically threw him against the wall before turning to mutter and pace, while shooting vicious glares at the teen. Eventually he simple stopped, standing there and glaring at a very wary Harry Potter. Harry had decided that it would be best to simply stand against the wall he had been thrown into and try not to anger the man further. He didn't want to get a beating and loose his chance at food for close to a week like he would have at the Dursley's. His potions professor seemed almost furious enough to do it too.

"You had better have a good explanation for even remotely _hinting_ at something like that!" Snape demanded viciously. "Or have you forgotten that the Dark Lord is the reason not only your parents are _dead_ but the fact that he's been attempting to _kill_ you for the last oh, 14 years!"

Harry couldn't meet his professor's eye. He also couldn't hide his blush. Snape's glare eased and had him simply standing back and watching the boy he had been protecting with his every last skill, breath, and scrap of knowledge for the last 14 years. Even if Dumbledore had gotten Harry hidden away, refusing to allow Snape any substantial information on the boy until his arrival at Hogwarts. Come to think of it he _still_ didn't have much information, just what he could gather with his own eyes and wits.

"How long has this been going on and what started it?" Snape asked softly, almost gently after waiting on an answer for nearly 15 minutes.

"Summer after second year." Harry muttered in embarrassment. "The Tom Riddle, Voldemort, from the diary was... interesting. I think we could have been friends if he hadn't decided to send the Basilisk after me or tried to kill Ginny."

"And what about Miss. Chang?" Snape asked, setting aside his questions about what the Dark Lord and a diary had to do with the fiasco he'd involved himself in retrieving the girl. The look of shock Harry sent him gave him no end of amusement. "Oh, yes, I know about that kiss. Do you honestly think that the staff isn't watching you especially closely? Potter, we _have_ to be careful when it comes to you. The Dark Lord's interest isn't the only thing that makes you a target, your fame and wealth do as well."

"Oh.." Harry said before getting a thoughtful look. "That... actually makes sense. It also explains why I get all those weird gifts and stuff from other students on Valentines day."

"Yes, that's why you get such.. interesting gifts on the day of lovers." Snape agreed, chuckling darkly. 

Noticing the look that Harry still had on his face, the dour Potions Master thought back, scouring his memory and trying to remember the times the boy before him had received owl post. He was shocked to realize that except for the occasional message from the mutt and the mess of declarations issued every Valentines day, the boy never got post. Not once. Not even during the very few Occlumency lessons that they had had could he remember coming across a memory of Harry receiving post.

"Potter... Why don't you receive mail from your adoring fans? Were you actually smart enough to ask someone to check it for you before sending it on to you?" Snape asked with an odd look in his eye.

"What are you talking about Professor? The only people who send me post are Ron, Hermione, and Snuffles." Harry asked in confusion. "Its not like anyone wants to talk to me all that much or that it matters."

"I see." Snape said softly. "Someone must be redirecting your mail and only letting a very very few through to you."

Almost instantly the room provided a desk, chairs for them both, quill, and parchment. The Potions Master motioned for Harry to take the other seat even as he took the one behind the desk and began composing a letter to someone. Occasionally he glanced up to ensure that his suddenly nervous charge was not getting into mischief, with or without using the room's enchantment. After finishing and setting aside the letter, Snape dashed off a memo and another letter before setting that one aside as well.

"You are to take this straight to Professor McGonagall. No detours. I will deal with Professor Umbridge and any detentions that you earned this class." Snape told him simply with the memo held in his hand. The desperate relief he saw flash over Harry's face made his eyes narrow.

"Thanks." Harry told him greatfully, before muttering to himself. "I really didn't want to deal with that weird quill again. Why does a quill that writes in your own blood even exist?"

"What?? She makes you write with a Blood Quill!?" Snape demanded harshly. His excellent hearing having allowed him to hear every word of Harry's muttering.

"What's a Blood Quill?" Harry asked in confusion.

Snape ignored him, quickly adding extra information to the letters, the memo, and even went so far as to write a second memo. Taking out his wand, the Potions Master enchanted both the letters and the memos so that they could only be read by those they were intended for. He also magically sealed them, imprinting his own power into each as proof of who they had come from and wrote something on the outside of each letter.

"Trixy." The dour man called. A moment later a young elf popped into the room and bowed to him. "Trixy, I need these delivered to Professor's McGonagall and Flitwick, and these need to go to the owlery. The names are on the outside of the letters. Let no one interfere with the delivery and I do mean _no one_."

"Um, Trixy was it?" Harry asked cautiously, ignoring the dark glare he was getting from the Professor for interrupting. "Are you one of the elves who can leave the castle?"

"Trixys being not. Dobby and Winky beings able to. Kip being able to." Trixy offered cautiously.

"But Kip is still bound to the castle and could be ordered to tell." Harry pointed out thoughtfully.

"What are you thinking?" Snape asked cautiously, letters and memos still in hand.

"Well, the way I understand it, house elves are bound to one of three things, a magical location or building, an entire family or bloodline, or a single person. Most of them hate the idea of the binding being gone for one reason or another and they seem to almost... dim when they don't have that bond to someone or something magical." Harry said, thinking out loud. "But House elves can go just about any where, including behind wards, it wouldn't be that hard to ask one to deliver a muggle bomb or something behind the wards and hurt or even kill everyone in either a single room or the entire building. It all depends on what you ask them to deliver. It also depends on if the person in charge of them or the magics even allow them to go away from a single location, like the castle."

Throughout Harry's explanation both Trixy and Snape had been looking paler and more ill. They both understood the destructiveness that Harry had just described and what it would result in. There was a reason that house elves were not used for such things. Purebloods saw them simply as servants. Half-bloods were either schooled as Muggleborns or Purebloods. Muggleborns didn't fully understand that a House elf could be ordered to do anything by those they were bound to and they would die in the attempt if necessary. 

In other words Purebloods didn't think of it. Muggleborns didn't have enough information to try even thinking of it. While Half-bloods mostly had the exact same information as _only_ Pureblood or Muggleborn. Not both. Also most muggleborns and muggle raised half-bloods didn't usually have the money to own a house elf or didn't consciously realize they existed. If done correctly, what Harry had just described could be used by a single person and a single insane House elf to wipe out the entire wizarding community across the planet.

"There's just one problem with that." Professor Snape said softly. "Most elves would die to prevent those they served or who were under their care from coming to any kind of harm."

"I know, and it would upset the elves, but I was thinking more along the lines that since elves can bypass wards, they can also hand deliver important letters and messages." Harry explained, causing both elf and man to relax, understanding that the boy in front of them had only laid out the worst case scenario that he could come up with to show that his good part of the idea would not only work but work well.

"Onlys Kip, Winky, and Dobby can leaves Hoggywarts. Kip is beings head elf." Trixy pointed out again. "If Dumblydoor says then mores can, but Dumblydoor wont says."

"But both Dobby and Winky aren't bound to the school or any wizards right now." Harry pointed out reasonably. "Couldn't we just ask one of them to deliver it? Or ask them if they want to work for one of us? If they say yes, they can deliver it then. After all if they're bound to us no one can force them to tell what we don't want them to."

"Mr. Harry Potter sir understands!" Trixy said in relief, then proceeded to scold him. "Youse no tell elfs to hurt wizards! Is bad thought! Elves serve wizards! Elves protect wizards! Elves no harm wizards!!"

"There's one problem. The Headmaster had ordered the staff not to offer either of them employment and students aren't allowed to have personal elves. Do you honestly think that young Mr. Malfoy wouldn't have brought an elf if he could?" Snape interrupted softly.

"So we explain that I felt sorry for Winky and didn't know about the no elf rule. I was just trying to make her happy and that I need all the help I can get since Voldemort is still after me." Harry pointed out, ignoring the man's flinch at the Dark Lord's name. "Its not like I don't have enough in my vault to hire her and even if the Headmaster makes me send her away she'll have already delivered the letters."

"And if the Headmaster orders you to free her?" Snape asked harshly.

"He can't. If I understand it right, its a personal contract between elf and person or family." Harry said simply. "I could always order her to play pranks on the ministry people or the order until Dumbledore lets her stay and help at Hogwarts. Its not like it will hurt anyone."

"No, but it will reduce how much control the old man has over _you_. He won't like that." Snape pointed out viciously. He wasn't even sure if the viciousness was aimed at the student in front of him, or the old man who had bound him to protect that same student until the day he died.

"You could always say I was stubborn about it and you agreed to hire her instead, if only to keep me from using her to break more rules and leave the castle less." Harry told him thoughtfully, even as he tried to bargain fairly but still solve the problem in front of them. "He ought to accept that and let you keep her. I'll even let you keep one of the things I use for sneaking around the castle, but I _need_ alone time every now and then." 

"Acceptable, provided a teacher is informed of where you are." Snape agreed warily. "What about the other elf, Dooby was it?"

"Dobby, on the other hand practically belongs to me, but I don't want him trying to protect me again." Harry explained even as he shuddered at the memory of how the elf had tried to protect him in second year. "Remember the enchanted bludger in second year that Hermione destroyed? And me not being able to get on to the platform so we had to take Mr. Weasley's flying car? That was Dobby. He even got me cited for use of magic in front of muggles as a minor."

"Presuming that you're being truthful about not being able to get on the platform... why did you not simply wait for Molly and Arthur at the car?" The dark man practically sneered.

"We didn't think of it. I was scared to be sent back to the Dursleys and Ron didn't want to get in trouble with his mum for not getting on the train with everyone else." Harry admitted sheepishly. "We even used the invisibility button on the car but it sort of broke. Ron called it an invisibility booster and said it was faulty."

"Dobby!" Snape called out as he glared at his student. Dobby popped in and was only stopped from practically tackling Harry in his joy by the stern glare from the Potions Master.

"What can's Dobby be doings for Potions Man and Mr. Harry Potter sir!" Dobby squeaked.

"List everything you did to _protect_ Mr. Potter during or before his second year." Snape snapped. "In order."

"Dobby collected Mr. Harry Potter sir's mail all summer to make Mr. Harry Potter sir think he had no friends. Dobby warned Mr. Harry Potter sir not to return to Hogswarts. Mr. Harry Potter sir says he _must_ go to Hogswarts. So Dobby floated cake over visitors to Mr. Harry Potter sir's relatives and dropped it over them. Dobby was happy when Mr. Harry Potter sir was sealed in his room and told he wasn't going to Hogsawarts ever again because it meant Mr. Harry Potter sir was safe. Dobby was sad when he found Wheezys broke Mr. Harry Potter sir out..."

"I was using the fact that I might be able to do magic away from school to keep them from hurting me." Harry told the elf angrily, completely forgetting that Snape was present and shocking the man in the process. "They don't like me or anything magic! They treat me the same way the Malfoys treated you!"

With an unconscious thought to the room Snape banished the desk into the form of a small side table. Quickly setting the missives down on it, he managed to lunge and catch Harry before he attacked Dobby. Pulling the boy backward into his chest and forcing Harry's arms into an X across his chest with Snape behind him, even as Harry struggled to get out of the embrace. Even as Dobby stood firm and defiantly against Harry's continuing fury.

"Let me go." Harry snarled out.

"Not until you calm down." Snape told him sharply. "Have you told Dumbledore about this?"

"He knows. I've begged not to go back there, but he doesn't believe me." Harry whispered as he slumped into the arms of his Professor, suddenly drained of energy.

"Do you know what a pensive is?" At Harry's weak nod he continued. "Would you allow me to view your memories and show some of them to certain people I trust?"

"Why? Why would you help me? You hate me." Harry asked in confusion.

"I hate your father, Lupin, and Black for the way they terrorized and nearly killed me. I hate how you're being allowed to break rules left and right with no consequences, just like your father did. You? No, I don't hate you. But I must _appear_ to hate you or both our lives will be forfeit." Snape explained cautiously, almost softly. "I want to try and get help for us using your memories. I don't have the money necessary to send a pensive with any memories so it will take them time to find and borrow one."

Even as he spoke the room had a pensive appear on the small table next to the missives. It took a moment for the two wizards to notice the beautifully carved deep bowl-like pensive made from night black marble, carved with runes and symbols. The pensive was also bone dry, missing the potion component which allowed safe viewing of the memories placed inside it.

"Room of Requirement." Harry said with a quickly stiffled snort of watery laughter after catching sight of the pensive.

"Apparently I need to visit this room more often." Snape said thoughtfully as he eased his hold on Harry until he was certain that his student wouldn't try to kill the house elf again, who it so happened was still standing there watching almost smugly.

"At least you got a pensive to send with the memories." Harry pointed out, deciding to ignore Dobby for the time being.

"True. Elf, why is your dictation better than that of other elves I've met?" Snape asked slyly, as he noticed Dobby's smug look.

"I's not very good at changing speech. Wizards think we's stupid, wizards no try ordering us to do somethings bad." Dobby explained.

"Idiot!" Trixy said smacking Dobby over the head making him glare back at her balefully.

"I trust them." Dobby told her, completely dropping the feigned diction.

"You _know_ that the price for telling them is death for them and yourself!" Trixy practically yelled at Dobby, shocking both wizards.

"Not when it comes to the heirs of the Founders and the Emrys! Even the La Fey's were granted the right to know!" Dobby shot back. "The blood oath that Snape is under binding him to Lily Evans and thus Harry allows him to be counted as part of the Gryffindor and the Emrys' bloodlines. Check them if you don't believe me."

Trixy just glared at Dobby, not even bothering to look at the two wizards. Finally she snorted and shook her head in exasperation.

"Scholars! you will be the death of our entire people!" Trixy said in disgust. "I'll tell the others, but _you_ are the one who's just bound them to our laws of silence. You better have proof or some other fantastically good reason for them to accept the security breach. If you don't then the moment those two can be killed, they will be."

"I'm not a fool! I know that!" Dobby said angrily, before suddenly deflating. "Just go get the conclave. We'll settle this now."

Trixy nodded sharply before popping away. Moments later she was back with a varied group of house elves of all ages, none of which had any sort of covering or mark to indicate what family they served if any. Popping away again she returned with an old irritated Goblin of clearly high rank, and just as clearly there to act as a goblin representative. Next, Trixy glared sharply at Dobby before snapping her fingers and forcing the two wizards to sit in chairs provided by the room. 

"More strange things happening to me. Just great. Why couldn't I have just been normal?" Harry lamented as he watched the preparations.

"We _will_ be discussing your perchant for getting into trouble, later." Snape told him severely.

"Yes, Professor." Harry said dutifully as he rolled his eyes at the man from his own seat.

When they tried to stand back up, both Harry and Severus found, to their extreme annoyance, that they were unable to do so. The elves quickly shifted into an argument in a high musical language and it was clear that Dobby was having to harshly defend his decision, bringing forward a good number of pieces of evidence. Finally they were silenced by a sharp command from the oldest elf before he turned to face the two wizards.

"Many arguments have been provided on your behalf and also against you." The clearly Venerated elf explained softly in a lyrical tone of voice. "We are bound to service because of ancient magics and ancient wrongs done, yet this knowledge puts us all, elf and wizard alike, at risk. The dread goblin Herork will perform a bloodline test created by the last Emrys, Merlin Ambrosius, and the Dark Lady La Fey. Pending the results you will either be granted the right to our secrets, the right to swear an oath of silence on the matter, the right to make your own argument on your own behalf, or death."

"Have you taken the current wizarding political situation into account?" Snape asked quickly before anyone could move. "If Mr. Potter disappears or dies they will be in an uproar and upon finding that a house elf caused his demise your people will be slaughter to the last."

"You argue for the boy's survival but say nothing about your own?" The Venerated elf asked suspiciously. "Why? The information we have is that you would rather see him dead but are forced into acting as his sheild."

"Are you able to use a pensive?" Snape asked quickly, upon receiving a careful nod of assent he motioned to the pensive still sitting on the little table with the memos and letters.

The elf ignored the implied request for the moment to focus on the missives. Using elf magic to get around the enchantments he opened them and read them before resealing them and leveling a glare at the Potions Master. A quick motion sent the pensive into the man's lap along with a room provided bottle of the pensive viewing potion. 

Snape quickly set up the pensive and drew out various memories with his wand before adding them to the pensive for viewing, before handing over the now full pensive. The entire conclave, including the goblin, entered the pensive and reviewed the memories. At the last second Snape had added the memories of watching Harry asking about courting Voldemort and of the discussion which led to Harry trying to attack Dobby.

The moment they returned from viewing the memories the goblin representative stalked over to both of them and croaked out a harsh syllable. In response to the spell different colored marks appeared all across both of them along with a few symbols in red floating near their heads. Harry realized a moment later that the marks showed everywhere he'd had a broken bone, burn, or scar. 

Each wound type had a different color and pattern showing a different story. Everything Harry had received from his relatives before his 11th birthday was glowing a glaring red with it shifting to orange for after his birthday. The scar on his arm from the basilisk fang showed a poisonous green along with the bite from the Acromantula in the maze during the third task. The bone breaks from Quidditch all showed blue along with anything that had happened because of something from normal school activity. His famous scar showed as a bright silver with hints of red at the edges. Snape's injuries showed similarly except that anything that happened after he reached his 17th birthday showed yellow, subsequently showing him covered in red, orange, and yellow with only flashes of blue and no green, or silver.

"Bring Lord Voldemort here, now!" The Venerated elf ordered. 

They didn't wait or hesitate. One of the other elves immediately popped out and returned a moment later with a very surprised red eyed mid-20's Tom Riddle. He was quickly forced into a room provided seat of his own and the spell cast upon him as well. The result covered him in mostly red marks with the occasional orange and yellow tossed in. There was also a silver band wrapped around his left wrist and a thin thread of silver connecting it to Harry's scar, occasionally flashing into visibility before fading back out. Ten minutes later the remains of the spell had dissipated into nothingness on all three of them.

"Severus? Do I want to know?" Voldemort asked almost tentatively.

"I apologize. I'm uncertain what I can tell you without also risking your life. Potter's and mine are already at risk." The dark man explained hesitantly even as Harry continued to stare in shock at his archnemisis.

"This complicates matters." Herork told the elves pointedly. "I'll have to do the test on all three of them to even begin to sort this out."

The elves nodded silently before several quickly popped out and retrieved the materials as well as two more goblins, to assist and witness. The wizards wisely remained silent as they watched the goblins chanting softly over 3 three silver bowls, 3 silver knives and a stack of parchments on a room provided table. A single parchment was placed next to each bowl and the table scooted to stand in front of the seated wizards as each of the three goblins offered a knife to each wizard.

"A slice across the palm, deep enough to draw blood, then place the palm against the parchment. Next add at least 3 drops of blood to your respective bowls. The magic will do the rest." Herork informed them politely.

The three wizards exchanged wary glances but obeyed, the cuts healing almost immediately after giving the necessary blood. They watched in fascination as the bowls absorbed the blood and each spat out at least one ring. The parchments on the other hand became covered in various symbols before glowing slightly and adding a second parchment underneath as needed. By the end of the magic each had a small but thick stack of parchments sitting beside their bowls and a number of either Lordship rings or Heir rings sitting in the bowls in front of them.

"What just happened?" Harry asked tentatively.

"Your accounts and bloodlines were being checked and audited." Herork told him absently as each goblin picked up their stack of parchment and started reading. It was only a split second before all three of them started cursing and arguing in gobbledygook as they compared parchments. Finally they eventually calmed down and looked at the three wizards not only with respect but worry as well.

"Why did you personally attack the Potters?" One of the goblins asked Voldemort politely.

"I received information that a prophecy had foretold the birth of one who would kill me. I also wasn't in my right mind. This exacerbated my response as well as the fact that the information and wording of the prophecy was incomplete due to interference by members of the so called light. Upon realizing the error and overreaction after regaining my physical form I attempted to gain the missing information but have been unable to retrieve and view the complete prophecy thus far." Voldemort informed him equally politely. 

"The dreams about that hallway and weird door!" Harry said in sudden understanding causing Voldemort's head to whip around and stare at him in shock.

"The question then becomes why the Peverell heir magic did not protect... of course, he must have been slain indirectly, possibly he cast the first spell in the duel automatically nullifying the heir protection. The Ambrosius heir magics did not activate because they flowed through the mother. Such ancient magics only considered males to be full heirs." The goblin muttered to himself. "So the boy had the joint protection of his mother's sacrifice, and four powerful sets of heir magics defending him. The Black heirship was still held by Sirius Orion Black at the time as he had yet to claim the Lordship."

"The full trial before the Wizengamot as well as his accepted entry into the Tri-Wizard tournament declared Mr. Potter an adult." The slightly younger goblin pointed out.

"Yet, he is still being treated like a minor in all other respects. His magical guardian also filed no objection to either the tournament or trial and was present at both." Herork grunted.

"There are complications?" The Venerated elf asked warily.


	2. Problems Solved, Heirs Found

"Mr. Riddle is Lord Slytherin, Lord Peverell, Lord Gaunt, and Lord La Fey. Mr. Snape is in fact Heir Slytherin and Lord Ravenclaw. His disinheritance through his mother to the Prince line still stands, though his children are eligible for the Prince Lordship provided the other parent is classified as a pureblood. Mr. Potter is Heir Peverell, Heir Black, Lord Potter, Lord Gryffindor, and Lord Ambrosius. Your conclave's claim is invalid. What concerns us more is the very clear interference by the House of Dumbledore and the fact that the Headmaster is either attempting or has attempted to force a mentorship bond with all three. We are also concerned with the fact that the Headmaster has been clearly removing both gold and artifacts from their accounts under false pretenses for years using a goblin intermediary. Especially since no one has apparently noticed until now." Herork informed the elf snottily, completely incensed at the discovery.

"Is there any way to rectify this?" Voldemort asked in concern.

"Only if one of you takes guardianship of Mr. Potter." Herork told them suddenly wary. "We don't have a reason for conducting the audit of his accounts otherwise."

"You do if you found a problem with one of their accounts and followed up on it. Especially if you decided to do an audit for the entire British branch of Gringotts as a security precaution, even more since there's a goblin involved. You don't have to tell anyone why you suddenly decided on a branch wide audit, but if you want you can always use Professor Quirrell's attempt to get the stone on my 11th birthday as an excuse, even if its been a couple of years. Just stage another break-in." Harry pointed out, immediately gaining the complete attention of everyone in the room.

"You have information on the attempted theft on July 31st of 1991?" One of the goblins demanded harshly.

"Voldemort possessed Professor Quirrell that year and they broke into Gringotts after I went with Hagrid and got the stone out of the vault. Me, Ron, and Hermione had fun figuring out what it was. Getting past the things protecting the stone was scary but fun. I don't think we ever got either of them to actually admit to breaking into Gringotts but it fit with everything else we figured out and confirmed." Harry told them, slightly perplexed as to why they wouldn't already know.

"We're going to have a very long discussion about how you keep coming to these devastating conclusions." Voldemort said almost harshly. "As the boy said, I took nothing. You can call it an unplanned security test to save face. Even the elapsed time period could count as part of it as a second part of the test to see if you could identify and track whoever broke in. If there is a fine for simply breaking in I'll pay it."

"Before or after you try to kill me again?" Harry asked sarcastically.

"Before. I can't very well get answers after you're dead." Voldemort shot back. The goblins considered them even as Professor Snape kept sending them both disbelieving glances.

"The blood feud between the La Fey and Ambrosius lines was settled by the loss of all magical heirs, reverting to squib lines only. Both Mr. Potter and Mr. Riddle are the first magical male heirs eligible to inherit. The intermittent generations without magic was the price inflicted by the continuing blood feud magics. Will you be returning to the blood feud or will you declare it settled by the inflicted price?" Herork asked thoughtfully.

"I never wanted to be anything but normal." Harry told them in disgust. "I also don't want to fight anyone. Never did. I say the blood feud is over. I don't even know what caused it. Why should I care that our ancestors where trying to kill each other? Same thing about the feud between Gryffindor and Slytherin. The hat wanted to put me in Slytherin house any way. I don't see any reason to keep fighting. Everyone just keeps harping on the fact that this idiot killed my parents. I didn't know them so it doesn't really mean as much to me. I'm actually more angry at whoever placed me with my muggle relatives."

"Albus Dumbledore, your most recent magical guardian." Herork supplied almost helpfully with a sharp nod. "The damage displayed on all three of you and the attempted forced mentorship bonds automatically disqualifies him from having guardianship of any child without going to extensive lengths. He and the child would also be submitted to random but frequent checks for the child's welfare. Evicting him from the Headmastership would require reporting your situations publicly. Any standing guardianship's he currently has, such as the magical guardianship of all students without a magical guardian, have reverted to the Deputy Head of Hogwarts, Minerva McGonagall."

"I'm gonna kill him." Harry said incensed as he tried, once again, to get out of the chair, this time, to find and try to strangle the Headmaster.

"This still leaves who will take guardianship of Mr. Potter unresolved." The youngest goblin pointed out.

"What about the tournament and the trial? You said that they counted me as being an adult." Harry pointed out, momentarily forgetting his rage at the Headmaster.

"Due to how your case has been handled within the Wizarding world you still require a guardian. However with these discoveries they have no access to your accounts or holdings unless you grant it or it is to retrieve you personally. You will abide by any rules your new guardian sets down and will live with your new guardian. Anything that your guardian should wish to do with your accounts or holdings, aside from retrieving you, banning you or banning others from accessing it will also require your authorization." Herork explained. "The Ministry will take custody of you if Mr. Riddle as Lord Peverell or Mr. Snape as blood-brother to Lily Evans does not. Mr. Sirius Black is ineligible due to his current fugitive status. Should either of you wish to allow for courtship, you are more than sufficiently distant in regards to blood relations to do so."

"At least it gets me away from the Dursleys." Harry said resignedly. "I don't suppose I can ask for someone to be my guardian?"

"Certainly, they can apply for you with the ministry _after_ Mr. Snape and Mr. Riddle have refused their duties as your guardian. Were you a normal student without extenuating circumstances or known eligible guardians your guardianship would also automatically revert to the Deputy Head." Herork told him with a toothy smile.

"Never mind." Harry said glumly as he slumped in his chair.

"I already swore an unbreakable vow to protect you. Do you honestly think I'm going to risk someone getting their hands on you to treat you like a god or to abuse you again? If I had known what your home life was like I would never have allowed you to return. I would have kidnapped you if necessary. Though Minerva would be a decent guardian." Snape admitted almost reluctantly. "The problem comes if the Dark Lord decides that you still have to die, if he decides to raise you himself, or if he chooses to allow me to raise you and what we tell the Headmaster."

"I can't kill him. He's my heir and you're my other heir." Voldemort said in disgust. "The heir magics also explain much better then Dumbledore's theory how he survived my attack that night. Just as the vow to protect the boy explains some of the inconsistencies in your behavior, Severus. As for vanquishing me, of course he can. The heir magics allow for an heir to challenge for the Lordship in the cases that a Lord is failing in their duties or is deemed unfit. Sometimes the magic of the challenge even kills the current Lord. Regardless we still need to know the full prophecy. I have no heir for the Gaunt or La Fey Lordships." 

"As I have no heir for the Slytherin or Ravenclaw lines." Snape said softly.

"Incorrect. Mr. Potter is the next in line for the Slytherin Heirship after Mr. Snape due to the events of Oct. 31 1981." Herork informed them. "A magical soul based connection was established between the current Slytherin Lord and young Mr. Potter. The reception of the Parseltounge ability indicates magical adoption into the bloodline without otherwise altering the bloodlines of the adoptee, placing the adoptee as part of the family but at the end of the line of inheritance. This is very rare and as a result is normally treasured to the point that the adoptee was expected to marry someone who was born into the adopting bloodline, regardless of other marital or mating bonds. The only known alternative which is recognized by Lady Magic is a full blood adoption."

"That's sorta scary." Harry said after a moment. "So I'm either expected to marry Voldemort or my Potions Professor... or get adopted by one of them... Yup, very scary. At least it will get the other students to stop trying to use love potions on me or sending me weird things on Valentines day." 

Said Potions Professor just dropped his face into his hands, shoulders shaking as if laughing or crying. The house elves simply watched on in shock. It was very clear to all, that all three had been granted hard paths to follow and that Dumbledore was one of the reasons why.

"What about a joint guardianship?" Voldemort asked. "It would solve the problem of us deciding who marries or adopts who immediately and give the public less of a reason to tear us apart when this hits the papers."

"Like they wont overreact when they discover that Potter's new guardians are the Dark Lord and a supposedly exonerated Death Eater." Snape said sarcastically, lifting his head from his hands even as he slumped in his chair.

"Um, what's gonna happen when the Death Eaters find out? I don't like them trying to kill me and the torture isn't fun either." Harry asked nervously. "For that matter what's gonna happen when anyone finds out? I'm probably gonna be called a baby Dark Lord again."

"Regardless, as one of my heirs you'll be learning Dark Arts, and since you have the Parsel ability you'll be learning Parselmagic." Voldemort said with a snort. 

"This is going to be a nightmare." Snape said morosely.

"Ah, I'm afraid that there is more." Dobby squeaked nervously.

"Scholar?" Trixy asked with a dark look.

"As Harry Potter is heir to two founders he gets a larger say in his house placement. However, there are a few provisos and his current housemates have already breached more than one." Dobby admitted. "Their treatment of him alone requires he be placed in the other house of his heritage, partly as a protective measure. He has been attacked by them on more than one occasion. The resorting would have occurred automatically but the Headmaster has altered a number of ancient wards and spells that are a part of the castle and her surroundings. Hogwarts will always recognize her heirs, which is another reason why I'm worried that this hasn't happened yet. You see, Hogwarts has already granted the three of you special privileges and access that is refused to others, such as access to the Chamber of Secrets, regular access to this room, and the hat providing Lord Gryffindor's sword. I'm actually rather worried that the Headmaster is going to try and kill you, if he hasn't tried already. There is a way to reset the wards and possibly repair the damage but it would require three of the four founders bloodlines to cast the correct spells on the wardstone and would automatically require everyone's resorting. Any past students who wish to continue being counted magically as Hogwarts alumni will also need to be resorted."

"I would like a listing of everything you've noticed about this, anything related to it, and the reasons for the magic of castle to react or not react when they're supposed to in regards to any of the mentioned situations. As well as everything you did trying to protect or help Potter. If the situation is as bad as you've made it out to be he _cannot_ remain in the lions den. We may even need to take him out of school and get him tutors instead." Snape ordered harshly.

"Agreed." Voldemort said immediately. "I'll have to find some way of keeping my people from going after him, at least until the situation is explained. Then there's the fact that all three of us need to have a long talk, preferably away from the old goat."

"As if he's going let us just walk off with his Golden Gryffindor." Snape pointed out sourly.

"Could you not call me that?" Harry half demanded in irritation. "I hate the publicity and all the weird titles. I just want to be Harry, a normal student. Horrible relatives or not."

"We'll have to inform your relatives that they no longer have custody and collect any belongings you left with them in any case." Snape said dismissively, even as he mentally plotted how he was going to check their memories to determine exactly how badly Harry had been treated.

"Oh goody. Well at least I won't have to see them again after that." Harry said, switching between slightly glum and cheerful.

"Mr. Riddle, Mr. Snape, I need you both to sign this if you are indeed taking guardianship of Mr. Potter." Herork told them before handing over a document. Both men read it before signing it. The parchment glowed slightly before disappearing, filing its self with the ministry and depositing copies in each of their personal main vaults. Herork also, silently, passed over a simple silver chain necklace for each of them on which one of the other goblins had placed their various Heir and Lordship rings, all three wizards slipped them on.

"The necklaces and rings can be willed visible or invisible at need or preference and can't be removed by anyone but you from your person or the chain as the situation dictates. Upon your death they will automatically return to our care." Herork explained before asking politely. "Since we're already here, is there any other Gringotts business you would like to conduct?"

"Yes, I want to ban Albus Dumbledore from accessing any of my or Harry's vaults." Snape said with a scowl.

"Mine as well." Voldemort put in.

"Hey! Don't I get a say?" Harry asked plaintively.

"Both Mr. Snape and Mr. Riddle are within their rights as your guardians to ban access to your vaults. They cannot access any of your holdings unless they are retrieving you but they do have the authority to ban you from accessing them until you reach the age of majority on your 17th birthday. Provided, of course, there is no additional provisos associated with the inheritance themselves." Herork said politely, with a slightly more than evil smile on his face.

"Okay." Harry said as he slid down in his chair sulking, and causing both adult wizards to roll their eyes at his less than mature antics. Especially when they both knew that he could act more maturely and in fact had in past situations with both of them.

"One last thing. I would like a record of the audit of our accounts and holdings to check over. I'm certain that the Dark Lord would like one as well." Snape pointed out politely even as Voldemort nodded his agreement. 

Herork nodded in understanding and tapped each of the 3 stacks of parchment that the audit had produced, sending duplicates to each of their respective vaults and duplicating Harry's so that both men could have a personal copy. Another tap had each stack bound tightly, similar to a book before two stacks each were handed over. They each received a copy of their personal finances and a copy of Harry's finances.

"So, what do we do now?" Harry asked, feeling more than a little lost.

"Upon my return to Gringotts I will send out the change of guardianship notifications. As your paperwork has already been signed your change of guardianship has already gone into effect. In times past due to a guardian's presence on the school staff or the existence of a founder, La Fey, or Ambrosius bloodline in the student, the magic would alter your robes to reflect your automatic multiple house association and special status. As the spell work has been interfered with I cannot tell you how you will be affected nor if the situation can be fixed, much less as the elf indicated." Herork informed them thoughtfully. "In regards to the elven conclave, as members of already authorized bloodlines the secrets of the house elves fall under family secrets and are expected to be kept as such. Normal elf-wizard interaction is expected though they may now drop the accent and false syntax when dealing with you alone. They may also be willing to do more for you, outside of their normal duties. How this is solved is between you and the elves."

"Thank you for assisting us with all of this." Snape told the goblin politely.

"No trouble, no trouble at all. Should you wish to request goblin assistance with your wards we would be happy to help, for the right price." Herork said with a toothy smile before stepping back and the elves popped away, taking the goblins with them, leaving only Trixy and Dobby behind, but also releasing the elf enforced sticking charm on their chairs.

"Do you still need the missives delivered Master Snape?" Trixy asked cautiously.

"Only the memos. You can burn the letters and vanish the ash, they were dealt with, and tell both McGonagall and Flitwick where we are. There's no need to worry them unnecessarily." Snape told her with a heavy sigh. She nodded and took the memos and letters with her as she and Dobby popped out of the room.

"Um, how are we going to get Voldemort out of the castle without getting caught?" Harry asked, getting a deer in the headlights look from both older wizards. "I mean classes are going to get out soon for lunch if they aren't already out and I left the map and cloak in my trunk, so we can't use them."

"Map and cloak?" Snape asked archly, crossing his arms in front of him.

"They belonged to my dad." Harry explained suddenly tired and thus not guarding his words as closely as he probably should. He yawned before continuing. "The cloak makes whoever is wearing it is invisible, though Dumbledore can see you when you wear it or he said he could any way. The map, when activated with the password, shows where everyone is on Hogwarts grounds, labeled by their real names. It even shows animagi, that's how we found Pettigrew in 3rd year. Dad, Sirius, Remus, and Pettigrew made it while they were in school and used it to sneak around and play pranks. They even became animagi so they could stay with Remus during the full moon. Fred and George rescued it one day from Filch's files and confiscated stuff. They told me I needed it more than they did."

Snape groaned in sudden realization. The map and cloak must have been the reason why he'd been cornered by the Marauders so often in school, no matter how careful he was. They also had to be the reason it was so difficult to catch Harry and his friends when they were doing something dangerous, stupid, or breaking school rules.

"We'll discuss the cloak and map later." Voldemort said tiredly. "We need to decide how we're going to present this sudden change and if we're going to publish it in the paper or let the reporters try and find out on their own, because they _will_ eventually find out."

"Well the ministry is still saying you aren't back and calling me a liar." Harry scoffed, verbally reviewing the situation. "This year's Defense Professor is not only a Ministry employee who thinks anything decided by the ministry is gospel but also has it out for me and keeps torturing me in detentions that she's giving out for no reason. We're not learning _anything_ in Defense except for bigoted lies, and Umbridge has started going after teachers too. Oh, and Dumbledore has decided to ignore me for no reason I can see. No one's telling me anything about anything which actually involves me. Then there's the defense club we started to try and fix some of what Umbridge isn't teaching. The DA is going to have a meeting tonight in here and I have no clue what I'm going to be telling them if they find either of you in here."

"You started a defense club?" Snape asked archly, trying to hide his astonishment.

"Hermione's idea. I just got roped into teaching it." Harry said dismissively. Then he tensed, realizing what all he had just blurted out and to whom. "Oh. Oops."

"Just realized who was in the room, did you?" Snape asked in amusement. Harry nodded, embarrassed and chagrined to have forgotten who he was actually talking too. He refused to look at the two very amused older wizards.

"Why do you call detentions with this Umbridge torture?" Voldemort asked in curiosity.

"She's using a blood quill on him. I only found out less than an hour ago." Snape said, sighing heavily. "Needless to say, I will endeavor to ensure no other students have to serve detention with that despicable woman for the rest of the year, muchless our ward."

"She's using a blood quill? On students?" Voldemort asked darkly.

"Don't look at me! I don't even know what a blood quill is! All I know is that it carves into the back of my hand and my blood is used instead of ink when I write lines." Harry said quickly as the other two looked over at him. "We've been soaking it in something... I think Hermione called it essence of murtlap tentacles? I came back too late last night and we were going to treat it during lunch."

"Show us." Snape ordered. 

Harry silently extended his hand and unwrapped the latest makeshift bandage that they hadn't noticed until now to show them the wound, still bloody, raw, and oozing. They could clearly read the words _I must not tell lies_ in the bloody mess that was the back of Harry's hand, causing them both to curse. It only took a split second for the room to react to their sudden heartfelt need for medical supplies. Their chairs were shifted more to face Harry as various potion bottles, new bandages, and a bowl of warm water with a clean towel appeared. Grimly they set to work on healing the damage done by the vicious bitch during Harry's detentions.

"Gods. How many more scars do you bear and how many did _I_ put on you?" Voldemort muttered as he carefully cleaned the wounds with warm water.

"We can always get Narcissa to check him later." Snape pointed out equally softly. "There are a few problems with pulling him out of school now is that I would have to give up my only form of income and the ministry along with Dumbledore would jump at the chance to take him away from us. The only way we'd be able to keep him at that point is to explicitly spell out our relationship to him and explain about the soul adoption. How many people do you think would do just about anything to get their hands on Harry? Including taking him by force?"

Harry on the other hand could care less what the other two were talking about and was ignoring the conversation. He was having enough trouble keeping himself from crying, screaming, or jerking his hand away from them as they carefully worked to treat his wounds. No one would have blamed him in the least, but all he let out was the occasional whimper and tried to bite through his lip as they worked. A moment later they heard a sharp knock at the door to the room. Both men had fallen silent when they heard the knock and exchanged worried glances. 

"Must be Minerva and Filius." Snape said softly as he got up and let them into the room.


	3. Decisions, Declarations, and Unplesant Revelations

Voldemort ignored the two teachers as they entered the room, bent over as he was, continuing to tend to Harry's hand neither teacher saw his face. Mentally Voldemort smirked to himself that they were unlikely to recognize him. Then it struck him. Minerva had attended Hogwarts with him. What if she recognized him for who he was? Mentally shaking his head he refocused on Harry's injuries once more and continued to carefully clean the hateful words carved into his Heir's flesh.

"Severus, what is the meaning of this?" McGonagall demanded, waving the memo he'd sent via Trixy in his face.

"Yes, Severus. What did you mean with this? Surely it isn't that bad?" Flitwick asked in concern, following McGonagall into the room.

Snape ignored both of them to shut and seal the door, silently asking the castle to allow no one else in and no one out. He received a warm glow in his chest that spoke of agreement, amusement, and fondness that faded away a moment later. Deciding to think about it later he led his colleges over to where Voldemort was still carefully tending Harry's hand and silently pointed. When they saw the injury they gasped in shock.

"Why dina ya tell us child?" McGonagall asked Harry, upset enough that her Scottish brogue thickly laced her speech. Harry just looked away from them and mumbled.

"Speak up!" Snape barked out. He was _not_ going to coddle the boy. Voldemort, on the other hand sent the man a sharp glare, making him flinch.

Harry took a deep breath, once more forcing back the physical pain and admitted. "I thought you knew and didn't care. You all keep sending me back to the Dursleys after all."

His words and their implications had both teachers practically reeling back in shock. Only the fact that the room provided them with chairs kept the two from collapsing to the floor in their shock. Severus quietly summoned Trixy again and requested some refreshments for them before taking his own place standing behind Harry, guarding his student's back. The man's chair having disappeared when he got up to open the door for them. Severus ignored the slight tensing of Harry's shoulders when he noticed them relaxing slightly as the young man realized it was just Snape looming behind him.

"Mr. Potter, Harry, why didn't you say anything about the... Dursleys, I believe you called them?" Flitwick asked gently. "I have no knowledge of any of this."

"He reported his situation to the Headmaster." Snape informed them coldly before his face twisted into a vicious sneer. His next words caused Voldemort to tense and send a look of intense interest at the potions master. "Apparently the Headmaster has been aware of Mr. Potter's mistreatment by his relatives for some time and has continually insisted that he return to their care during the summer. I had pulled Potter out of class for a different reason and inadvertently became aware of the situation. When I have previously asked for information on his well being, the information was denied to me despite the binding oath to protect him that the Headmaster forced on me in exchange for hiding the Potters. I was also required to inform him as to how much of the prophecy I overheard and reported. Where Mr. Potter goes, I must go or do my very best to follow if I can not be assured of his relative safety. Albus made certain that I was unable to check on him during the summers. I was a fool to believe his platitudes."

Snape ignored the looks, knowing that it would have had to come out eventually and that it was probably best to get it over with while the man was still occupied. Harry glanced behind him and up at his professor in shock. Snape was the reason that his parents had been sent into hiding? What was this about a prophecy and Snape protecting him?? Voldemort briefly considered simply cursing his dour heir and discarded the idea before mentally shrugging, deciding that it didn't really matter if the other two knew who he was. 

"We will be discussing that later Severus." Voldemort warned softly, as he placed the last bit of numbing salve over the wounds and re-sealed the container. The potions and medicines all disappeared into whatever place the magic of the room kept them. Snape merely inclined his head in response as he noted that McGonagall was finally coming out of her shocked state, that is if her darkening expression was anything to go by.

"That, that _man_! I warned him! They are the worst sort of muggles. The wee bairn never should have been left in their care!" McGonagall raged, to just about everyone's shock. "I tried askin after the bairn, but nooo, the blighter clams up! Not a word! Not a single blessed word until his first year! Then he's too skinny! Every welcoming feast! Its as if they starve the poor dear! Every year I ask after the boy's physical from Poppy. Every year the dear says the bairn is in perfect health!"

"What physical?" Harry asked curiously, breaking into his teacher's tirade and shocking her into silence.

"The physical examination you receive every year during the first week of classes and upon returning from winter break." Snape said slowly, his eyes narrowing in suspicion.

"I've never had a physical, and by the time I get hurt and have to go to the hospital wing after we get back from summer break I'm already healed. Madam Pomfrey never said anything." Harry commented in clear puzzlement.

"Never had a..." Flitwick said faintly.

"Which means the Medi-witch is either being enchanted every year upon your return to school or she is in league with the old goat." Voldemort said with a scowl.

"Mr. Potter, I'm afraid that with this new information, even without the Quidditch ban by that _vile_ woman, I would have had to pull you from the team. I expect to receive your broom by Monday morning. You may have it back when Professor Snape has decided that you are acceptably healthy. I will not trust Poppy with this, not until we can have another healer check her over." Professor McGonagall informed him, at his crestfallen look she scolded him. "Just be glad that, as a Potions Master, Severus must retain a Medi-witch's license to be able to teach, and have earned one in the first place to receive his mastery. Severus, I know you occasionally have to report to the Dark Lord, at such times Mr. Potter can stay with me, but... I hesitate to ask, would you consider allowing Harry to stay in your quarters until he's been put to rights? Do you think you can put aside your dislike of Mr. Potter and keep all of this from _him_?"

"Keep the situation from me? Why Minnie, I didn't know you cared." Voldemort drawled as he chuckled darkly, thoroughly enjoying their shock.

"Please don't hurt them." Harry said pleadingly. 

Harry had realized that Voldemort might have simply been biding his time to leave without his other teachers knowing it was him. Unfortunately, Harry also understood that now that they knew Voldemort was there neither of his professors were likely to leave alive unless they gave some sort of promise not to say anything... Of course if Voldemort was feeling like poking the hornets nest or decided to reveal himself as a very dangerous show of power the man might have still done the same thing. Regardless, Harry figured he might as well _try_ to keep his professors from getting killed while Voldemort was there. 

"Somehow I'm not all that surprised." McGonagall said faintly, as she took a better look at Voldemort and his youthful features, even as Flitwick squeaked and fell out of his chair. Drawing herself up to sit straight backed in her chair she asked primly. "Do you pose a danger to any member of this school? Which coincidentally, includes Mr. Potter."

"Not at the moment, well aside from Dumbledore." Voldemort informed them with a dry chuckle. "As for Mr. Potter, I recently found out he's one of my heirs. I certainly wont be trying to kill him any time soon, at least not without another heir to take his place and a _very_ good reason. No, Minnie, neither he nor you have anything more to fear from me. Feel free to drop those ridiculous glamours. Oh, and Potter keeps his broom. I'll not give the goat a chance to trap him on the grounds." The last was said with a growl.

Professor McGonagall ignored the comment on her cosmetic illusions and left them in place. It kept the students who grew up in the muggle world from getting nervous around her and trying idiotic stunts like becoming animagi before their 7th year. Instead she turned her gaze questioningly on her former student and current friend Severus Snape.

"As I said before, I pulled Potter out of class. I had overheard a comment and I wanted a few answers about it. I escorted him here where I proceeded to question him. I prepared memos to both of you before calling an elf. We were then informed of certain private information in connection to both the situation and several family secrets we both apparently share before the Dark Lord was brought in for comparison by certain ancient magics. I am unsure why the castle allowed this but I suspect it has something to do with his status as Lord Slytherin." Snape summarized, mentally thanking the gods that family secrets were sacrosanct in the wizarding world and the sharing of them meant you truly were considered part of the family, regardless of anything else. "During the course of events, which included the arrival of a Gringots representative, it came to light that both I and Potter are currently the Dark Lord's heirs for two different titles he currently holds. Some of the abuse that Potter has suffered also came to light. The Dark Lord has invoked his right as the head of the Peverell family to claim guardianship over Mr. Potter. He has thus far granted me the right to joint guardianship."

"Thus the reason why I no longer wish harm to the so called _Chosen One_." Voldemort drawled, smirk firmly planted on his face. "You can count this as a sort of parent-teacher conference... for the time being." 

"Hey! I _told_ you I hate those titles!" Harry complained.

"When did all this happen?" Flitwick asked, at a loss. The three men before them exchanged a glance.

"Over the last, um... hour?" Harry offered with a shrug. "There was also something about the school wards being damaged and not doing their job."

"Harm either of them Tom Marvolo Riddle and you'll find out _exactly_ why even the Headmaster hesitates to cross wands with _me_!" McGonagall warned, eyes flashing, ignoring the comment about the schools wards for the moment.

"Minerva, anyone who risks crossing wands with you is a fool, and I am no fool. Should I ever be so far gone as to willingly cross wands with you, I dearly hope that someone sends for a healer or puts me out of my misery." Voldemort drawled with a snicker, even as he inclined his head in acknowledgement of the threat. He did _not_ want to face his old school mate on the battle field. 

"You haven't exactly been acting as if you were in your right mind for some time." McGonagall reminded him pointedly. 

"Because I haven't been." Voldemort admitted with a groan. "It was even worse just after I received my new body. Wormtail botched the potion for the ritual. It took Severus several weeks to put it all to rights over the summer. I'm still getting random flashes of emotions and split second images that aren't mine from... _somewhere_. From Potter's earlier comments I now suspect they're from him." 

"Dumbledore said that our minds are sort of linked. Its why Professor Snape is trying to teach me Occlumency." Harry admitted. 

"What the Headmaster has me _teaching_ you is nothing of the sort." Snape said with a sneer of disgust. "The methods I've been instructed to use are barbaric and rarely result in more than minimal reactive mental shields." 

"So you're saying that if I do develop Occlumency shields I wont be able to turn them on and off. That they'll only go up if someone attacks my mind? Like you've been doing during lessons?" Harry asked with a frown of concern and worry. 

"Essentially. When I told you to clear your mind I gave you the only help I could at the time without risking either the Dark Lord or Albus attempting something I could not anticipate, or so I thought, at the time." Snape admitted hesitantly.

"Occlemency will be added to the list." Voldemort said with a sigh.

"What list?" Flitwick asked, curious despite himself.

"The list of things Potter will have to learn properly." Voldemort told him biting back a snort of amusement. "From what I know of his actions he knows nothing of our culture or our laws. He's completely unaware of what this war is about and why it is being conducted in the fashion that it is."

"Actually I've kind of wondered about that." Harry admitted. "I mean you're supposed to be the Heir of Slytherin, why aren't you taking the sneaky route and changing things legally, from inside the ministry rather than killing people? For that matter why have you even stayed away from the school? I mean yeah its better to recruit them after graduation because you know they're all trained but having a student or two in each house in the upper years would... Why am I helping you?" 

Voldemort just raised an eyebrow at them as if to say "See what I mean?" before eying Harry with even more interest. If his little tirade was anything to go by he would be _wonderful_ at spotting weak points in plans, organizations, and what have you. Of course that might not translate into true strategy or being able to pick out those same weakness' in the middle of a fight or battle but it was still highly useful in planning to tackle various situations.

"Potter, Harry, if you could discern that from what little information you've been given, why can you not avoid confrontations with Mr. Malfoy or Professor Umbridge?" Snape asked in an aggrieved tone.

"I'm actually allowed to fight back." Harry muttered looking down at his healing hand, and earning a sharp look from the other four.

"Were you referring to fighting in general or defending yourself and others?" Voldemort asked in a deceptively mild tone. 

"I don't like getting into fights." Harry murmured, nodding and still looking at his hand, never seeing the slowly mounting fury in the man's ruby colored eyes as comprehension began to dawn.

"When have you ever not been allowed to defend yourself, within reason?" Snape asked slowly, forcing his frustration out of his voice, yet remaining clearly visible in his sparking eyes. Harry wouldn't meet either of their eyes as he shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

"Unless you can give me a _very_ good reason not to kill them, the moment I find your so called _relatives_ they die, painfully." Voldemort informed him calmly, eyes blazing in fury.

"Dumbledore says I have to go back. He says that's the only place _safe_. I don't understand why I can't just stay at Hogwarts, or with Ron, or at... with Sirius. If that's the only safe place then why am I even here? For that matter why can they hurt me if that's the _only safe place_?" Harry demanded, his sudden frustration loosening his tongue and the fidelius charm forcing him to find something else to say than Grimmauld place.

"Harry, you need to stop hinting and explain, properly, what exactly they do to you. I realize that I have been overreacting for the last 4 and a 1/2 years and am partly to blame for our confrontations, but you need to tell us if we are going to be able to help." Severus said almost softly, belaying the worry and banked rage the others could see in his eyes from where he stood behind his student even as he laid his hand on the young man's shoulder. "I realize what the spell was likely showing but you need to remember that they cast the spell on both of us as well. Do you remember what it showed? Not just on you but also on the two of us? We will understand if anyone can."

Snape knew all to well that if Harry truly had lived through what he had been hinting at, what the _spell_ had said he did, then he was no boy and possibly had never truly been a child. He just hoped that they could get through to him and help. If necessary he would do just about anything to help and protect Harry. Even if that meant taking on both Albus Dumbledore and the Dark Lord simultaneously. However, it was Severus' fervent hope that he wouldn't actually have to fight one or both of them. They could both be terrifying when they chose to be. Harry eyed them all warily, having been more tha slightly tense since they had asked about the fights he got into and the mention of what the spell had revealed.

"Alright." Harry agreed with a sigh before hesitantly beginning to explain, starting with the easiest parts first. "Malfoy keeps jumping me and here I don't get beaten and locked in my cupboard without food just for scratching the prat or fighting back. With Professor Umbridge... she's not teaching us anything! She's worse than you, sir! At least you don't give detentions that have us writing in blood with the words being dug into our other hand while we write. You don't insist that the world is _only_ what the ministry says it is and refuse to look at the facts. You don't insist that we don't need to learn to defend ourselves or even think! If I followed what she's been teaching I would have been dead on Halloween in my first year when we accidentally found that stupid troll! Or I would have been hit by a car when my cousin decided to push me into the busy street instead of being beaten for making him miss and nearly falling into the street himself."

"I thought Miss. Granger went looking for the troll?" McGonagall said softly, for the moment ignoring the comment about nearly being pushed into traffic.

"No, we went looking for Hermione since she wasn't at the feast. She was crying in the girl's bathroom since Ron said something mean earlier. The troll found us and we were trying to get away but it had Hermione trapped in the girls bathroom. If we'd tried getting a teacher she would have been dead. We cared less about facing and stopping the troll than all of us getting _away_ from it." Harry admitted uncomfortably.

"Go on." Snape encouraged, unable to mask the slight tightness in his voice caused by his fury and concern. Thinking it was a less disturbing subject he asked. "Perhaps you'd care to explain your attire?"

"... They're the only ones I'm allowed." Harry admitted quietly, refusing to look any of them in the eye. "They used to belong to Dudley. Whenever we went to Diagon Ally Mrs. Weasley had my vault key and would get the money for my school supplies, except the first time Hagrid had it. Its not that bad, Mrs. Weasley always sends me a jumper for Christmas so I don't have to worry as much about being too cold to do my school work when its time for class."

Throughout the whole exchange the faces of the other four people took on a harder or more horrified cast. All four of them silently agreed that this had to stop and that no matter how much it pained them they had to find out _all_ of what had been done to Harry. The other three weren't even that worried that Voldemort's eyes had taken on a murderous cast, blazing in fury, to perfectly complement the granite like expression on his face.

"Lets move on to some of the patterns the spell revealed, shall we? If I have read the results correctly compared to what it showed on me..." Voldemort trailed off as he watched Harry shake his head frantically.

"Laddie, I ken this is difficult but... What wounds did the spell show? We need to know." McGonagall asked softly, unshed tears in her eyes.

"Why? Professor Dumbledore just told me I shouldn't be so ungrateful." Harry asked in a still subdued tone of voice, his eyes flashing before the fire died back down to embers.

"Never mind then. We'll talk about it later, you've already had a long day." Snape said softly, almost comfortingly, recognizing the Headmaster's guilt trip for what it was. 

Snape sent the others a warning look over Harry's head before squeezing Harry's shoulder with the hand that had been resting on it practically the whole time. He immediately felt the tension that had slowly built up in Harry's muscles under his hand relax. They all noticed how relieved he seemed to be despite his attempt to hide it.

"I think that you might be excused from the rest of your classes for the day." Flitwick offered cautiously. "Provided you remain with one of us. Is there anything else you need to tell us? Anything regarding your school work or something you feel you should tell us? For any reason?"

"Um, Professor Umbridge assigned me two more detentions with her before Professor Snape pulled me out of class." Harry told them hesitantly, mumbling a bit in misery even as he blushed in embarrassment.

"Detentions you will now be serving with me." Snape said in a tone that brooked no argument. "Bring the twin menaces with you and we'll see about showing the three of you one or two potions that might be useful... if they are careful in how they are used. Perhaps we'll even go over a few that I used on your father and the mutt."

"If your little defense club is discovered by this... Umbridge, send someone for Minnie or Severus." Voldemort instructed. "I'm certain that they wont mind explaining that it was a private project between the two of them in an attempt to try and help you learn and keep you out of trouble."

"Considering that vile creature has been hounding the staff just as much as the students and threatening us with dire consequences she might not accept such an explanation. Especially since she's banned the gathering of 3 students or more and gotten a good chunk of Slytherin house pandering to her whims and snitching on everyone else." Minerva pointed out dryly. "I do believe that Severus has managed to be the _only_ teacher she gives any amount of leeway."

"Because I've been obviously nasty to Harry. From what I can tell she would gladly see our ward dead, but can't yet afford to take that step even covertly. Not that the woman has any sense of subtly at all. If she did she wouldn't find it so hard to realize that essentially the entire school is at war with her. Aside from those in Slytherin house she has managed to subvert by practically giving them free reign and undue authorities, the entire student body would be more than happy to see the creature gone." Snape commented disdainfully.

"Would someone care to explain the defense club that was mentioned?" McGonagall asked, thinking that she was changing the subject but in actuality only changing it to a slightly different aspect of the same Umbridge issue.

"Uh, can't we focus on trying to get our resident Dark Lord out of the castle first?" Harry asked, fidgeting as he slipped into a half panicked ramble. "If you aren't going to duel or anything like that, not that I want you to duel but... how badly do you think everyone will panic if someone finds him?"

"They wont. No one has seen my restored features except for Severus and Lucius." Voldemort explained with more than a little amusement lacing his voice. "As for Harry's earlier concern over my Death Eaters, they will do as I tell them to do. As of the moment I discovered the two of you were my heirs you became untouchable. Any who wish to do you harm or to court you must first go through me."

"I believe that time has already proven that _I_ am fairly undesirable. Though I have no doubt that Harry will have no end of offers. In fact I'm surprised he isn't already receiving offers of marriage." Snape said grumpily, refusing to meet anyone's gaze and using Harry as a shield to hide behind, and conveniently forgetting his earlier discovery that someone was screening Harry's mail.

"Pish posh, Severus! Any man or woman would do well to claim you for a husband." McGonagall retorted, half scolding him for thinking himself unworthy.

"Can we not discuss... _that_?" Harry practically begged, blushing furiously.

"Were the goblins not clear enough? You will have to discuss it with one of us at some point." Severus said pointedly, ignoring the confused looks that Flitwick and McGonagall were sending them. Voldemort just sat back in his chair and smirked at the Gryffindor, refusing him any kind of rescue from the potions master.

"Why Harry, its almost as if..." Voldemort started out smirking then trailed off, sitting forward in realization as Harry's blush grew darker. "Are you a virgin?"

"Maybe..." Harry admitted, avoiding everyone's gazes, looking everywhere except at the other four people in the room.

"I would have thought by now that you had managed to get _someone_ into bed with you." Snape said sardonically.

"They don't want _me_ , they want the Boy-Who-Wont-Fucking-Die." Harry said, his voice filled with pain. "I've even caught Sirius calling me James. Hermione keeps going after me to study and be a bookworm. Ron's jealous over my fame and money. Ginny keeps throwing herself at me for no reason. Kissing Cho was... wet, and all she could think about was Cedric. Malfoy said he wanted to be my friend in first year but he was acting like Dudley and I didn't want to have to deal with _Harry Hunting_ here as well as at home, not that what Draco does do is much better. If the Prophet isn't calling me a liar, mini-dark lord, murderer, or otherwise calling for my blood, then its putting me on a pedestal and calling for me to save them and be a hero. I'm not a hero. I'm just me."

The stunned looks on the faces of his audience would have normally made Harry laugh, but not this time. This time he just scrunched further down in his seat and refused to look at them, fighting back tears. It didn't matter that the man who killed his parents and had continually tried to kill him was in the room. It didn't matter that his teachers for the last four and something years where there. All Harry could feel was the misery and pain of loneliness as he fought back his tears until he was all but numb. 

It wasn't long before Harry decided he needed to leave the room and stood up, his movement breaking the others out of their whirlwind of shock and other various emotions. Snape tightened his grip slightly on Harry shoulder before easing his grip and drawing the now standing Gryffindor around the chair and into his arms for a hug. That was all it took for Harry to break down, crying into the chest of his most hated Professor and fellow Heir to not only the Dark Lord but to Hogwarts as well.

The castle deciding that was enough about difficult topics opted to interfere just as Harry's tears began to slow. The rock tendrils eased slowly up the leg of Harry, Voldemort, and Snape before striking faster than a black mamba, drawing blood before immediately melting back into the floor with its prize of blood. All three of them jumped at the sharp pain and looked down just in time to see the stone protrusions melt back into the stone of the floor. Everyone in the room felt the smugness of the castle even as Harry's house crest and colors melted back into the regular black of unadorned school robes.

"It seems the castle has decided not to wait for us." Voldemort murmured absently, as his mind worked furiously putting together some of the pieces. He finally realized that three of the four heirs of the Hogwarts founders not only stood in the room but that the castle wasn't willing to wait for them to find the original wardstone, not to mention the needed spells, to try and reset the wards.

"I don't understand." Minerva said in confusion and sudden dismay at no longer seeing the Gryffindor crest on Harry's robes.

"Dumbledore meddled with the wards. From the information we were given it takes special spells cast by people from certain bloodlines and the original wardstone of the castle to repair the wards. One of the side effects is that everyone is required to be resorted afterwards. From what the castle just did, apparently blood from certain lines taken directly by the castle can also have the same effect." Snape explained in disbelief. "We'll likely need to get the goblins to check the wards to be certain they have in fact repaired and reset themselves rather than something else but I have no doubt that the entire student body is going to need resorting."

"Why can't my life be simple?" Harry lamented with a groan.

"I wouldn't be surprised if everyone who attended while Dumbledore was a teacher or other staff member needs to be resorted." Voldemort said with a thoughtful frown.

"That would be a large number of the current wizarding world. Albus taught me transfiguration while I was in school. I was only a year ahead of you." Minerva said thoughtfully, finally distracted from the lack of house crest on Harry's robes.

"Yes, but I can't quite remember when exactly he started teaching." Flitwick said thoughtfully. "I do happen to know that he sat his newts in June of 1862 and impressed a good number of examiners, almost as many as... well."

"How do you know that?" Snape asked archly, finally having the presence of mind to summon new seats for himself and Harry, before helping Harry into the seat between him and Voldemort.

"My dear boy, I'm half goblin. I have sources that none of you can match and more importantly I have a relative working at Gringots who absolutely hates how Albus handles his estates. Most of my goblin relatives work at Gringots so its all finances, gold, gems, and smithing or how the children took to their play samples of semi-precious stones or the fact that young Nerik found some raw copper in a cave nearby. Goblins live far longer than wizards. If we find that we need to disappear underground for a couple of thousand years, we can do it and be none the worse for the wear with almost everyone who enters hiding returning to the surface once deemed safe." Flitwick explained with more than a little of his jovial personality returning along with his humor. "As a half wizard I can live nearly as long as my goblin relatives, or slightly longer with the correct goblin treatments. Teaching charms is something I enjoy but I am still considered to be practically a child among goblins and both you and Harry's parents were my students. I am allowed to continue teaching so long as I maintain my status as a dueling champion and attend training with other young goblins every summer."

"Exactly how long do goblins live? I've never managed to find a decent reference on goblin life spans." Voldemort asked suspiciously, ruby eyes narrowed in sudden calculation and suspicion. Flitwick just chuckled and smiled at him as if Voldemort were one of his students.

"You wont get it out of him that way. I know I've tried." Severus grumbled, watching as the two of them stared each other down, one with a smile and one with an unabated look of calculation.

"Really? I wonder if Hermione knows?" Harry absently wondered even as he watched the staring match continue. Eventually Voldemort grumbled and gave up, realizing that he wasn't going to get anything out of the half goblin. Harry was relieved that he wouldn't have to try and run interference between one of his new guardians, not to mention his possible future husband, and his charms teacher.

"We've gotten off topic." Voldemort told them pointedly. "I will be collecting both of you either at the next Hogsmeade visit or during the next school holiday. I will not stand for either of you to remain under the old man's thrall in any fashion. Nor will I allow the two of you to continue being hurt, by Dumbledore or this... Umbridge. Shrink and carry your prized possessions everywhere. I may have to attack and retrieve you if one of them gets wind of this meeting, muchless what was discussed. The goblins were kind enough to point out that we effectively have either a standing marriage contract between the three of us or that Harry has to be blood adopted. Frankly, I think we should spend time together and see if we're suited. Either way I'm a possessive bastard and I wont risk further harm to the two of you if I don't have to. Yes, Severus, I did in fact notice that the old goat has been harming you, even if it wasn't physical harm. Harry, you _will_ have to talk about it at some point regardless of how much you don't want to."

"You're forgetting that technically you're a fugitive and if we go then I will have lost my income, putting Harry at risk to be taken from us." Snape pointed out softly, reminding the Dark Lord of the legal situation and causing him to scowl in frustration.

"They may still try." McGonagall pointed out tightly. "The ministry seems to be determined to either control Mr. Potter or destroy him. If his relatives signed guardianship over to Severus or to Tom Riddle rather than Voldemort then they might not be able to do as much. At least not without proving that you are not only both unfit but belong in Azkaban, which, unfortunately is possible according to the current laws and power in the Wizengamot. If guardianship became shared with I or Filius there would be fewer problems from the ministry but possibly more from Albus."

"We'll have to see what happens. Minnie, would you be willing to pretend that you have guardianship of Harry? Especially since, according to the goblins, the guardianship of the other students that Dumbledore originally held have reverted to you as deputy? You can always insist that Severus be present as the only one to be able to get Harry to behave properly or some other similar excuse." Voldemort asked carefully. "It will hide who actually has guardianship until we can figure out what to do about the old man."

"Certainly. However, I do expect a proper explanation, charmed so that only I or Filius can read it, in my hands by this time tomorrow." She told him without batting an eye.

"Giving me homework now, Minnie?" Voldemort asked with a smirk.

"When you claim two of my favorite people you ought to expect me to take a proper interest in the situation." She told him tartly.

"Sooo, you're not going to hurt anyone or go on a rampage?" Harry checked again, and received a mildly affronted glare for his troubles.

"Come, Mr. Potter. You and I will head back to my 6th year charms class. If you feel up to it you can try the spells with the other students." Flitwick told him with a chuckle gathering Harry and leaving the three to finish their talk.

"Your true intentions." Minerva demanded almost before the door finished closing behind the two, causing Snape to stare at her in startled bewilderment. Even as Voldemort started to chuckle, he mentally made his decision, he wanted them both.

"I intend to have if not one then both of them in my bed and bonded to me." Voldemort told her pointedly, smirking at the shocked look he was getting from the potions master.

"Why have you waited until now?" Minerva asked suspiciously.

"Severus was barely out of school then I lost first my sanity and my body. How was I supposed to woo him? Muchless Harry? Harry is only just old enough to allow for a proper courtship or for a previously established marriage contract to be fulfilled." Voldemort pointed out blandly. "The fact that they are not only both my heirs but also sufficiently distantly related for me to marry them is simply icing on the cake, so to speak. My own lack of attempts basically comes down to illness and lack of opportunity."

"I see them both as sons. Harm them or try to force them in any way and you will face my wand." McGonagall informed him icily, her eyes spitting fire. At the man's slow nod of acceptance she nodded sharply and left them alone, heading back to her own abandoned class.

"You... you want me? Both of us?" Snape asked, his voice ending in a squeak, drawing another deep chuckle out of the other man.

"Yesssss." Voldemort hissed out in pleasure as he watched the potions master in an obviously predatory fashion. "I may even decide to simply lock the two of you in a room until you agree, but if I have anything to say about it the three of us will be married as quickly as possible. If we find that we do not suit, then so be it but both of you challenge me. You are expert at intrigue and are skilled at keeping me guessing what you will do next. While Harry is very good at not only inciting my passion but also keeping me on my toes, though in a different fashion than yourself. As Lord of the house of Slytherin, I could simply order you both into my bed but there is no challenge to that and it would earn your unending resentment. No, I will win you both as a true Slytherin. Consider this my statement of intent. You will not get another."

Snape swallowed and nodded his understanding, before quickly leaving the room. Voldemort smiled in a shark-like manner before mentally asking the room for up to date books on law and on courting, as well as a desk and study area. He would take no chances at his two prizes escaping him. Perhaps a bonding ritual that linked their magic and life forces as well as binding them in marriage? Voldemort quickly got to work even as the requested room formed around him. 

Voldemort never expected, for one moment, to consider the idea of being the one being courted rather than doing the courting. When he emerged several hours later from his research, just shy of when the DA was supposed to arrive for their meeting, he found something interesting set out next to his place. A beautifully crafted and shaped dagger with all sorts of shielding enchantments, lying next to it was a note written in a messy scrawl, obviously written at least several days previously.

>   
>  Dear Voldemort,  
>  I found this hidden within the walls of Hogwarts and immediately thought of you. I know of no other more deserving to wield it. Though I know that any attempt on my part to c..court you is likely to fail I felt I had to try. Regardless of the outcome the dagger is yours. If you look at the underside of the hilt you'll notice an inscription I believe you'll find interesting. I discovered it by accident and hope that this gift is acceptable to you. Its likely that I will never send this but it is also my hope that I will have the courage necessary to finally get the dagger at least into your hands.
> 
> ~Your Infuriating Gryffindor  
> 

  
Voldemort read it at least three more times before allowing himself to believe what he had just seen with his own two eyes. Checking the inscription that the note mentioned he found the words "For our most loved Serpent, may our friendship always flourish" in parseltongue on the underside of the crosshilt, surrounded by a lion, an eagle, and a badger. Smiling slightly he wondered if the young man who had written the note knew at the time that he was courting disaster, only to find that now, with things so drastically changed in such a short time, he might have a chance? Shaking his head to clear it of such speculative thoughts he sat down to make a list of gifts he might get his reckless Gryffindor and his dour Potions Master. 


	4. Change of Management

It was chaos when Harry and Professor Flitwick arrived at the charms classroom. Not a single student was working on the charm that Flitwick had assigned before leaving to see exactly what Snape had wanted. Some were excitedly discussing the disappearance of any Hogwarts insignia, others were obsessing over what might have happened to cause the sudden change in everyone's attire. While still others were throwing blame at people who weren't even present, like towards Harry. It took Flitwick a good twenty minutes to get everyone calmed down. He told everyone that it would be explained at supper and to continue their day as if nothing had changed before managing to get back to the lesson while Harry quietly read in a corner of the room.

By supper it was clear that no one knew what had happened, and if they did they weren't telling. Harry had managed to get a note to Hermione via a 6th year DA member to confirm they were still having the meeting that night. None of the teachers had managed to snatch time together to try and figure out what had happened, as a result the only people who actually knew were the five who had been in the room of requirement that morning. Unfortunately the confusion actually played into Umbridge's hands to some extent and allowed her to call the entire school together in the great hall, canceling any further classes for the day. While Voldemort calmly researched what was acceptable courting behavior and what gifts both his possible husbands might accept as a courting gift the entire school was being subjected to Umbridge's sickeningly sweet disposition.

"Are we all here?" Umbridge asked sweetly as she observed the sea of plain black robes that constituted the student body, refusing to even glance at the rest of the staff.

"As far as I can tell," Dumbledore said affable as always, though Snape and McGonagall had both noticed that this time the twinkle in his eye had dimmed a bit.

"Good," Umbridge said in satisfaction, a vicious glint entering her eye as she turned to address the student body. "Ahem, hem, hem. Students please settle down. As you are no doubt aware you no longer belong to any house. As such I believe that the points which have already been awarded are invalid and remove all points from all houses."

Everyone turned to watch in dismay as every single house returned to zero, effectively resetting the competition for the house cup. The pink creature that dared to call herself a teacher ignored the scowling that she was receiving from just about everyone in the room, only Filch seemed to be pleased with her actions. While Umbridge simply enjoyed watching the twinkle in Dumbledore's eyes die and the shouts of dismay from the student body.

"You'll regret doing that Delores." McGonagall commented tartly, her mouth a thin line of disapproval. Umbridge ignored the cat animagus and continued to revel in her latest excuse to exercise power.

"Since the magic has seen fit to reject all of you from your previous house you will be resorted. Since none of the staff members have any idea what caused this I suspect you can thank Mr. Potter for it. I certainly do. As such he has just earned an additional two months of detention with me." Umbridge said meanly, throwing Harry to the proverbial lions. Snape and McGonagall glanced at one another silently conferring before deciding that Snape should take the lead for the moment.

"Come now, do you really think _lines_ is enough of a punishment for something like this? If indeed he is the one responsible and not the castle its self." Snape asked scathingly, eyebrow raised in surprised disdain, hoping that Harry would catch on to what they were doing and protest _loudly_ to his suggestion. "I can think of plenty of worse things to punish him with. Perhaps having to tutor other students while I supervise and be a practice target for certain charms and spells in say charms or transfiguration for the older years? Or he could always test my experimental potions for me and when I don't have anything for him to test he can always clean cauldrons by hand without any magic."

"Oi! Its not my fault that the castle decided to pretend to be a vampire and steal my blood!" Harry protested hotly, earning a few raised eyebrows from a number of students and a few from the staff in the process.

"Harry!" Hermione hissed, appalled at how he talked back to a teacher and the risk he took when he allowed the castle to take his blood.

"Never-the-less, before blame is cast we must discover what happened and deal with the consequences appropriately. As everyone needs to be resorted please sit down at your previous house table by year." Dumbledore told them tiredly, his hand upraised in a calming gesture. The student body responded to the tired power in his tone and settled, more than one student sending Harry a vicious glare before settling in their seats once more.

"I think we should sort the trouble makers first. Perhaps _this time_ they will be placed in a house that has a head with a firm hand." Umbridge said sweetly, a shark-like smile gracing her plump features turning them unexpectedly creepy and sending a shiver down almost everyone's back.

"Why certainly. However I suspect, my dear Delores, that your idea of troublemakers and mine differ greatly so I suggest we simply do it alphabetically as has occurred at every previous sorting. Let us wipe all the slates clean as you have done to the house points. Students, let us pretend that this is once more the beginning of the year. Your previous grades remain but all demerits and detentions that you have earned since arriving here for your first term are removed from your record as if they had never been." Dumbledore offered mildly, popping another lemon drop into his mouth as his eyes began to twinkle brightly in mirth, earning a sour look from Umbridge before she responded with her own return shot.

"Harry Potter, Fred Weasley, George Weasley, Hermione Granger, Ronald Weasley, Neville Longbottom, and Luna Lovegood will be sorted first, since it was likely that the rest of you _helped_ Mr. Potter with whatever he did to cause this." Umbridge informed them all smugly.

"Actually, none of them were present." Snape pointed out mildly, deciding that it was more important to keep them all out of Umbridge's grasp than to protect the fact that he was there when the castle sampled their blood.

"Oh? And how would you know?" The pink supposedly human toad shot back.

"Because I was there. The castle also took blood from me and my visitor, who has since left the grounds." Snape informed her, a slight scowl on his face. "I was still reprimanding Potter for his farce of a joke in your class when my visitor arrived and before our discussion was done the castle had grown small protrusions and sampled our blood. My visitor felt it prudent to leave immediately when we saw the effect on the brat's robes."

"And who was this visitor? Why was I not informed he was even on the grounds?" Umbridge demanded a tick starting to form over her right eye.

"Someone that I purchase potion ingredients from. I did not think that you would be interested in such minutia nor did I realize that I needed to report such comings and goings to you rather than the Headmaster, who controls the wards. I apologize. In the future I will ensure that you are informed." Snape responded blandly, with just a hint of danger to his tone that most of the room caught yet Umbridge completely missed.

"I was worth it to put up with the greasy git just to see that." Ron whispered to Harry who simply nodded, dumbfounded at the victory Snape had scored over the woman who had been continually hurting him that year.

"Hermione, what kind of potions ingredients do you think Snape would like?" Harry asked quietly, eyes never leaving the darkly clad figure of the Potions Master.

"I'm not sure. He might like phoenix tears or some basilisk skin." Hermione said thoughtfully as she eyed her friend. "Of course it might be better to simply take him to the chamber of secrets and let him harvest to his heart's content. Are you ever going to show me and Ron the chamber? Properly?"

"Hermione, Fawkes had to rescue us from down there. I'd rather not get trapped down there, alright?" Harry reminded her impatiently, his attention focused on the just arrived sorting hat.

"You want me to sort everyone? Again??" The hat protested from where he was sitting in McGonagall's hands.

"Yes." Dumbledore responded politely, mentally contemplating popping another lemon drop laced with calming draught into his mouth despite the fact that he wasn't quite done the first one yet.

"If I'm sorting everyone again I wont be argued with this time." The hat threatened. "I will not be talked out of proper placement based on politics or family association with one house or another. You will all go where I put you and _stay_ there!"

"You mean that you have improperly sorted students." Umbridge asked sharply, glaring at the hat.

"Not everyone fits in just one house, nor do the personality traits always run in the same family. Experience as much as blood and teaching form the person. Yes, an eleven year old will usually show most of the more prominent traits and tell me what house they belong to and will flourish in but things change. For instance I wanted to put Harry Potter in Slytherin the first time around, his ability to survive is a wonderful and often overlooked part of the traits that Slytherin valued. The brat talked me out of it, partially because he has a connection to both Godric Gryffindor as well as Salazar Slytherin. At the time I thought his reasoning valid but I was going to put him in Slytherin any way. Then the spell that yon twinkling idiot cast on me kicked in. You have no idea how many times that blasted spell has forced me to mis-sort a student since he cast it!" The hat argued back, finally able to air the many grievances he had.

"Indeed?" Umbridge asked darkly, sending a nasty smile Dumbledore's way, enjoying his sudden loss of expression.

"Yes! He's been messing with the delicate wards and enchantments that help keep this school safe and running properly! If he had simply left well enough alone then the wards which allowed Slytherin's basilisk to safely move about the school and help protect the students never would have fallen and driven the creature crazy in the process. Nor would the castle's voice have disappeared along with the portraits of the founders." The hat pointed out, clearly fuming as most of the student body either looked at the hat or the Headmaster in horror, all of them having been at Hogwarts long enough to know that mis-sorting someone was a very bad thing.

"I think that's more than enough evidence to remove you from the Headmastership. As such I must ask you to leave the grounds immediately so that you cannot interfere with the sorting. Not to mention relinquishing the wards to _my_ control." Umbridge said in a sweetly venomous tone. Most of the other teachers looked at her, appalled at her callousness and cruelty, while Snape sported a face of blank granite.

"Is the use of blood quills going to become common then? Does the minister condone the torture of children?" Snape asked blandly, never looking at the students muchless at Harry who was unconsciously rubbing at his newly healed skin. "In any case only I, Minerva, or Dumbledore are currently qualified to take control of the wards. Unless of course you want Potter to have control of them as an heir of _two_ founders? As the hat so kindly just pointed out."

More than one pureblood student paled, knowing exactly what a blood quill was and recognizing the blatant warning that Snape was trying to give them. They immediately realized that if Umbridge had one and was actually using it on one of their fellow students she could just as easily use it on them with no telling what... enhancements she had added to it. A good number of those who knew what a blood quill was turned their attention toward Harry, his many detentions with the woman being no secret. Every last one of them caught the golden boy massaging his recently healed left hand with his right, confirming that he had indeed been subjected to such a punishment. Most of them focused on the blood quill over the declaration of part of Harry's bloodline, ensuring they would be reacting later when they remembered this impromptu resorting.

"I have been appointed by the minister to oversee this school and make appropriate changes." Umbridge reminded him, eyes glittering in malicious glee tinged with a hint of madness. She completely ignored the commentary on the wards but mentally filing away the fact that Harry was the heir of the two male founders.

"I merely wondered if Minister Fudge was aware that you had students using one during detention. I was clearly mistaken." Snape said coolly, eyebrow raised before turning his attention to the very restless students. "Perhaps we should begin the resorting?"

"Certainly. Mr. Dumbledore, please leave the grounds immediately. Your presence is no longer require nor is it welcome in _my_ school. I expect the wards to revert to either myself or Professor Snape." Umbridge instructed gleefully, denying him the respect of any of his titles. Dumbledore bowed graciously and swept from first the room then the castle, leaving behind a number of suddenly very worried students. Umbridge turned to the student body smugly as she felt the wards shift from the old coot's control to someone else's and sat in Dumbledore's golden, not to mention ornate, throne before regally announcing "Let the sorting begin!" 

The sorting was mostly the same with only a few differences for their year; Hermione went into Ravenclaw. Ron went back into Gryffindor. Luna and the twins all wound up in Slytherin, while Neville went into Hufflepuff. Every house including Slytherin either gained or lost someone. The most shocking change of the night was that Harry was indeed placed in Slytherin but his robes didn't take on the normal Slytherin insignia, nor was Slytherin the only crest on his robes, merely the most prominent. Most of the purebloods were shocked to realize that the hat had been telling the truth. His robes clearly displayed the crests of Slytherin, Gryffindor, and Ambrosius(Merlin's crest) families. Although the Slytherin crest marked him only as part of the family, though not the current heir. The Black, Potter, and Perverell crests were no where to be seen, the magics only recognizing the alliance of the six families of Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, Ambrosius, and La Fey.

"No wonder you speak Parsel," Ron said bitterly, his jealously and betrayal shinning clear for all to see as Snape drew a dismayed Harry back toward the Slytherin table, away from hateful eyes and words of his former friend.

"Come, Harry, you need to eat just like everyone else. Oh and Mr. Weasley? Ten points from Gryffindor for being cruel to a classmate." Snape shot back over his shoulder. The Slytherin Head of House wisely placed Harry at the table next to Luna and the Weasley twins rather than surrounding him with long time Slytherin students. He spoke to his snakes quietly before returning to the head table for his own meal. "We will be having a house meeting tonight, no exceptions. You all know the rules, we stand together as one."

"Yes, Professor Snape." The Slytherins chorused quietly, earning an approving nod from their stern teacher before he swept away to his own seat. 

The meal progressed fairly uneventfully aside from the hateful glances thrown Harry's way from all the houses aside from his own new one. Though the longing look that Ginny sent him was just downright creepy in his mind and made him shiver. He was not a juicy piece of meat, damn it! He absolutely dreaded how his new housemates were going to treat him now that he couldn't hide in Gryffindor tower or behind Ron and Hermione. The only Slytherin he had ever really interacted with aside from Snape had been Draco, and he _still_ hated the fact that Ron hadn't even asked him before he refused Draco on the train. Yes, he didn't like the ferret since the blond git acted like his spoiled cousin who terrorized him every chance he got but couldn't he have at least been given the chance to say the words himself?

One of the twins had to nudge him before Harry realized that supper was over and the food had disappeared from in front of him without more than half of it having been eaten by the green-eyed student. They followed the other Slytherins down into the dungeons and into their new common room, being the last ones through they found themselves being scrutinized by their entire house, a sea of green, silver, and black. Snape slipped in behind his newest hatchlings and ushered them further into the room. A small touch to the shoulder is all it took to keep Harry near him, and consequentially keep the other three nearby as well.

"You all know the rules. We stand together as a family, we do not betray one another no matter our ambitions. As you all heard our newest family members were mis-sorted the first time around. I expect you to treat them as family. That does not mean that those who have left our ranks are no longer our brothers and sisters. It _does_ mean that you will treat your fellow housemates with respect and any arguments stay in the common room while presenting a united front to all outside our walls." Snape informed them as they looked toward him for guidance in such unusual circumstances. After sending a piercing look and a moment of stunned silence from his students he continued.

"On another matter, when the castle took our blood a previously unknown long standing marriage contract was presented to Mr. Potter, myself, and my guest. As such my earlier guest has declared his intent to court both of us. Either the courting will succeed or fail, in either case Mr. Potter will soon be either my husband or my son and thus a part of my family. Dumbledore and his supporters will be very keen to discover more information about the situation. I trust you all to help keep it secret until the three of us are ready to inform the rest of the wizarding world about the situation." Harry's gaze had almost immediately dropped to his shoes as a blush turned his face tomato red when he realized what other matter Snape was informing his new house about, for all the comforting presence of the older wizard's hand on his shoulder. 

"Don't worry Professor, his Darkness will treat both of you well," Luna assured, causing more than one person to draw in a sharp breath when they realized who she was talking about. Harry hid behind his bangs as the twins turned to gawk at him and more than one long time Slytherin stared at him in shock.

"Luna!" Harry hissed at his friend in exasperation, not even bothering to wonder where she had gotten the information and completely ignoring the fact that Snape had said the young lion was also being courted. Not to mention that he was also desperately ignoring the implications of Snape explaining about the unusual situation that the three founder's heirs had found themselves in to his new house.

"We were right Gred," Fred said in awe as he looked between the other two transfer students.

"We were! Our little moon is a seer!" George agreed heartily as his words sent a wave of shock through the members of the serpent house.

"Miss Lovegood?" Snape asked softly for confirmation as he peered toward the young woman.

"Yes, I am. I know none of you will share my secret, and Harry doesn't need me to help him stay alive any more," Luna confirmed pleasantly.

"Why not?" Someone asked boldly, earning a light glare sent in their direction by Snape.

"Because Professor Snape and his Darkness will protect him from now on," Luna explained patiently. "Gemini, please behave. No pranking our family in public without a very good reason."

"Yes Luna," The twins chorused, earning a round of snickers from their new housemates.

"Very well," Snape said slowly before continuing on with the impromptu but rather important house meeting. "Lets go over the rules of Slytherin house again to be certain that everyone remembers them. Obey the rules but if you must break the rules don't get caught. Stand together with your housemates, we are reviled by the other houses and thus a target. I may not punish you publicly but you _will_ be punished should you be caught breaking the rules and if you earn a detention you automatically earn a second one with me. The rules are there for a reason. Curfew is 9 O'clock for all except those 5th year and up who have a midnight curfew. My office is attached to both my quarters, classroom, and private lab, feel free to come to me with anything no matter how trivial. I may punish you for any wrong doing you bring to my attention but I will also help you."

"Professor? Harry, Gemini, and I need to share a room. Draco also needs to keep fighting with Harry for the next few months or some reason has to be presented to the school and Dumbledore for why they aren't fighting." Luna informed him, knowing that since she had revealed her status as a seer there would be fewer objections and her new housemates would do their best to protect her if it ever got out. "The other houses will be suspicious enough as it is. If we can honestly tell them that you have placed us in the same room they will think that you did it to keep us separate. This will keep the attacks and bullying down, which is going to be a problem any way especially if they realize that Slytherin house is willing to rally around us and offer us protection."

"Yes, I can see why you were sorted here," Snape said thoughtfully, thinking about the possible negative reactions by the rest of the school if they see their precious Golden Gryffindor becoming too comfortable in the snake den. "Very well. Malfoy and Potter have permission to continue their rivalry outside the common room. I want all of you thinking of a way to turn this to our advantage and move from there. If possible discuss any move you plan to make in the common room with the rest of the house to avoid conflicting plans and agendas. Until winter holidays there is to be no unnecessary wandering outside the common room and you are to move in groups of no less than three. I will leave whether to claim Miss. Granger and the two youngest Weasleys as honorary Slytherins up to you."

"No. Hermione might become comfortable in our den in time but both Ginny and Ron are firmly ensnared by the bumblebee. They are a danger to all of us," Luna told them firmly, her eyes suddenly clear as she looked around at the entire gathered house of serpents. "Perhaps we should talk with the acid tongued beetle?"

"Acid... You mean Skeeter? She keeps turning me into either a little baby crying for his parents or a raving maniac! The only reason we got her to stop when we did is that Hermione caught her on the grounds in her animagus form." Harry asked incredulously, looking at Luna like she was crazy.

"Her animagus form?" Draco asked, instinctively latching onto the scent of a dangerous secret like a bloodhound to a scent. Harry muttered something and refused to look at his long time rival.

"Its alright Harry." Luna said softly, sending a gentle smile his way, eyes going unfocused again before turning back to the rest of their house. "Harry has been tortured and kept prisoner whenever he was forced to stay with his muggle relatives. If he does not wish to share something then _nothing_ will compel him to share. He is a Parseltongue, a soul adopted child of Salazar Slytherin's line, granter of peace for the Basilisk who protected this school for so long, and a wounded serpent in his own right. I ask that this house does its best to protect this serpent who hid for so long in the lion's den and very nearly took his rightful place as pride leader for all that he tried to avoid the position."

At the words confirming Harry's home life Snape stiffened and fractionally tightened his hand still resting on his shoulder as he pulled the sable haired youth a bit closer. The house of snakes watched as their head's features darkened into a dangerous glower that nearly everyone there knew was a dire warning. Then Luna's words properly registered to the rest of the people in the room with calls of indignation, denial, shock, and quiet looks of dawning comprehension and understanding from the other serpents as Harry hunched over as if bracing for a blow. The twins were by his side the moment they got past their own initial shock, remembering how they had rescued the young man so that he could attend his second year at Hogwarts.

"Quiet!" Snape thundered, earning near instant compliance as he glowered at his serpents. "Miss. Lovegood... was that wise?"

"Wise? Perhaps not, but it was necessary. They need to understand the stakes and that for the time being they are not to inform their parents of the goings on at Hogwarts without a very good reason," Luna explained as she gently approached Harry and drew him into a comforting hug. A hug which Harry used to hide his face in her hair and neck, avoiding the inevitable stares, having been through too much that day and simply wanting to go to bed and sleep for a month for all that he knew there was a DA meeting later.

"Do you know if we're still having a meeting tonight?" One of the upper years who had been in Ravenclaw that morning asked.

"What meeting?" Draco demanded belligerently as Harry finally pulled away from Luna's hug, standing in front of his new house with the twins flanking him, Luna to one side, and Snape at their backs practically looming over the four new serpents.

"The meeting of the defense club that Hermione talked me into teaching," Harry explained tiredly. "Hermione organized it and everything when she realized that Umbridge wouldn't teach us anything. Took her almost a month to talk me into teaching and the sign up sheet is cursed so only Hermione, Ron, and I can tell without consequences. Its a bit of a flop now that Ron hates me like last year. We'll have to start over if we want to keep up the club and we should probably rename it."

"Since I will be attending tonight's meeting any who wish to see what Potter has made out of your classmates may attend tonight with me. As this will be last meeting of the club in its current form I will accept ideas as to what will be taught when it is reinstated. Bear in mind that there are wards in place that tell the headmaster if a dark spell is used on the grounds." Snape warned, deciding that he might as well become involved in the club if only to help keep his students intact and an eye on Harry.

"Fine, but it wont do anyone any good if we get caught," Harry warned everyone.

"Did you really kill Slytherin's monster in your second year?" Someone in the back asked, taking the chance that Harry might actually answer.

"It wasn't a monster. It was a basilisk and yes, I didn't want to but I also didn't have much choice if I wanted either of us to survive," Harry said shortly, he wasn't feeling overly charitable at the moment so didn't bother to clarify anything else.

"Did she really make you use a blood quill?" Draco asked quietly, remembering his godfather's earlier public warning. The four new Slytherins flinched backwards at the question, answering it for the entire house without uttering a sound and eliciting a low growl of outrage from his housemates. An action their new head of house noted and mentally promised to check the hands of the other three when he applied the next batch of healing and scar reduction salve to Harry's wounds.

"Does it really matter?" Harry shot back, resisting the urge to once more rub at his recently healed flesh.

"Lovegood, Why did you call Skeeter the Acid Tongued Beetle?" Draco asked, switching targets.

"She's an unregistered beetle animagus but then you already knew that from the interview you gave her last year." Luna reminded him, looking at the blond as if he were daft even as she ignored the gapping response of the rest of their new house.

"We will be discussing that later Draco," Snape informed his godson darkly as he glowered at the blond. Draco flinched back from the potion master's obvious displeasure before regaining his composure and nodding his acknowledgement.

"Maybe we should all show up early so that the other members wont be spooked by seeing Slytherins joining us for the meeting?" Fred suggested, trying to change the subject to something less likely to hurt their sable-haired brother.

"We can hide them all over the room! It would be a great prank." George agreed with a snicker, earning a fond headshake of exasperation from Harry.

"I'm not going to be able to talk you out of it, am I?" Harry asked dryly, Luna simply gave him a sisterly kiss on the cheek before lightly bopping both twins on the head and heading for the entrance to the common room, skipping the whole way. With a heavy sigh, Harry sent the entire house after the ditzy blonde. "Fine, follow Luna and don't let Umbridge catch you. Luna and the twins will show you how to get into the room we've been using and if Professor Snape's guest is still there, for the love of god don't annoy him! I don't want to have to explain why we've got dead students on the grounds."


	5. DA Reactions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right, sorry it took so long but my brain has been having trouble with both short circuiting and writer's block. Enjoy the meeting!  
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tom Marvolo Riddle, Lord Voldemort, knew about the defense meeting that was supposed to take place and expected a possible invasion by adolescent hormone challenged students at some point but this? This was unexpected. He had been startled out of his consideration of one of the older courting books and associated list of gifts by the entrance of the so-called demonic twins that Severus was often bemoaning during the more casual periods of the Death Eater meetings. The fact that the red-headed demons were accompanied by a group of Slytherins had just been icing on the cake. 

The man hadn't actually noticed when the room had gotten larger, splitting its self between his library section and a very obvious training area, complete with a partial wall to help shield his section of the room. He did, however, watch in interest as the duo discretely and expertly hid each Slytherin that arrived around the room until he could have sworn that at least half of Slytherin house was hidden around the room if not the entire serpent's den. Considering how many Slytherin students of all years that had been hidden around the room, he really shouldn't have been surprised when Harry and Severus arrived together only for the dour man to secret himself in a dark corner as well. 

Within five minutes students from the other houses started arriving and more than one of them glared at Harry. A phenomena which did not pass by either of the older magic users' unnoticed but also didn't seem to overtly bother the green-eyed 5th year serpent. Harry saw the looks and simply took on an air of resignation, believing that it was going to be a repeat of how they had treated him in second year and in fourth year. 

Voldemort saw all of this from the library section and his ruby eyes narrowed in displeasure at how one of his prizes was being treated. No one had commented on the new set up and Ron in particular made it a point to snarl at his former best friend as the meeting progressed. Only Luna and the twins didn't take Harry's move to Slytherin hard, all of the veteran Slytherins understood the animosity but none of them liked how Harry seemed resigned to the treatment. Eventually the Dark Lord got fed up with the disrespect and moved to the training area before clearing his throat, making his presence known to most of the group. The resigned look laced with weariness and a hint of fear for the other club members had ruby eyes narrowing once more in displeasure.

"Who are you and what are you doing here?" Ron demanded when he finally deigned to notice their now obvious observer.

"Why are you even bothering to teach them? They show you no respect aside from a very few, and the lack of common sense is ridiculous," Voldemort demanded from his youngest intended, completely ignoring the redhead. That's when Ginny decided to actually look at the man and devolved into hysterics, yelling about the diary and the Dark Lord immediately gaining his attention as he demanded an explanation. "What are you babbling about girl?!"

"She's the one that your old diary possessed in my second year before I was forced to destroy it and kill the Basilisk. She probably recognizes you from when the diary version of you became visible," Harry answered quietly, hoping the man wouldn't do anything in such a public forum but not really counting on it.

"You... destroyed my diary? And killed Slytherin's Basilisk? When you were _twelve?_ " Voldemort asked slowly in astonished disbelief, still ignoring Ginny's hysterics as Ron tried to calm her.

"Er, yes?" Harry answered tentatively, really hoping that he wasn't about to get cursed. He did _not_ want to duel the man again. He'd had a hard enough time keeping his hide intact the last time!

"Potter, sometimes your ability to get into trouble amazes even me," Snape practically purred as he moved out of his hiding spot with the rest of Slytherin house following soon after.

"Traitor!" Terry Boot snarled as the DA members backed up until they were clumped into a group surrounded by the house of snakes, wands out toward the green clad students and two adults.

"Shut up Terry!" Hermione practically hissed at the boy. "Harry knows what he's doing even if we don't."

"Miss. Granger is correct. You have no idea what is going on, so I suggest you either wait until you do know or simply be silent," Snape said pointedly before turning on Harry himself just as Ginny's hysterics drifted into quiet sobs. "I believe that you have yet to answer his first question and I also would like to hear the answer. From what little we saw you do have a _knack_ for teaching for all that their various actions lacked respect and bordered on outright attack."

"Does it matter? This is the last meeting unless everyone agrees not to report us to Umbridge and signs a new hexed agreement, provided Hermione is even willing to set it up again." Harry pointed out tiredly, unendingly glad that spells hadn't started flying... yet. Just as he was thinking this a furiously cast spell left Ron's wand only to be stopped by Voldemort's silent wandless protego even as Harry twisted around to dodge the spell a return shot on his lips only to halt at seeing the shield.

"Ron!" Hermione scolded even as the twins glowered at their brother, wands half raised to return fire. What made the other students freeze, however was the fact that every Slytherin in the room had their wands raised, ready to cast, including the two adults.

"Mr. Weasley, that was singularly unwise. Try to curse one of mine again and a month's worth of detentions with _Filch_ will be the least of your problems," Snape said silkily, his voice belaying the death glare that was aimed at the young redhead.

"Why do I keep _forgiving_ you? Especially when you pull shite like this?" Harry practically snarled at his apparently ex-best friend, his temper frayed to the breaking point. "I would trade _everything_ that you're jealous of and more for the family you have! Trade it all for someone who cared like that about me as just Harry! Sirius sees my father, you see my fame, Ginny sees the Boy-Who-Lived and her perfect prince, Hermione sees... you know I don't really know what she sees but it isn't _me_. You have no idea what I would give to be any one of you rather than what I am!"

"Yet it is not one of them I have received a gift of Slytherin's dagger from," Voldemort said softly as Harry's tirade trailed off into a deadly silence and the young man began to realize exactly what he said. The Dark Lord's comment was the only thing that kept the green-eyed wizard from bolting as Harry swung around to look at the ruby-eyed man in shock. Voldemort pulled the dagger from inside his robes to show him the truthfulness of his words. "The castle was kind enough to deliver it to me after you left earlier with Professor Flitwick along with your letter. I am honored to accept this courting gift."

The rest of the students watched in morbid fascination as red and green gazes clashed and Harry turned beet red in embarrassment, completely distracted from his previous tirade. Only Snape, Ginny, Harry, Luna, and Voldemort himself in the room at that moment knew who the red-eyed man actually was. As a result everyone was caught by surprise when Ginny gave a scream of absolute rage and charged him, breaking free of the students who had been tending to her in her previously hysterical state.

"No! He's mine! You can't have him Tom!" Ginny screamed, tears streaming from her eyes as she physically attacked Voldemort. Voldemort in turn dropped the dagger in surprise, the blade shifting mid fall into a silver bracelet that wrapped its self around his wrist as he tried to fend off the crazy witch without actually hurting her. A moment later Snape stunned her from behind with a growl and looked down at the youngest Weasley in disgust. Harry just stared at her, completely stunned by her declaration and attack. The green-eyed youth was at a complete loss as to what to do or say.

"Objections?" Snape practically growled as he met the gazes of both Weasley twins, completely ignoring the outraged noises that Ron was making as Dean and Seamus held him back from physically attacking the potions master.

"None." They said simultaneously, tones completely flat as they flanked Harry, showing their support and taking up the self imposed task as his bodyguards.

"You have the right as his fiance, just as yon red eyes does since our brother has started the courting process." Fred informed him as George glowered at the DA members, mentally marking those who had disrespected or subtly threatened their black haired brother for later pranking. Fred's comment earned wide eyed looks from every non-Slytherin student.

"The old family marriage contract you guys found more than covers this situation. However, we thank you for taking care with our little sister. She did not have the right to make such a declaration or such an attack." George agreed, taking on the task of spokesman as the twins seamlessly switched activities with one another.

"What claim do the two of you hold on Potter?" Snape asked suspiciously, deciding that it was the perfect time to discover whether they were a threat to his young intended for all that he had been blindsided by the marriage contract caused by Harry's soul adoption. Not to mention Voldemort's declaration of intent to fulfill it with _both_ of them.

"Oh, you don't have to worry about us, Professor," Fred said cheerfully, winking at the man cheekily.

"He's our brother and if we thought he'd accept the oath we would swear to his service," George explained with a chuckle, earning gobsmacked looks from most of the people in the room, including Harry.

"You can't! Dad hasn't said yes and Dumbledore..." Ron started only to be cut off by Draco.

"What does Dumbledore have to do with swearing an oath of loyalty and service?" Draco asked in disgust. "He's not their family head, nor is it any of his business! He's only the Headmaster. Its not like it has anything to do with school. Its a personal commitment."

"Not quite, its also a legal commitment. If he accepted their oath, depending on the oath, he would be completely responsible for them legally and otherwise. They would have to obey him and if they got in trouble, especially on his order, Potter would be the one who would have to administer the punishment, just as he would _receive_ their punishment or a modified version of it in their stead if the situation was severe enough." Snape explained softly, glowering darkly at his godson for even suggesting it.

"Oh... I must have missed that part when father explained..." Draco said quietly as he refused to meet his godfather's eyes. Voldemort studied the twins, still circling Harry protectively for a moment with narrowed eyes, the red coloring making them look like glowing ruby's.

"They are mine," Voldemort pointed out softly, ignoring the rest of the room for the moment, the twins meeting his gaze levelly.

"Then prove it," Fred said his voice calm and steady.

"When both our little Harry and the Professor tell us that they are yours..." George started, the magic of both twins taking on an ominously protective feel that even extended itself out to encompass not only Harry but the shocked potions master as well. Snape was completely blindsided, he had never had someone want to protect _him_ before, aside from perhaps Lily who might as well have been his sister.

"Only then will we cede our right of protection," Fred continued an odd fire having entered the eyes of both twins, mirroring the flare of their magics. Voldemort's own power flared to meet the combined magics, matching the blaze of power with a portion of his own magic.

"Until they do we still hold the right," George completed equally calm even as the muscles in both redheads tightened, ready to defend the two sable haired wizards.

"Then I will simply have to succeed in my courting wont I?" Voldemort said with slowly forming smirk, which the twins returned.

"What the hell are you guys talking about?" Harry demanded ending the stand off, sending a shiver down Snape's back even as the magics of all three, two redheads and one sable haired died down to the more normal embers of power.

"Nothing you need to worry about Harrykins," Fred assured the clearly tired former Gryffindor, completely ignoring the quiet sound of a half choked off hysterical laugh that Snape produced.

"Yeah, we just wanted to be sure he wasn't going to act like some of the people we've had to chase away from you," George agree, blithely ignoring the sudden glower that possibly qualified as a mini-death glare from those gorgeous emerald eyes that Harry was sporting.

"Perhaps this is not the best time to discuss pureblood courting etiquette," Snape practically choked out before forcing himself to take a deep breath and handle the situation with proper decorum, or as much of it as possible. "Now that the meeting is over and everyone has seen your little club, perhaps you would all care to stop harassing my guest with your unending questions?"

"Of course Professor," The twins said unanimously, smirking at the older wizard the entire time but ending their protective pacing for all that they failed to relax much more than that, still completely ready and willing to strike at an attacker. 

The Slytherin girls were another matter. At the implied mention of pureblood etiquette lessons for _Harry_ they each got a gleam in their eyes and many of them looked towards Luna for permission. The airy blond simply smiled and nodded her permission before starting to eye Professor Snape's robes thoughtfully, drawing their attention to the fact that both wizards were in desperate need of a wardrobe update. The silent meaningful glances exchanged between the green clad women had many of the male students who had sisters gulping and sending sympathetic looks toward the oblivious targets of the hunting females. 

Voldemort noticed and had to bite back a smile, deciding that he could use their sudden interest in his two powerful prizes by offering them sanctuary and thus also spending proper quality time with his future husbands. Provided none of the females went to far so that he wouldn't have to kill them for touching the two strikingly powerful wizards he had no real objection to them giving his intended's a make over. If any of them did go too far... well he was the Dark Lord after all and Nagini would enjoy the snack.

"Its late and the day's upheavals have yet to properly settle. Should any of you wish to join the properly sponsored version of the club, which _I_ will oversee, please see me after class during the next two weeks," Snape pointed out as calmly as possible. He fought the confusing not to mention unnerving urge to bolt from a predator that he couldn't see as ice slid down his spine that suddenly engulfed him. Forcing himself back into his menacing professor mode before he continued. "Bear in mind that for some of you Umbridge might need to believe this is a punishment. Any of you who cannot or will not meet my minimum standards will be unable to join the group at certain activities. _IF_ you make enough effort and progress I might be able to persuade Professor McGonagall to help me attempt to teach you how to become animagi for the upper years and some other treat for the lower years. These rewards, however, are contingent upon Professor Umbridge being mostly or completely unaware of the true goings on in the club and your own performance."

"Why would anyone want to be trained by _you_? You're an evil snake and a Death Eater. Who would ever want _you_ for anything?" Ron said disdainfully, a glower of raw hatred showing his true feelings for the head of Slytherin house.

Snape felt like he had been kicked in the gut, a sharp yet low indrawn breath the only indication aside from the sudden whitening around his lips as his nostrils flared. Oh, he knew the rumors about him being evil, a vampire, and an overgrown bat. Hell, after a certain point he started helping the rumors along, helping them to see what they wanted to see. That didn't mean that such accusations didn't hurt almost as much as they had when he was targeted mercilessly by the Marauders.

"Detention with Filch for a week and a loss of 20 points from Gryffindor for disrespect of a staff member, Mr. Weasley," Snape bit out, hoping that no one had noticed his controlled reaction. 

Harry looked at the darkly clad man sharply. He had heard that quiet indrawn breath for all that Snape hadn't been the only one to make the sound. He knew how biting such words could be and how deeply they could cut. As a result it wasn't Snape's detention and loss of points that had Ron shutting up, it was the venomous glare that mimicked a particularly vicious poison green color from Harry that had the brash redhead scowling at the floor.

"You know, if this is the best you can do teaching Potter then I'm glad that Professor Snape is going to run the new Defense club," Draco said in a thoughtfully mocking tone, earning glares and bristling from the DA members.

"Oi, its not like _you_ 've got anything to teach. I bet Potter could wipe the floor with you," Seamus said hotly, earning rapid nods from various Army members.

"Its not like he doesn't regularly loose to the baby _Dark Lord_ anyway," Terry Boot said snidely, managing to successfully insult both rivals at once with a dark look from Harry and an angry flush from Draco as his reward.

"That's enough," Snape barked out sharply, his own death glare quieting the sudden unrest among those gathered.

"How do you even keep them _alive_ during potions class?" Voldemort asked in dark amusement, his voice giving nothing away mimicking an idly inquiry.

"By keeping them on their toes," Snape responded absently, his glower still directed at the various students in the room. "Heaven help them if I find they've dropped or knocked something wrong into a cauldron and _any_ of them messing with someone else's potion soon wishes they had never been _born_. My reflexes will only let me keep them alive in the lab if I actually manage to notice the alteration in time."

"Have you ever lost any of them? I know Slughorn got more than one student killed during his tenure as potions professor. A few of them decided that they didn't have to obey the rules of the lab and nearly took out the entire school," Voldemort commented, maintaining his mask of idle curiosity and nonchalance along with his distraction.

"Not yet but there is always a first time," Snape said, still glowering at them, recognizing the subject for the distraction it was. "Of course I'm tempted fairly often to simply turn a few of them into potions ingredients and be done with it."

"But we try ever so hard Professor," Pansy said sweetly, giving the DA members a mocking 'kiss kiss'.

"Of course it might all be different if Potter actually managed to teach this lot anything. From what we saw tonight they made a rather poor showing," Draco drawled, every inch the Malfoy heir.

"Harry did a really good job," Susan Bones protested. "He taught us basic dueling..."

"Jinxes and Hexes!" Someone called out.

"Using your environment to help you," An older Ravenclaw added. "Like dodging behind a tree or throwing grass and dirt into the eyes of whoever is trying to kill you."

"Hitting a boy between the legs! Using your elbows and knees to hit _hard_." A sweet little Hufflepuff third year said enthusiastically, earning a wince from just about every male there. "Hiding somewhere small and hitting them when they go past!"

"Then there's the patronus charm, most of us can cast it now," Luna said dreamily as Harry blushed over all the support, getting brighter in embarrassment with each new person calling out.

"We also had mock battles, Professor," Hermione admitted as she came forward, closer to the two Hogwarts graduates. "It was set up several different ways and we all had to work together either attacking or defending. Sometimes the defenders would protect something or someone and sometimes they would just defend themselves. Depending upon the goal we would even find a way to award prizes."

"Yeah!" Colin agreed enthusiastically. "I managed to win a day taking pictures and stuff, talking with Harry! He spent the _whole_ day with me! Just for getting past everyone and tripping the BOSS so I could get the red ball!"

"Boss?" Draco asked intently, wondering what a 'Boss' had to do with a mock battle for all that he was smirking over Potter's obvious embarrassment as his nemesis tried to hid behind the madly grinning twins.

"One group has to try and beat everyone else, get to the BOSS, get past him or her and grab the ball. Its usually bright red since that's easy to see," A seventh year Hufflepuff explained. "Whoever grabs the ball can ask for a reward, within reason. If the defenders manage to stop everyone then they get chocolate frogs. We all pitch in to buy them. Someone suggested that the loosers be the first ones to leave and check to see if there is anyone around but that was shot down pretty quick. The teams are always mixed up and no one knows where they're going to be but if Harry's part of the attacking team than its usually half the normal size because of how powerful he is. Same with the defending side, so we try to get him set up as the boss or to sit out and watch as referee. On target practice days he switches between being the target and helping everyone's aim. Though the first time the Weasley twins put him up to it, then Granger realized that it would help him learn how to dodge and started making everyone take a turn as the target."

"Don't remind me!" Harry said with a groan as he covered his face with his hands at some clearly embarrassing memories that had most of Slytherin house smirking, even if the malicious edge that used to be there was missing.

"Some of the rewards are really weird though," A younger Ravenclaw admitted, almost embarrassed on Harry's behalf.

"You should have seen his face when Romilda Vane asked for a date," Hermione reminded them, laughter practically dancing in her voice.

"Hermione!" Harry said in a pained voice as his two fiance's watched on in amusement, both making a mental note to do something to Miss. Vane for the audacity of trying to date Harry.

"Well, she did win," The bushy haired girl shot back mercilessly. "Its not like it was the weirdest request. Not like the time that Ginny asked for you to let her dress you up as a sex slave, dance around the great hall practically naked on a leash, and sleep in her bed." These last words had the two older male's amusement disappearing in a nanosecond and their demeanor's chilling like a frozen breeze.

"Fred and George dosed her with that weird truth serum and then asked her what her weirdest fantasy was! Its not my fault that they slipped it too her!" Harry pointed out irritably, fed up with being teased over it. 

Both Snape and Voldemort frowned, easily hearing just how much it bothered the green-eyed teen in his voice and not entirely sure it was the teasing rather than the content of the request. A silent command went around among the Slytherin upper years to keep the insane red-haired girl away from their new housemate. Not a single Slytherin thought they could get away with hurting or failing to protect their head of house's intended/potential son. Not that many of them thought _Harry_ would actually be the one to decide which role he played with how long he had been hiding in the lion's den.

"Look, lets all just go to bed," Harry suggested tiredly in exaggerated aggravation. "We can figure anything else out tomorrow. The twins can keep Umbridge busy while we talk and I can get a list of the twins suggestions tonight.

"We don't need anything from you _snakes_ ," Ron practically spat his disgust and fury.

"Do I need to add another week of detention?" Snape drawled, his eyes gleaming in sudden malice. Ron glared at them hatefully but didn't say anything else.

"My, my, if the Dark Lord doesn't make sure all of his people are trained properly your little club will beat them," Voldemort said thoughtfully, ignoring the shocked look he was getting from Harry, the twins, and most of Slytherin house. "I daresay that at the moment most of you might really only have trouble with his inner circle and some of the professional duelers in his service."

"You're joking?" Harry practically squeaked, still half concerned that he'd wind up dueling the man for all said man was admitting he did a good job with the DA.

"Potter, do you have _any_ self confidence?" Snape drawled as he moved his intense gaze from Ron, who slumped in relief or defeat, to look at his young intended. "I am a defense master and judging by what you had to work with, not to mention the slip-shod instruction you've all had in the subject, you did decently. While the new club might need to be a bit more circumspect, nearly everyone here will obviously pass their OWLs and very likely their NEWTs on what you taught them alone. My issue is primarily the fact that they did not show you the respect you clearly deserve, nor did they head your warnings. Things could have gone very badly as a result."

"Um, thanks?" Harry offered tentatively, earning a snort of amusement from both Voldemort and Draco, both wizards familiar enough with the dour man to know how high of a praise that little speech had been.

The meeting ended and the Slytherins delighted in finding out how exactly the DA had been escaping from them using the room of requirement. Hermione looked at Snape and Voldemort thoughtfully, completely unaware that one of them was the Dark Lord, her mind working over time before following one of the older Ravenclaws to their tower. All of the serpents enjoyed the slides that the castle and room made for them, more than one of them deciding that they would sneak into the room of requirement at some point to use them again.


	6. House Secrets

"What is up with the little Weasels?" Someone snarked as the last Slytherin student tumbled happily from the temporary slides into the dungeon common room.

"House Weasley has an ongoing feud with House Malfoy, but mostly I think that their hatred of Slytherins is pathological and unfounded," Draco drawled from his position leaning against the stone near the fire place. "We'll find out if it runs in the parents when _our_ Weasels get their howler from home. Obviously _our_ Weasels don't have that hatred or we all would have been a lot more uncomfortable over the years and they would have already tried to do something stupid."

"Oi!" The twins protested indignantly before turning sheepish.

"Our mum is the one that has the most trouble with Slytherins," Fred explained quietly as they both looked slightly glum.

"Wouldn't surprise us one bit if she disowns us, but..." George continued, both of them cheering a bit.

"We wouldn't leave our Harrykins!" Fred pointed out cheerfully as they both shot him fond looks.

"Nope. Harry is our little brother and our lord," George informed them practically beaming.

"We still haven't sworn to him but for us..." Fred started suddenly more serious, with George easily matching him expression for expression.

"Swearing our oaths is really just a formality," George finished as they both cheekily bowed to Harry. Harry on the other hand simply rolled his eyes at their antics having decided that he needed more information before seriously considering whether to let the menaces try swearing their undying allegiance to him.

"Gemini could hardly hate themselves when they enjoy it so much and with how often their games have helped Harry," Luna agreed airily.

"Hey, Potter! How did you know to teach all of them that stuff? I thought you were treated like Draco or a god at home?" Someone cat-called from near one of the tapestries, earning a protective, furious glare from the twins as Harry looked suddenly ill.

"Well, when your cousin is part of a gang and their favorite pastime is called 'Harry Hunting', it's kind of inevitable that you learn to fight," Harry said, then looked at the floor dejectedly. "Especially when they always seem to catch you no matter how fast you are or how well you hide." 

The stunned silence spoke volumes even as everyone but the twins and Luna, who were glaring at everyone else for bringing it up, stared in utter shock at the Golden boy. Severus felt his heart drop, suddenly seeing many of Harry's actions in a new light. Yes, he had seen the damage when the goblin had cast that spell on the three of them but he hadn't properly comprehended what it actually meant. Apparently, both he and the Dark Lord would be having some serious conversations with their little lion.

"You're having us on!" A second year Slytherin accused. 

Harry just looked at the little serpent and decided 'why the hell not? Its not like I didn't pretty much go off and tell them earlier'. With the decision made he reluctantly turned his back to the rest of the room, stripping off his shirt, while simultaneously dropping the glamours he tended to use to cover up injuries, new and old. A gasp from most of the house informed him that he had made his point as he quietly slipped his shirt back on and headed for the stairs. Luna quickly passed him to lead them to the small set of split rooms that the castle had created for the foursome separate from the rest of their house as they went to bed. Leaving chaos to descend in the house of snakes until Snape managed to corral them and send them off to their own beds more than half an hour later.

When an exhausted and heart sick Severus finally got back to his room he found a note on his pillow from Voldemort.  


> _  
> -Severus_
> 
> _I dislike discovering that someone else is harming or otherwise trying to claim my prize, or in this case prizes. Do take more care with yourself and our little kitten. I would hate to have to pull the two of you away from the public until my position was properly secured._
> 
> _-V  
> _

  
The attempt at a concerned note rather than issuing a command sent a shiver down Snape's spine. He hadn't really thought the Dark Lord was serious about this courtship, that he wasn't simply dabbling with the two of them for amusement's sake or to neutralize the threat that Harry represented. While possibly problematic or even disastrous it was nothing on the level of the man actually _wanting_ the two of them as spouses in more than just name or for another, more suitable heir. Yes, it was clear they had both misjudged Harry and the situation would need to be reevaluated but still!

A throbbing in his temple and behind the dark man's eyes started to form as he set the note aside and attempted to massage away the sudden pain. He supposed that if this really wasn't a game, for all that the Potions Master had tried hard to hide or even destroy his own feelings, then he had better arrange for a courting gift for each of his intendeds. Especially if he wanted to have any say in the likely upcoming marriage, muchless be considered a proper partner to the two powerful wizards he was essentially betrothed to. Perhaps Minerva or Granger would be willing to help? Stumbling through his evening ritual the dour man climbed exhaustedly into bed, finally allowing the bliss of unconsciousness to claim him...

It had pained the Dark Lord to leave his two intendeds, at the school that had served as a home for all three of them but Voldemort knew that he was going to have to work fast if he didn't want them hurt or possibly for them to be killed before the end of the week. Dumbledore would have to be stalled or otherwise dealt with. He needed to inform his followers that both of them were under his protection per the old courting laws and rules, especially as being the most likely to be the dominant/alpha of the situation. Then there was the courting gifts he would have to find and properly present to the two, not to mention what to do about the press and the automatic filing of the marriage contract they were working under. 

Perhaps he could get Lucius to find the record and charm it invisible or at minimum obscure their names on the contract? That would at least buy them some time. Thankfully at least Harry couldn't be taken away from them, the marriage contract, the heirships that the goblins had confirmed, and the official transfer of guardianship had made certain of that. Revoking one, muchless all three forms of guardianship would be a legal and magical nightmare for anyone who tried. Thank the gods for the natural guardianship and binding magics involved! 

Voldemort winced when he realized that courting gifts aside, he was going to have to find a way to make up for the misery that he had put both younger wizards through. He truly hoped they would be willing to forgive him or at least ignore their previous issues and try to start over but he wasn't really counting on it. He would have a lot of groveling to do especially if he had to kidnap them both and lock them away to keep them safe while the war raged. 

The most feared Dark Lord of the last couple of centuries was _not_ looking forward to the reactions of his fiances if he decided to lock them behind heavy wards for safety reasons. The ruby-eyed man instinctively knew that any kind of confinement or restraint against their will, even with the intent to protect, would have both of them utterly furious with him. Something that, if it happened, he was going to have to seriously make up for. It was bad enough that he had already hurt them both more than once before they found out about the marriage contract.

Then there was the fact that he was going to have to try and explain the situation to _Nagini_. The serpent was going to either be confused, enraged, or find the situation hysterically funny. He knew that whatever her initial reaction that he was in for a good deal of ribbing and scolding from the serpent, even if he managed to pass off their previous interactions as some type of test to see if both wizards were worthy of being his mates. 

At least their age difference wasn't that much of a problem legally, for all that it might be a problem personally when they finally adjusted to the situation. Considering how long wizards actually lived the difference in their ages was the equivalent of no more than about 10 or possibly closer to 5 years difference social age difference when properly compared to muggles. All three of them were half-bloods, all three of them had mostly grown up in the muggle world aside from their time at Hogwarts. 

On that note he really needed to get that wizarding customs class set up and make it mandatory for anyone who had lived in the muggle world. With a mental growl Voldemort forced him self off of brooding over the inadequacies of the current learning system at Hogwarts and back to the task of protecting, not to mention courting, his intendeds. He was brought up short by the sudden horrifying thought of what _Dumbledore_ would try to do if the man got wind of the situation. Well that solved the first gift, or partly solved it anyway, both Harry and Severus were getting something practically _saturated_ with protective magics of all types. Voldemort hurried down the secret tunnel before apparating back to Malfoy manor from just outside the school wards while still inside the tunnel and hoped that both Lucius and Narcissa would be willing to help him pick out appropriate items to enchant.

McGonagall and Flitwick, on the other hand were suffering through a nightmare staff meeting with the pink toad.


	7. Howler

The next morning at breakfast the students gathered in the great hall and sat at their current house tables for breakfast. More than one of the students noticed how ragged most of the staff seemed that morning. Few students, if any, felt pity for the teachers as a whole but some of the students did glare at the benignly smiling pink clad woman in the Headmaster's seat. Whispers started circling the hall almost the moment everyone sat down, some of them were saying that all of this was a good thing, most were ready to hex Umbridge into the next century. 

Surprisingly none of the snakes looked particularly happy and several near Harry actually added food to his plate as sneakily as they could or watched him like a hawk. They were practically staring either at him for signs of distress or watching for signs of attack against either him or their house. The sound of wings foretelling of the mail's arrival broke up the whispering and various glares traveling around the great hall. 

Ron, however, looked downright gleeful when he finally spotted the red colored letter that old Errol was laboriously carrying towards the twins even as the entire Slytherin table eyed it warily. Draco was the first one to spot the letter from among those clad in green and silver. His angry scowl alerted the rest of the table and had the twins watching the laboriously approaching owl in dread. Everyone was surprised when Errol decided to crash in front of Harry rather than the twins. Warily Harry exchanged a confused glance with Fred and George before reaching out to take the mail from poor Errol and carefully opening it. Molly's voice snapped out of the letter in a thunderous roar as the magically enhanced piece of mail floated facing the three boys.

" ** _Frederick Miles Gemini Weasley! George Jackson Gemini Weasley! You ought to be ashamed of yourselves, first it was those horrible, useless pranks that I don't know where you got the money from to start producing more, then there was the talk about opening a_ joke shop, _now whatever you've done to get the whole school resorted simply to give me a heart attack and get yourselves sorted into Slytherin? Slytherin! of all places! Return to Gryffindor or you will be disowned! There will be no Slytherins in_ this _family! We've been Gryffindor for centuries and this is how you repay that tradition and bravery?! For shame! As for you Harry James Potter, I don't know what to do with you! I love you like a son dear but all of this trouble needs to stop! Fighting trolls, basilisks, murderers, wandering into the forest, and participating in adult only tournaments! You. Are. A. Child! Leave these things to the adults and_ try _to follow the rules. They really are there for your safety. What would your parents say if they could see what you've done with the life they sacrificed their own to save?! They_ died _for you! Return to Gryffindor tower with the twins and let the adults handle it!_** " The letter violently tore its self apart allowing the red colored pieces of parchment to floating down onto the table, scattering amongst the food and dishes.

"So, Gemini is actually one of your names?" Harry asked, trying to cover up the pain that Molly's words had inflicted, especially those about his parents.

"Yeah," The twins admitted glumly as they watched the Howler tear its self to pieces. "She just almost never uses it for some reason."

"Well, at least I know you're putting the galleons to good use," Harry said philosophically as he downed the last bit of his pumpkin juice, earning bright yet brittle smiles from Fred and George.

"You also have a few new targets," Luna pointed out cheerily, only to get confused looks in return before practically handing them the names of their targets. "He's afraid of his teddy turning into a spider, the seventh child is afraid to loose Harry for all that she's already lost him, and the other one likes kittens and pink!"

"Well, we have been trying to figure out the best staff member to try some of our pranks on," Fred said contemplatively.

"And actually _paying_ test subjects is a bit boring, besides we have to keep our hand in," George agreed as they both started eying the targets that Luna had picked out for them. Even as Snape quickly approached the table to check on his snakes, having been forcibly delayed by Umbridge for all that he could see the pain on his young fiance's face over the vitriol the howler had spat.

"Harry?" Snape asked quietly as he stood scowling behind them, looking for all the world that he was getting ready to punish them for disrupting the morning meal.

"I'll live," Harry's tone was so self deprecating that it brought incredulous looks from his green clad housemates and an even darker look from his fiance.

"Detention tonight Potter. I think cleaning the entire common room and dormitory by hand without magic might make you less prone to causing disruptions to a peaceful morning. Report directly after your last class," The potions master said sharply, his voice lifted to carry easily across the entire hall, gaining satisfied looks from both Ron and Umbridge. The Slytherins on the other hand gave quiet sighs of relief, no one would miss the house meeting their head had just set if they could help it. Harry simply nodded in obvious misery and gave a resigned sigh, honestly believing that he would need to do the cleaning that night.

"House elves silly," Luna said quietly, a look of amusement dancing across her face as Harry brightened a bit. He hadn't thought about the fact that the wording said nothing about doing it alone, just that he personally wasn't allowed to use magic to help him clean.

The day was fairly normal even if Draco had to drag Harry with him to each of his newly appointed classes rather than letting the former lion get into trouble for using his old schedule. Not a single snake missed the way that Umbridge was eying Harry or the slightly frosty facade that McGonagall adopted around him now that he wasn't one of her lions. They also didn't miss how both McGonagall and Flitwick arranged to have Harry near his newly protective housemates. Nor the fact that they continually included at least one child of a Death Eater family in Harry's assigned groups.

Harry was a little surprised to find the entirety of Slytherin House arriving at the common room after the last class of the day. Many of the younger ones were giving him sympathetic looks or offering him conciliatory pats on the back. No one was pleased when Umbridge showed up with a nasty smile on her lips and her blasted clipboard in her hands.

"Hello students!" The pink toad said brightly with a falseness that practically dripped with poisoned honey. No one moved, no one dared. "Well? What are you waiting for? Into the common room!"

"We've tried ma'am, someone must have changed the password early and forgotten to post it on the notice board," A little first year said innocently, not having bothered to even try the entryway nor the current password. 

None of the snakes wanted this... creature in their domain, especially after they had finally understood how Harry had been treated. If Harry's name and position couldn't protect him then what could the rest of them hope would protect them? No, there was Gryffindor bravery and then there was Slytherin sneakiness which was its own form of thoughtful bravery. 

This pink monstrosity had crossed the line with using a blood quill and lost the house of serpents in the process. Every student either knew or had been informed by a house mate what the damnable quill was and the fact that it was illegal. As a result the beady eyed pink clad woman had lost her only solid pureblood toe hold in the school. If the rest of the school refrained from turning on their most powerful young serpent then those of Slytherin house would reward that loyalty and cunning. Already several Lions, Ravens, and Badgers had been quietly marked by the green clad house as traitors and tools, even as more than one student had quietly approached Luna or the Twins to either beg or offer aid.

"Potter, open the entry way," Umbridge ordered nastily, a nearly feral gleam entering her eye causing a few of the younger years to carefully back away from her.

"I'm afraid no one has informed me of the password Professor," Harry offered softly, resisting the urge to meet her gaze defiantly as he looked at his feet, shuffling a bit as if suddenly cowed by the woman and his time in the snake pit. "I can ask it to open in parseltongue like with the chamber of secrets but I'm not sure it will work."

"You will do no such thing," Severus said sharply from behind Umbridge, earning a quiet sigh of relief from the students.

"Severus! I came down to supervise Mr. Potter's detention and see if he needed another one to properly learn his lesson," Umbridge said ingratiatingly, smiling a sickeningly sweet smile and batting her eyelashes in a way that caused a flash of repulsion to flicker across the dour man's features before settling back into a blank mask.

"If my detention is insufficient to curb Mr. Potter's transgression I will be confiscating several of his family heir looms, ones which _Dumbledore_ saw fit to gift him with," The verbal sneer that saturated Dumbledore's name was entirely genuine, for all that he had no intention of following through with the threat. 

Yet the potions master did not miss the flash of true fear that crossed his fiance's face before a dull blank mask slipped into place as Harry huddled over his book bag. Snape mentally cursed at his own stupidity, he should have known from Harry's previous responses to various barbs, not to mention the reaction at breakfast, and the revelations over the last 48 hours that his threat would be taken seriously. The look of satisfaction that graced the new headmistress' features however made it very clear that _something_ would have to be confiscated to appease the vile bitch.

"Professor? One of the other Slytherins took them away from Harry when he was looking at them in the common room last night," Luna said softly, earning a few confused looks and many others filled with dawning understanding from the older years, the only private thing that Harry had revealed to them last night were his scars and the DA.

Luna had just set up the situation so that something else could be sacrificed for Harry's few precious possessions that reminded him of his parents. Snape inclined his head minutely in acknowledgement and gratitude even as the pink clad monstrosity gave the ditsy blond a nasty glare. After Harry had taken his twins and seer, leaving for bed the night before everyone had agreed to try and protect him. The only real issue had been solved when the identity of his fiances were revealed, practically obligating the children of the Dark Lord's followers to protect the Golden boy. 

An idea formed in a flash of brilliance, looking briefly at Luna for confirmation and getting a slow nod in response had Snape taking a deep breath and hoping that it worked. A quiet hand signal to his godson had Draco slipping up to his side murmuring something inane and inaudible to him to make it appear that he was informing the professor of something. Severus eyed Harry with obvious distaste before opening his arms to the younger wizard offering a very public hug. The flash of confusion and hesitant approach barely got him in reach of the potions master before he was roughly pulled into a hug.

"Professor Snape! What is the meaning of this?!" Umbridge demanded shrilly, staring at the scene in betrayed shock.

"Apparently someone dosed Potter with a poorly brewed prank potion. His suppression of the symptoms is a side effect of how often he has been hurt fighting things he never should have had to face and lack of a mind healer. _Dumbledore_ is clearly trying to force him into becoming a self sacrificing hero, willing to die if the old man orders it. From what I have been able to discover many of the dangerous situations that Potter has faced were orchestrated specifically to test him and not the wild rumors everyone believes them to be. I have been unable to discover proof of who is putting him through hell that would kill many fully qualified wizards though I have my suspicions," Snape informed her sardonically as he held his now quietly crying fiance close. He picked his next words carefully, not wanting to overly alarm his snakes but deeply concerned over how Harry was handling the situation. "I will have to monitor him for the next several days to ensure he doesn't choose... an eternal rest. Congratulations Delores, you've nearly driven him to his own death."

"Impossible! The brat is lying!" Umbridge protested, tone edging into a shriek, her eyes bugging half out of her skull. "He could never have done any of those things!"

"Whether he has or not makes no difference as he is very close to breaking beyond repair. Delores, children are fragile in many ways and need to be handled with a certain amount of care. If you do not cease acting as if they were traitorous adults with full comprehension of the politics and deserving of execution merely for forgetting to tie up their ties properly you will be dealing with the consequences. One of which is being forced to explain not only to their parents but to the rest of the wizarding world why a child was found dead under your care and it will have not a jot to do with the rest of the staff even if you succeed in shifting the blame. They are effectively kittens in human form and forced to grow up at the rate of a human. Would you really be doing all of this if they were in the shape of cats? Hurting them until they cry and scream?" Snape asked her harshly, giving her his best death glare, thoroughly fed up with the damage she was doing to the students and his fiance. He had purposefully chosen cats for his analogy, the entire school having been made painfully aware of her fondness for the creatures, and had the hollow satisfaction of seeing her look of shocked despair and dismay.

Cuddling Harry close he snapped out the Romanian word for serpent, triggering the secondary override keyed to his magical signature that he had insisted being placed on the Slytherin common room entry way. Everyone silently filed into the common room before the potions master wandlessly cast a feather-light charm on his fiance. Picking him up he carried Harry into the snake den, firmly closing the entryway behind them. 

Everyone waited until the dour man had chosen one of the oversized chairs near the fire and settled into it with Harry in his lap before choosing their own places according to the natural hierarchy of the snake pit. The only sounds for the next hour were Harry's quiet sobs and the turning of pages or the rustling of parchment as Severus quietly crooned to his fiance, trying to comfort him, Luna, the twins, and his godson resting on the floor at his feet. He dreaded the knowledge that their other fiance would have to be informed as quickly as possible. Eventually Harry fell into an uneasy sleep in the older man's arms, exhausted for the second time in two days.

"Sir? Is he...?" Draco asked quietly after Harry had slipped into sleep.

"No, he's stronger than that but now that I know more of the situation I can safely say that others would have gladly chosen the route I spelled out long before now were they in the same situation," Snape said quietly, not wanting to wake his young fiance. "He misread my intentions this morning and just now in front of that... _woman_. I will not have him break because of a misunderstanding when he has survived so much, no matter how true my words were when I spoke them earlier. He would not have been so emotionally vulnerable had the rest of the golden trio stood by him. You may not kill or permanently maim them but I will say nothing when the rest of you seek their blood. The facade of a potions mishap will be maintained for the time being. You all have permission to relay the scene in front of the common room to your parents. I will be sending my own note to the Dark Lord, he will not be pleased."

"No, he wont," Luna agreed serenely. 

A small smile appeared on her lips as she thought of the groveling and explaining the man had needed to do that day to get the Malfoys and Nagini to help him even start looking for his courting gifts. The serpent familiar had not been overly pleased to discover the man's mistreatment of his potential mates for all that she also found the situation hysterically funny. Luna knew they would have fun finding her friend and the professor the perfect gifts even as she sadly acknowledged that the situation was likely to get worse before it got better regardless of her help. 

Snape borrowed a quill and parchment to write his letter on the student desk in the miniature dorm after placing Harry on his bed. When he was done he sent it out with Draco's proud eagle owl alongside his godson's own note to his father before returning to the dorm. He displaced one of the twins who had chosen the beds to either side of the young savior to act as a sort of guard even at night. Fred just shrugged and slipped into bed alongside his brother, the twins used to sharing just about everything. An alert charm placed on Harry and a transfiguration of his clothes into a nightgown were all that he needed before sliding into the student bed for the night so near his fiance. He drifted off into a light sleep, confident that he would be awakened by the charm should Harry need him or one of the jinxes the twins had placed should their small dorm be invaded.


	8. Gifts of Intent

Voldemort arrived at Malfoy Manor exhausted and simply wanting to go to bed, his little impromptu trip to Hogwarts having taken the entire day. Entering the room that Lucius had made available to him he stripped down and got ready for an early bed time. When his gaze landed on his new silver bracelet he examined it more closely, appreciating every dip and curve, every design inscribed in the metal. He eventually recognizing the parselscript inscription that had been on the underside of the hilt and realized that it was the dagger. A small smile flickered across his features at the thought of how he had received his first courting gift before he crawled into bed, clutching the wrist close to him that had the bracelet as he slept deeply and dreamed of his fiances.

The next morning the Dark Lord disappeared into the vast Malfoy library looking for more ideas on what gifts to give his intendeds, baffling his hosts and familiar in the process. His attempts at burying himself in his search were in vain for the Lady of the house dragged him out around dinner time and demanded that he tell them what was going on even as she forced him to eat something. She had somehow managed to take away his wand and stick him to the chair in the dinning room, much to Lucius' amusement and Nagini's glee, but he didn't begin to feel dread until he got a good look at her expression.

"Enough! You may be our lord but I am the Lady of this house and a Healer. This isn't healthy. What is so important that you have missed three meals in a row and practically burrowed into our library?!" Narcissa demanded in exasperation, her expression thunderous as she waited, tapping her foot his wand in her hand with arms crossed and eyebrow arched. Voldemort mumbled something and refused to look her in the eye a flush staining his pale cheeks. "Repeat that, at a level so that we can actually here it this time."

"I'm trying to find courting gifts for Severus and Harry Potter," Voldemort said a bit louder, blushing even more brightly. Lucius choked on the wine he was sipping, Nagini started chortling as she slithered over and up onto his lap, wrapping around him in a cross between a hug and a binding hold as Narcissa looked at him in wide-eyed startlement.

"Start at the beginning and leave nothing out," She ordered before summoning a chair for herself as Voldemort resignedly sighed and explained what had happened, showing off his new bracelet and its dagger form and ending in a stuttering request for help. He didn't expect the slap that landed moments later, yet as he sat there utterly stunned he watched the tension drain out of both Malfoys and felt the magic release him.

"What was that for?" Voldemort asked softly, raising a hand to gingerly touch the red mark blooming on his cheek. Nagini added her own nip of admonishment before going back to her hissy laughter as she curled up even further half onto his lap.

"For hurting Severus so often and not informing us of Dumbledore's actions against you or of the damage those muggles did to you. Did you believe we would think any less of you? We are your friends not simply minions ready to mindlessly do your bidding," Narcissa reminded him with a sigh before returning his wand and gently healing the hand print she had given him, easing away both pain and damage.

"~You should not have harmed the hatchling so.~" Nagini hissed in admonishment before shifting to amusement. "~Now you must choose the perfect gifts for your mates and you have done more damage to them than a rival hunter. What shall you give the wounded hatchling and the nasty liquid maker? How will you woo them?~"

"~Suggestions would be nice.~" Voldemort hissed back softly almost pleadingly.

"~Have you decided when to tell the other ones that I sometimes get to eat?~" Nagini asked innocently. "~After all you have told them that one of your mates is to be hunted and the other sneaks in close to hunt for you by pretending not to hunt. I have seen how the other ones act. I do not think your mates will like meeting the other ones if you do not warn them they are your mates.~" 

"~Uh, not yet? I have not seen them to tell them.~" Voldemort hissed back warily. Nagini looked at him, singularly unimpressed.

"~Then you must call them and tell them they are your mates and no longer food for hunting.~" Nagini rebuked, before beginning her instructions. "~Don't forget to give enough prettys to your mates in case some of them forget that they are your mates. Wooing mates is very important. You must make certain that the mate is big enough and strong enough to be a worthy mate. Humans do not judge by size but I have seen enough of their glowy spark and your glowy spark to know they will make you strong worthy mates, _if_ you can keep them. Prove to them that you are strong enough to keep them and that your hatchlings will be strong.~"

"Great, I'm desperate enough to take advice from a magical snake on how to woo two humans." Voldemort muttered softly to himself as he listened intently to Nagini's instructions, nodding every now and then.

"~You must show them that you can provide food when they are nesting and carrying the hatchlings. Not all mates can catch needed food during that time. Nor can they always strike fast enough against a threat so you must prove that you can protect them if needed. Our distant cousins the dragons stay with the eggs until hatching and even after hatching to teach the hatchlings. This is how I knew to teach you when you were a hatchling speaker.~" Nagini informed him proudly before continuing her instruction. 

"~You must accept any hatchling born as your own and kill any hunters who try to take your mates for their own. If you have not proven yourself a worthy mate they will leave and choose another mate. If this happens you may prove more worthy later but you must not kill the other chosen mate until you have them back as your mates or you will never have them back.~" Voldemort didn't like the turn of the lecture but continued to listen closely as his familiar instructed him on what to do. "~If they have not left but still accepted another mate you must speak with them and discover if you have been an unworthy mate or if they needed something you do not provide. This is not always a bad thing but it is very irritating if you find you must share your mate since you must tolerate a rival in your territory and they may steal it and your mate from you. By choosing two mates you have made it both easier and more difficult.~"

"My lord? May I ask what you are discussing so seriously?" Lucius asked a hint of curiosity mixed with amusement at the serious parseltongue discussion.

"Nagini is trying to help me figure out how to court Severus and Harry," Voldemort told him, not bothering to look at his friend and right hand. The amusement quickly faded from the Malfoys faces as they exchanged exasperated looks.

"If you eat all of your supper and stop trying to bury yourself in the library I will be happy to help you," Narcissa scolded gently. "Nagini I would appreciate if you would help as long as you remember I am more versed in human courtship then the two of you probably are."

"~Tell her that she may help pick the prettys as long as there are many and much food sent to your mates. I want hatchlings!~" Nagini hissed, earning a blush from her human before she slithered off to go hunt in the garden, her instructions done for the moment.

"She said that you can help pick out the presents as long as we also send lots of food to my _mates_ and that she wants hatchlings. I believe that in this context it more correctly translates into grandchildren," Voldemort told her, his blush deepening as he pointedly turned to his food and began eating as Narcissa quietly laughed and Lucius snorted in amusement before they turned to their own food. 

Just as they finished the meal Draco's eagle owl arrived, a little worse for wear, with a letter each for Voldemort and Lucius. The two men quickly read the letters as Narcissa checked over the owl, finding spell residue indicating that someone had tried to intercept the messages. She was quite thankful that Lucius had insisted on heavily protecting the owls they used for post. 

"Perhaps I will be following Nagini's advice sooner than I had planned," Voldemort muttered quietly as the letter from Severus incited his anger even further against a particular pink clad ministry employee.

"My lord I had no idea that she would do something like this. Nor was I aware of the possibility that she might use a blood quill," Lucius said quietly. "I realize that was one of the details you relayed to us but I must admit that I didn't fully believe it until my son confirmed seeing the damage on several other students, including Potter."

"Then use it to get her removed before I simply walk up to the school and kill her. I will not have my fiances put at risk for all that both of them are fairly capable of handling themselves," Voldemort ordered softly in full Dark Lord mode, anger clear across his features. "This also confirms that one of the first gifts must be something they can wear everywhere and will provide them with heavy protections. A standard protective piece that can be purchased will have to do until I can enchant one specifically for them with even more protections. I had originally hoped they would be safe enough until I could make them one and figured out what else to send them..."

"My lord, should you feel the need to move them somewhere... safer, I offer the Manor or another of my properties. I may not particularly like Harry Potter but Severus is my friend and you are my lord," Lucius offered softly after exchanging a short discussion with Narcissa contained in a single glance. Draco's letter changing hands so that the Dark Lord could read it for himself. After also reading the Malfoy heir's missive Voldemort forced himself to calm down and think things through. 

While it was appealing to pull them both out of Hogwarts he still remembered Severus' argument not to simply take them with him the first time. It was too much of a risk that Harry would be taken from them since Dumbledore knew who he was and Severus could easily be accused of being a Death Eater and re-tried. Unlike in America it was still possible in the British Wizarding community to be tried more than once for the same crime, even without new evidence, though it was far more common to simply bribe everyone and be done with it. He nodded his thanks to his friend but didn't say anything, in the hopes he wouldn't say anything he would later regret.

Taking quill in hand he sent a reply, asking if he needed to come and get them or kill the pink creature. He also asked if he needed to procure anything for either of them and wished both his fiances well before sealing it and setting it aside. His next letter was addressed to, of all people, Minerva McGonagall. 

Voldemort succinctly summarized both pieces of mail and asked the woman to investigate, offering refuge should she need it on the condition that both of his fiances accompanied her to his side should the school some how become unsafe. Deciding to end it with a courteous general inquiry after her health, the health of his fiances, the status of her students, and the health of Professor Flitwick he sealed it. Giving both letters to a house elf to be sent off to Hogwarts along with Lucius' own missive to Draco.

"Now that that is settled," Narcissa said calmly. "We will search through my jewelry to find something suitable to send them as a basic protective piece until you can find and enchant one specifically for each of them as courting gifts. There are a few pieces that I would rather not part with but we can deal with that if the issue arises. In any case we can always raid Lucius' personal collection."

"Narcissa," Lucius said in a pained tone of voice. 

The Malfoy Lord did _not_ want to give up any of his own jewelry for all that it usually remained mostly hidden under his clothes when he wore it. Narcissa looked unimpressed and her admonishing flat stare brooked no argument, causing Lucius to sink into a barely dignified sulk as he followed them both from the room. The group headed toward the suite of rooms used by the Malfoy Lord and Lady and Narcissa made Lucius help go through the jewelry, modeling some pieces and offering commentary on others. Not once did Narcissa allow her husband to sit down or leave the room. 

At one point Lucius even had to suffer Nagini's arrival and commentary for all that the serpent familiar tended to razz the Dark Lord as well. More than half of Narcissa's collection was discarded as being either inappropriate for the situation or to "feminine" and thus would not be worn by either of the receivers. They eventually decided to raid Lucius' collection before making a final decision, both easily ignored Lucius' indignant protests. 

Between the two of them they settled on an arm band for Severus and a pendant for Harry. Voldemort insisted on carving a set of protective bind runes into each of them before wrapping them to be sent out immediately. A note was attached to each package informing the recipients that this was only the first of many gifts and for both of his fiances to wear them at all times until he could provide ones specifically commissioned for each of them. Voldemort went to bed near midnight tired but satisfied for the moment. Narcissa had promised to help him further in the morning.

~

That night Harry woke his small dorm with a nightmare, nearly screaming himself horse. From the way that the twins sprung into action Severus' first thought was that their experience with Ron or Ginny having nightmares was telling them what to do. He quickly discovered that it was actually _Harry's_ nightmares that had taught them what to do.

"Wha?" Fred asked as the twins jerked knocking into each other hard enough that they fell off opposite sides of the bed, adding their own noise to the screams that Harry was producing.

"Damn it! At least he didn't put up a silencing charm like Ron says he usually does," George said as they saw what or rather who was making all the racket and scrambled over to help.

"He was already asleee*yawn*eep," Luna pointed out as she sat up in her own four poster bed, opening the hangings.

"no, No, NO! PLEASE!" Harry whimpered, keening before shifting into a pained shout as he thrashed, completely tangled in his bed covers. 

Snape swore lowly even as he cast a de-tangling spell at the mess of sheets and blankets that had Harry trapped. He frowned as Harry's accidental magic responded to the nightmare by not only refusing to relinquish control of the blankets but tightening them further around the sable haired youth. After a moment of consideration Snape stalked over and started to manually untangle his fiance with a little help from the redheaded menaces as Luna crooned a soothing melody. The moment that Harry's arms were free his eyes shot open, still trapped in the nightmare his unseeing eyes tried to latch onto Severus even as the sound of a low keening whimper was heard coming from him once more.

"You need to hold him Professor. If you don't then the next time he will think that you don't care and will be trying to hurt him," Luna instructed softly as she pulled two very worried Weasleys back away from Harry's bed. 

With an uncertain look sent towards the ditsy blond he hesitantly slid onto the bed and brought Harry into his arms, cuddling him close and trying to sooth away the nightmare. The green-eyed brat almost immediately calmed and snuggled against his side, falling back into a more restful sleep and trapping the man on the bed with him. Snape gave a half hearted glare when he saw that Luna sent Fred and George back to their respective beds, barely slipping out of the bed by the time Harry started to stir as he quietly got ready for the day.

Every single one of Severus' serpents knew not to leave Harry alone for the next couple of days. He would not risk his fiance, nor trust those not of Slytherin house to look out for the younger wizard, even if that person happened to be a staff member. Luna had met his eyes with a clear gaze as the four former Gryffindors came into the common room at the tail end of his impromptu Slytherin house war counsel and nodded her approval. That approval had allowed the potions master to breath easier, knowing that he had made the right decision. He was thankful that Harry had still been half asleep when he came in since the green-eyed menace was fairly well known for hating many of the measures in place to protect him.

Snape had also gotten a good look at Harry's wardrobe that morning and had swallowed his pride before deciding to approach Umbridge during breakfast. Bile rose in the man's throat as he remembered his fiance's explanation in the Room of Requirement as to why his wardrobe had never been properly replaced or updated. Then he had an evil idea that made him hope someone had reported the existence of the imp's little club. The revealed existence of the club combined with the lecture he had given to the pink creature the evening before would work wonders to help him pry a concession out of the woman.

He was distracted from his plotting as an owl he recognized as belonging to the Malfoy family. Opening the parcel first over the letter he was stunned to discover a fairly plain if obviously expensive silver arm band with several bind runes inscribed on the inside surface. The little note that had been wrapped with it nearly fluttered to the floor before he could catch and read it. His eyes widened as he realized that this was the Dark Lord's first courting gift for all that he realized the man had probably gotten Narcissa to help. He also realized she might have offered something her own collection for this first gift until a custom made protective piece could be acquired for both Severus and Harry.

A chill of dread spread down the potions master's spine, he had not managed even a single gift for either of his fiances. As it stood now he might as well be considered the courted female of the three of them, even if Harry hadn't gotten around to giving him an official gift yet. He _really_ didn't want to be seen as a girl in this relationship, nor did he want to fail in his own return gifts. Admittedly there was usually a much longer period of time between the statement of intent and the various gifts from both parties but he also knew that neither of his fiances tended to do things normally. 

From what Severus could tell they were working on an accelerated courtship, causing him to mentally groan. He would have to find a way to go to Hogsmeade and find gifts for both of his fiances. His thoughts came to a slamming halt before shifting into over drive. Harry needed a new wardrobe and if presented correctly the acquiring of one could be considered a punishment. Severus needed to go to Hogsmeade and order or otherwise acquire presents for both of his fiances. The Slytherin females had been eying Harry with the clear intention of treating him like a dress up doll while getting him properly attired. He could work with this.

"Sorry?" Severus asked, his attention snapping back to his surroundings as he realized that someone was talking to him, absently pocketing the letter that came separately with the package.

"What was in the package? It seemed to distract you," Minerva asked quietly, trying not to draw more attention to the wizard she saw as a son.

"My first courting gift from..." Severus trailed off, unsure what to call his fiance in such mixed company. 

McGonagall nodded in understanding and held out her hand imperiously, demanding to see the gift. Snape flushed as he handed over both gift and note for the witch to examine. She looked over the simple silver arm band, noting both the bind runes and the obvious quality as she checked its worthiness for her son. Making a decision she cast a quiet tailoring spell that separated the cloth of Snape's clothes at the shoulder, dissipating when it hit flesh and sending the layered sleeve into her lap. Before the Potions Master could do more than squawk in surprise she had slid the arm band up along his arm and fixed it into place before smugly repairing his clothes with another spell.

"What was _that_ for?" Severus asked with a half hearted glare.

"Don't be such a grump. You're wearing it, it will protect you and you can even blame it on me," Minerva pointed out prudently.

"You're acting like you're my mother!" Severus protested, not really minding but needing to provide some sort of resistance if only for form's sake.

"And if I had the option I would adopt you," McGonagall informed him smugly, leaving him speechless for a moment as she turned back to her meal.

"Hem, hem, hem, Severus? I need to have a word with you about some of your newest Slytherins. It has come to my attention that they have broken several educational decrees," Umbridge informed him almost warily, still reeling over the lecture that she had been handed the night before.

"Yes, I was going to speak to you about that before I lost my temper yesterday," Snape said almost reluctantly. "I was not lying about how fragile children can be or the fact that they are very like kittens. This includes general testing of boundaries, which is more prominent during the time period we must watch over them. The punishments you have provided thus far are inappropriate and more likely to drive them to trying something stupid not to mention denying them an outlet for their energy making them even more problematic to control. We specifically use the punishments we do to avoid some of those reactions. This includes letting the little monsters sometimes get away with something relatively harmless as well as finding ways of burning off their apparently unending energy. To that end I would like to continue the club that they were all participating in, this time with your permission and my supervision, if only to avoid them doing something stupid or otherwise getting out of hand. The repeated casting of spells will help burn off the energy that has been so troubling you. The fact that you removed the practical portion from your class is actually harming your attempts to keep them under a modicum of control and from bouncing off the walls with unused energy."

"That still does not address the breach of rules," Umbridge said severely, having barely held onto her temper at being lectured _again_ for all that it was obvious by her angry flush. More than one staff member quietly tried not to laugh or smile maliciously at seeing the woman on the wrong side of Severus' tongue for all that he had provided a rather mild scolding with his lecture.

"I discovered that Potter is inappropriately attired and outfitted this morning," Snape didn't bother to address her comment yet as he finally got around to his point. "As such he will need to be taken to get an entire wardrobe minus the standard uniform. This can easily be turned into a punishment if a select group of female students are given free reign to _help_ with his shopping, which will also serve to ensure that he is properly attired. It is a rare wizard who would be willing to subject himself to a full make over for anything less than something of dire importance. Why not reward my loyal Slytherins and allow the wizards a day of freedom while the witches indulge in a shopping trip to outfit Potter? I am certain that Professor McGonagall or Professor Sprout would be quite happy to accompany them."

"Oh no you don't laddie me buck!" McGonagall shot back sternly, amusement and mischief dancing in her eyes in a way that didn't bode well for the suddenly uneasy Potions Master. "You'll not get away that easily, Severus Tobias Snape! Mr. Potter is not the only one in need of a new wardrobe."

"No, I absolutely refuse!" Snape retorted, internally starting to panic as he cursed himself seven different kinds of fool for thinking the old tabby wouldn't drag him into the shopping trip in an attempt to get him into something other than black. When he saw the pitying looks sent his way by Flitwick and the predatory looks of the other women on staff he knew that he never should have brought it up. Instead he should have kidnapped his brat for the day and gotten the wardrobe himself rather than risking the idea being turned back on him.

"Oh, I think that's an excellent idea," Umbridge tried purr in satisfaction only to wind up making a half strangled sound instead to match up with her smug look. Her next words had Flitwick looking just as miserable as Severus even as he nodded agreement. "I'm certain that Filius will not mind accompanying you to ensure all of the correct charms are on your purchases and to help keep the students from wandering off. Please be sure that they all obtain a lovely pink robe for themselves Minerva."

McGonagall hid her grimace but nodded in agreement, thinking of all the blackmail it would give her and completely aware that Umbridge would make them wear it publicly at least once. The black looks that both men gave her had her smirking back at them and wondering if she should shift into her animagus form simply to give them an innocent kitty look and earn a little extra leeway with the pink clad monstrosity. She eventually decided against it since the woman might try to cry foul and suddenly discover that her paperwork was out of order or some such. Just as breakfast was coming to a close Umbridge rose to make an announcement.

"Attention! Attention! Classes will be canceled for the day. You will all spend the day in the great hall doing home work or projects that I and the other teachers will arrange," Umbridge announced congenially. "Those students who were a part of the... DA? Will report to me for assignment of which group of students you will be serving for the day. You may not use magic to help you during this detention and each of you must provide me with your hand written copy of 500 lines saying _I will obey school rules and not play at rebellion_ by the end of the day. If a teacher selects you to assist or accompany them I will accept the lines by the end of tomorrow. You have one hour to retrieve anything you may need before reporting back here. Dismissed."

"That was... generous of you," Pomona offered, doing her best to hide her mistrust and relief as Umbridge sat back down to finish what remained of her morning tea, the students trying to quickly finish their food. Neither woman saw Severus motion for his Slytherins to wait, causing the green clad table to slow their frantic consumption of the remains of the meals.

"Of course, I have to give Professor Snape time to brew the potion that will turn them each into a kitten for the day after they are done supervising Potter's detention," Umbridge said generously. From the half surprised, half sour look on Snape's face the rest of the staff were under no illusion that he had any prior knowledge of needing to brew the potion.

"I will need the assistance of the 6th and 7th years if you want it done quickly, presuming you want to dose the entire school at once. Not to mention it will take time to acquire some of the ingredients and to brew the potion. Those incapable of brewing will be set to cleaning cauldrons, preparing ingredients, and organizing things," Snape reminded her sourly. "It might also be a good idea to only have certain groups of students in kitten form at once to avoid any of them getting into mischief."

"Certainly, whatever you think is best. Potions are not my forte," Umbridge said magnanimously, very pleased with herself for thinking of turning everyone into a cat for the day. A silent glance between the staff had them all deciding to keep an especially close eye on the students when they would be in such vulnerable and mischievous forms. None of them were willing to risk the woman deciding to hurt the transformed students in her... enthusiasm.

"Either way Potter needs to stay near me and I will have to monitor anything he consumes until I am certain that the potion he was dosed with is fully out of his system. It wont interfere with this particular punishment and may actually enhance its effects," Severus said grumpily bringing the topic back around so that he was absolutely certain they had permission to leave the grounds to get Harry outfitted. This would also allow him to slip away at some point and find a courting gift for each of his fiances.

"Very well, the Weasley twins will be joining your detention. They have caused enough mayhem to deserve it and were labeled as accomplices," Umbridge added after a moment's thought. "It will also make it easier for you to keep them from killing Potter with one of their blasted pranks."

"As you say," Snape said neutrally, mentally trying to decide if he should have them simply outfitted or subtly give them more prank ideas to use against Umbridge. He, Flitwick, and McGonagall quickly collected Harry, the Weasley twins, Luna, Draco, Pansy, along with several other Slytherin girls, most of them purebloods and either current or former Slytherins. By the time the rest of the school was settled into the great hall for the day the group was on its way to Hogsmeade.


	9. Shopping Trip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long, I suck at romantic stuff. Cheers!  
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Harry was a little surprised to get any mail that morning. Being unused to getting mail at all except the fairly random letters from Sirius and Remus or the life saving ones from his friends during the summer he was understandably curious. Completely oblivious to the interplay unfolding at the staff table between potions master and cat animagus he squawked when Fred and George snatched away his package and started checking it for curses, hexes, and the like. The glare he gave them rivaled his fiance's but didn't get them to budge on checking the package before giving it back to him.

"Gee thanks guys, now I can actually open my own mail," Harry said sarcastically as he carefully took it back. 

Ignoring their sheepish grins of embarrassment he just as carefully opened the package. Harry wound up staring at the beautiful silver teardrop shaped vine pendant that he would later discover matched the more plain armband that Severus had received. He carefully untangled the note from the matching silver chain and read it, completely floored by the note he stared at the pendant some more. This was his first courting gift from Voldemort? He apologized for not getting Harry something better? The pendant would help protect him? He _wanted_ to protect Harry?! His confused state was broken by Luna smiling indulgently at him before taking the pendant and slipping it over his head into place.

"I don't understand," Harry said in a small almost lost tone of voice.

"You will. Just let your Dark Knight and Dark Lord in, let them protect and care for you the way you have cared for us," Luna said softly, her eyes bright with clarity and a soft motherly smile gracing her suddenly angelic features. 

Harry swallowed hard but nodded his acceptance. He would try harder to let these two former enemies in, to let them help. He knew that his strength had already been proven time and again but letting someone close? Allowing them to see his vulnerable belly and throat? Even if it was more the emotional version than the physical? Harry shivered slightly in a combination of terror and desire for that basic comfort of simply being held without worry or fear. His pondering easily kept him distracted through the announcements and from noticing the approach of his fiance and two Professors until they were practically standing right behind him.

"Lovegood, Weasley, Weasley, Parkinson, Potter, Malfoy, Bulstrode, Greengrass, gather your things. We are taking a trip to Hogsmeade where Potter and his two Weasleys with obtain new wardrobes. The rest of you are coming along to _assist_ in this endeavor," Snape informed them, conveniently forgetting to mention the need for purchasing a _pink_ outfit as part of the price for getting out of school to attend to the shopping trip. He ignored the sudden excitement by the fashion conscious members of the group and the horror displayed on the face of both twins, instead focusing with some concern on Harry's look of confusion.

"But my clothes are fine," Harry said, confusion easily displayed on his face. The surprise of his fellow Slytherins easily silenced the over enthusiastic members of the group.

"You really don't know?" Draco asked, completely dumbfounded. Harry shook his head no, still confused.

"Oh Harrykins this must be fixed!" Fred declared dramatically.

"We will happily prance around the school in pink tutus for a week to fix this," George agreed solemnly.

"Good, because a pink outfit for the three of you is the price for getting you out of the school to do this," Snape said sourly, completely ignoring Minerva's smirk and failing to tell them that he would be sharing in the experience.

"Ah, but why don't you tell them the _rest_ of it?" Minerva asked with a smirk, earning a squeak of surprised amusement from Flitwick.

"I... will be joining you in obtaining new items for my wardrobe," Snape admitted as he blushed like mad. He was secretly greatful that he could probably blackmail the nosy tabby into watching the group while he snuck off to purchase his courting gifts, even if he dreaded the humiliation of actually wearing the _pink_ outfit. "Professor Flitwick has agreed to help with this task, especially as Professor Umbridge has decided that this would serve well as detention for Potter, Weasley, and Weasley. Apparently she did not forget about the detentions the three of you owe her."

"Um, alright," Harry said reluctantly, completely baffled by all the fuss they were making for all that he was glad not to be facing that damn blood quill again. "Can we go to Gringotts? I need to get money to pay for it."

Harry's question had the twins suddenly worried since the only way they could pay for a new wardrobe was if they dipped into the business funds that Harry had donated at the end of last year. Luckily, or perhaps not so luckily the more well to do Slytherins of the chosen group suddenly took on sly expressions to match Draco's instant smug one. Seeing the looks the twins _knew_ that they would be paying their housemates for the new wardrobe for some time but at least they had found a way to pay for it.

"Alright, what's your price?" Fred asked resignedly as his brother nodded his head in agreement of the question and misery.

"You get to be our slaves for a week," Draco declared after a moment of feigned thought only to get smacked by Pansy.

"Drakiepoo! A week isn't long enough to target everyone who needs to feel our wrath!" Pansy protested, earning suddenly intrigued looks from the twins and an eye roll from Harry.

"Why are you asking them? I'm paying for the two of you just as soon as we stop at Gringotts," Harry told the red-heads.

"Hardly, I'm _not_ letting you pick out something atrocious and those rags are getting _burned_ , to that end I'm paying for it even if I have to pay for the twin terrors as well. Of course I will also pay for Uncle Sev," Draco declared haughtily, setting off a clamor from the rest of the group wanting a say in the new wardrobes.

"Don't I get a say in what I wear?" Harry asked plaintively, earning a quiet yet resigned snort from his fiance. Ron and Ginny watched with jealous eyes as the group moved toward the main exit of the castle, obviously not subject to the mandatory detention of the DA members or the confinement of the rest of the student body.

Harry's protest was completely ignored by rest of the group as they made their way down to Hogsmeade, discussing how their victims would be dressed. The group eventually decided to split the cost between them if only to get their classmates into something less worn. Minerva silently decided with a smirk that she would be paying for Severus' wardrobe update if only to see him in something other than black every once and a while, knowing it would be an uphill battle. No one actually expected the _pink robes_ to last more than a week without experiencing some sort of regrettable accident that made them unrecoverable. 

The group surprised the staff of Gladrags Wizardwear when they poured into the shop dragging their reluctant victims with them. The fact that they had three professors with them is the only reason that the shop workers didn't owl up to the school for them to collect their lost little lambs. Professor Snape had actually been the one to establish that tradition for his snakes and it had evolved so that he would be owled if any student was out without either their parents, a teacher, or it being a Hogsmeade weekend. That little fact didn't stop the shop attendants from quietly smirking as they helped the Deputy Headmistress keep him in the shop for his turn under their sewing needles.

"Lets see, who is going to go first?" Daphne Greengrass practically squealed gleefully, the devious glint in her eye causing the four official victims to either back away from her or watched her warily. In the case of Professor Snape, however, he sent a narrow-eyed look of warning at his student but was unable to dodge the Transfiguration Professor's surprise attack.

"What are you doing?!" Snape squawked as a smirking McGonagall sudden manhandled him up onto the fitting stand and used a sticking charm on his feet to keep him there.

"You will go first, Severus," McGonagall said sweetly. "And you wont be complaining about the robes I'm a buying for you laddie."

"Minerva! You can't be serious!" Severus protested, discretely trying to unstick his feet so that he could make a run for it. The tabby animagus was wise to his attempt at escape and snatched away his wand before he could get more than his left heel free of the charm.

"Oh no you don't! Dunna try that with me! I've had enough of ya only wearing _black_. You'll be picking out and _wearing_ at least one other color from now on and it canna be dark grey or dark brown either," McGonagall informed him pointedly, the light of battle in her eyes even as her accent bled through into her speech patterns. Snape glowered at the witch before his gaze fell on a snickering Flitwick intensifying it into an outright murderous glare.

"Think of it this way, Severus, once you're done you can escape to the apothecary while the two of us wait on the students," Filius pointed out cheerfully as the shop staff smirked behind hands or they studiously went about their work.

"Fine, but if I hear of this again I will use every last one of you as potions ingredients!" Snape threatened with a glower that could send the dead scrambling off in terror. Minerva McGonagall simply smiled wider, nodding pleasantly as the battle light in her eyes gleamed brighter and causing Snape slumped over in defeat. "There is nothing I can do to escape this is there?"

"Not a chance," Minerva agreed in obvious amusement.

"I need more than a few potions ingredients so if we can just complete this quickly?" Severus asked pleadingly, as the closest shop assistant started showing the women in the group along with Draco the latest styles and colors they thought might fit the stubborn man. 

He obeyed the letter of the woman's declaration and not asked for Dark Grey or Dark Brown. Instead he had gotten three robes each of Dark Indigo, Dark Forest Green, and a Dark Sapphire shaded so that they were easily mistaken for the Black which had also been forbidden to him. They could not budge him, however, on the material getting his normal heavy cotton and wool mix for his four new robes, including the mandatory pink one, which had been chosen with a nice shade of magenta. It took him three hours to escape their clutches and he didn't dare respond to his fiance's pleading look of panic, horror, and desolation at being left behind as he quickly made his way out of the shop. 

A silent promise to make up the abandonment with a small gift passed through Snape's mind as he started his search for the perfect courting gifts for his fiances. He finally settled on a silver pendant made with crushed Emerald and Jade depicting a miniature mosaic of a serpent and enchanted with powerful protective magics for Voldemort. A personal snitch was picked up for Harry as an apology for the torture of the shopping trip, no matter how badly it was needed, to go with the new set of Quidditch gear that was his courting gift. Almost as an afterthought he picked out a book on pranks and prank potions, quickly scribbling a note of warning not to use them in his class before wrapping it up inside Harry's new Quidditch uniform as a secret part of his courting gift. He wasn't at all surprised that Harry practically pounced on him when he returned to the clothing shop two hours later.

"Please, please, please rescue me!" Harry begged, clutching the front of Severus' robes in a death grip before Daphne and Pansy dragged him off of their head of house and bodily placed him back on the fitting stand. Shock held the darkly clad man still for a moment before he forced himself to move.

"Enough! You have his measurements and you know what he looks like, let him down from there," Severus ordered harshly. The shock of his voice ringing out in support of Harry's protests startled everyone back to reality long enough for Harry to scamper down from the fitting platform to hide behind his fiance. "Harry? was there anything else you needed or are the clothes they've picked out enough?"

"I'll go without just get me away from these crazy people!" Harry declared with a full body shiver. The glare that Snape leveled at everyone else had them taking a step back from him in fear.

"Do you want me to keep everyone away from you while you get the last few items? What do you need?" Severus asked softly. Harry considered his offer for a moment before nodding wary agreement as a bright red blush stained his features. "Ah, I suppose your underclothes are in just as bad shape and need replacing? Very well, they are over here and no one will bother us."

Harry quickly picked out two packages of plain boxer briefs, eying his schoolmates warily as they watched him, ready to pounce if not for his dungeon bat shield standing between them and glowering. The paleness of the Weasley twins who were huddling over in a corner told the spy that they were likely as terrified of the way everyone was acting as Harry appeared to be.

"What clothing has been decided upon for Harry and have you finished with Misters Weasley as well?" Snape asked the group conversationally.

"We managed to settle on one outfit for Potter, Uncle Sev and the menaces have only been measured," Draco said in a complaining tone of voice that had Harry clutching the nearest portion of his robe in terror.

"Draco, Harry is not a pet or some such that can be made to stand still as you force him into various clothes," Snape scolded causing the blond to turn bright red in embarrassment. "He is my fiance and I will not stand for you terrorizing him. You have his measurements and his coloring is not that unusual. I dare say that if you asked Misters Weasley they would be willing to tell you what colors he looks good in. Pick out three more outfits and work on the twin menaces. Harry will be coming with me. You have until I come back to complete the selections for both of them. If by some miracle you finish before I return you can find us at either the Three Broomsticks, Honeydukes, or the Apothecary."

With that he swept out of the shop, Harry directly on his heels, both of them quite happy to get away from the madness of clothes shopping. Deciding that it was close enough to lunch time Severus led his fiance into the Three Broomsticks and got them a semi-secluded table near the back, away from prying eyes. Very little was said as they ordered lunch and relaxed in the unassuming atmosphere of the pub until their food was served.

"How are you doing in your studies?" Severus asked after a few minutes of comfortable quiet as they each ate the first bit of their respective meals.

"Alright I guess," Harry said with a shrug. "Umbridge isn't teaching much and we haven't had a DA meeting since you and... the Dark Lord sat in on the last one. I'm having a bit of trouble in Astronomy and of course Potions but everything else is fine..."

"Even _Divination_?" Snape asked with his classic smirk before taking a sip of his drink.

"Honestly? Divination is a joke. I wish I hadn't listened to Ron and taken something like Runes instead," Harry admitted sheepishly before hurriedly taking another bite. Neither man noticed the peculiarly patterned beetle that had positioned its self on the wall above their table.

"Has anyone bothered you overmuch? I realize that I, your twins, and the rest of Slytherin house have been acting a bit protective..." Severus asked cautiously, not really sure how to bring up the situation.

"Considering how I broke down, I'm actually rather glad that you all have been acting over protective, even if it is kinda weird. Maybe that was what Luna meant when she said to let the two of you protect me," Harry told the older man. A heart wrenching smile lit up his face that had the potions master resisting the urge to pull Harry into a hug and never wanting to let him go. The fact that it never reached his eyes sent a shiver of worry and unease down Severus' spine.

"Has the younger Weasley children given you any trouble since the meeting? And do you plan to continue teaching the other students?" Severus asked after a moment's silence, recovering from both the smile and the realization that something was very wrong with his young fiance. He would have to tread very carefully and discover what was bothering the green-eyed youth.

"Not really. Just Umbridge like you saw," Harry said glumly, still sad and hurt over Ron's defection. He didn't really know Ginny as well. "I hope Luna's right and that Hermione might start to understand."

"Only time will tell," Severus said after a moment's pause, he hated the way that Harry was obviously hurting for all that he would have been happy to see Harry taken down a peg or two less than a month ago. "I will attempt to ensure you are kept away from that _woman_ especially with this new insanity of turning everyone into a kitten for a time. I will also personally burn those pink monstrosities that she is going to force us to wear"

"At least she likes cats. I don't think she'd make cats write in their own blood," Harry pointed out, earning an excited quiver of antenna from the unseen beetle.

"Yes, the blood quills... I sincerely hope she only used it in your detentions and not every detention either. The damage she did to you is bad enough. To that end, you need to stop telling everyone he's back. It puts us all at risk from that vile woman," The dour man pointed out, pointing his fork warningly at his fiance.

"Have I said anything since we talked? No? I know when to keep my gob shut," Harry snapped back, glaring angrily at the man sitting across from him. Relief coursed through Severus as he saw Harry's normal fire return to his eyes and broke the sadness that discussing his former friends had caused.

"Harry, it allows him to protect us and keeps others from stripping away what protections we already have. It will get easier when he announces to the others that the three of us have a marriage contract we were unaware of and are now courting. We didn't go to the Prophet yet with the announcement because of the need to inform people and that vile woman. I don't know if you realize that releasing the information early could get someone killed. It could also very well give Fudge the excuse to place you in St. Mungoes or Azkaban for all that you've done nothing wrong," Severus explained, absently noting the oddly patterned beetle that had made its way onto the table.

"I know. I hate the publicity and really wish everyone would forget about me. I just want to be Harry, a normal wizard. Glory? Fame? Fortune? They want it they can have it. I just want someone who sees me," Harry admitted, playing a bit with the food on his plate as he completely forgot who he was talking too. The beetle had stilled in shock as she continued to listen to their conversation hoping for an even better scoop than what she'd already discovered.

"There's also the fact that when we go public someone else will have to grade your potions work and I honestly don't want them to try to keep us apart. To many people have tried to kill you, nor do I like how obviously underweight you are," Severus said with a frown. "I also haven't had a chance to brew a stronger scar remover. The standard ones wont work well on the scars you have and I'm fairly certain that nothing will work on the one on your forehead so that method of removing your fame is out."

"Thanks for trying... Hey, the Tri-wizard tournament declared me an adult?" Harry double checked with a frown.

"Yes," Snape said, pausing to watch the younger wizard in confusion.

"Then why did they put me on trial for _underage_ magic in that courtroom... number 10, I think it was? I was defending myself and I'm the only wizard in the area. If I'm an adult then why would I get in trouble for keeping myself alive? My cousin already knew about magic any way, so why would I get in trouble? Come to that why were Dementors in Surrey any way?" Harry asked, taking a rough bite of his food as furiously thought over the situation he'd just outlined.

"I don't know. I can only presume that someone sent them there specifically to kill you and I know it wasn't the Dark Lord. He was furious when he found out, which was well before the three of us discovered the marriage contracts. He said something about you being a special case with him but no one else should be trying to kill a wizarding child. It took him a while to calm down and earned many colorful threats for whoever did it when he catches them," Severus admitted with a smirk. Harry's gleeful laughter chimed through the pub lighting it up and drawing momentary attention to the duo.

"Bloodthirsty imp," Severus said almost fondly, relishing in the bright laughter.

"Oh, I don't know about that but I don't like bullies and I don't like adults hurting kids. Its one of the reasons why I was training everyone when that pink toad said we weren't going to do any magic this year. We learned about what was in the books for this year in first year and the Slinkhard guy we're reading this year is wrong anyway. If I'd followed the book from this year I would have died when we ran into that Troll that Quirrel set loose in first year," Harry said scornfully, laughter still dancing in his eyes over the threats that Voldemort had made. "We called it the DA because it could mean Defense Association but the real name was Dumbledore's Army because its what Umbridge and Fudge are scared of. We just wanted to learn. Me, Ron, and Hermione _needed_ to learn if we wanted to be able to survive until we left Hogwarts. Now... I don't think we managed to learn enough. Unless Vol- the Dark Lord stops attacking the school and going after students most of us will die before taking our NEWTs."

"You're forgetting something," Severus pointed out, Harry looked at him questioningly. "The marriage contract and heirships that we discovered a few days ago. By those very discoveries he _can't_ continue attacking the school. Not without kidnapping the two of us and locking us away somewhere until the situation is properly sorted out. Leaving us at Hogwarts was an attempt to avoid more bloodshed. He never wanted to shed blood but others purposefully blocked him from even trying to accomplish his goals peacefully."

"I didn't know that. Nobody tells me anything. How can I make accurate decisions if I don't have the information to work with?" Harry asked fuming, his magic sparking and causing an eavesdropping beetle to frantically scuttle about the table top dodging the multicolored sparks. Deciding that it was too dangerous to remain and get further news scoops Rita the beetle quickly made its escape.

"I think that's enough for today. Come, we will gather the others assigned to this detention as well as our purchases before returning to the castle. Hopefully no one has aggravated Umbridge enough that she has reverted to her previous treatment of the student body." Severus said with a long suffering sigh.

"I think it might have helped that everyone had to be re-sorted," Harry said conversationally. "It threw her off balance."

"We shall have to wait and see," Severus said as he paid for their meal, waving away Harry's attempt to find his own pocket money and pay for his part. "You are the biggest gauge we have on her since she seems bound and determined to destroy you. Hopefully I won't have to resort to taking her wand before introducing her to the residents of the forbidden forest."

They collected everyone else, much to the relief of the twins and made their way back to the castle.


	10. Disasters of the Pink Kind

Voldemort brooded in front of the fire in his opulent study at Malfoy Manor. He was worried about his fiances and heirs being so close to Dumbledore's seat of power for all that Umbridge had managed to drive the old man out, however temporarily. He had a general meeting to attend in a couple of hours to inform them that Harry Potter and Severus Snape were off limits from now on. Something was going to go wrong, he could feel it and he didn't like that feeling. Moments later an owl dropped off the special evening edition of the Prophet and a sense of dread landed solidly in his gut as Voldemort took the paper, paying for it, the owl hooted happily and left. When he saw the headlines they had him swearing viciously before storming off in search of Lucius, they had a paper to buy and then burn to the ground.

~

The group arrived back from Hogsmeade shortly after lunch was cleared away in the great hall only to be set upon by a widely smiling Umbridge and a smirking Filch in front of the entire school. The evil Miss. Norris was practically cavorting as she followed the squib. The duo stopped in front of the returning group, blocking their path further into the building.

"Madam? To what do we owe this honor?" Snape asked warily, moving to stand just in front of Harry as the twins grimly flanked him with their housemates following suit.

"I'm just wanting to make certain that everyone is dressed appropriately," Umbridge said in a horrifyingly coy voice, giving off that creepy little girl giggle in delight when she caught sight of the pink outfits. Snape had a sudden feeling of dread as he saw where her gaze had fallen. "Perhaps the four of you would be so kind as to dress _properly_ before joining the rest of us?"

"But of course madam," Snape said with a slight bow, swallowing the mouthful of bile that had risen at his disgust of what they were about to do. He quickly ushered the other three victims into the room set just outside the great hall and usually used by the students that had yet to be sorted at the beginning of the year. Draco quickly slipped in behind them with the pink robes before his godfather firmly shut the door.

"I didn't expect to have to wear them _now_ ," Fred said miserably with his twin nodding his rapid agreement.

"I was actually hoping that we could have an accident with them before we had to wear them," Harry admitted as he stared at the pile of robes in dread. "This is going to be a nightmare isn't it?"

"Undoubtedly," Severus agreed, glancing at the pink creations with undying loathing.

"Pshaw, its not that bad Uncle Sev," Draco said cheerily, an evil gleam in his eye as he moved around and handed over the various pink robes in different shades. The twins were handed robes of Strawberry pink as the closest shade that the group had found to match their hair. Harry glumly accepted the neon hot pink one while Severus glared at his own bubblegum pink monstrosity.

"You are so dead," Harry declared flatly as he shucked his over robe to slip the pink fitted robe on.

"I will endeavor to have us brew something that will change the color or otherwise destroy it if she forces us to wear it longer than the day," Severus decided firmly as he painfully replaced his heavy black teaching robe with the fabric match of Tonk's favorite hair color. "That being said I hope that my courting gift will make this up to you."

"What?" Harry asked in shock, spinning around to meet the gaze of his dour fiance. He really hadn't expected any courting gifts, which is one of the reasons why he had been so confused by the pendant that Voldemort had sent him just that morning.

"I had hoped to succeed in getting your Quidditch ban revoked before presenting them but... well. At least you'll get some use out of the book on pranks," Snape said with a grimace and more than a little embarrassment at his sentimentality, refusing to look at a completely stunned Harry. The twins exchanged a look of surprise before taking on thoughtful expressions as they absently donned their own hideously pink robes.

"Wait, you wanted to get him... to let him fly?" Draco said with a squeak of shock, loosing all smugness. He knew how much it had hurt Harry for the skies to be taken away and while he had been happy to get one over on his fellow seeker at the time he had later regretted taking that freedom away from him. To be fair he had only tried to get him a detention or something not his broom and any chance of flying taken away, _that_ had all been Umbridge.

"Thank you," Harry said in a rush as he was suddenly in Severus' arms, with one bubblegum pink arm flapping as the potions master struggled to get his breath back from being tackled. "Thank you, thank you, thank you! Flying is to me like brewing is to you, you have no idea how much this means even if you didn't manage to get it for me!"

"I.. I'm glad you like it," Severus stammered, completely floored by how much even trying had apparently meant to his little fiance.

"What else did you get him Uncle Sev?" Draco asked completely breaking the moment and bringing them back to reality. Harry blushed and quickly released Severus, turning painfully shy and earning the clueless blond a glare from his godfather as they all quickly finished getting dressed.

"That is between Harry, I, and the Dark Lord, Dragon. If Harry wishes to share what he receives with you that is up to him," Snape said stiffly, quickly striding over and opening the door before Draco could protest, drawing attention to the fact that they were done. They quickly re-entered the great hall, all four of them gritting their teeth and sporting painfully polite smiles as Umbridge exclaimed over how _cute_ they were dressed in pink.

"You all look absolutely lovely!" Umbridge exclaimed happily, practically prancing over to them to examine their new attire. She quickly ushered them the rest of the way into the hall to mingle with everyone else as they joined the giant study hall. 

By the time supper was served Snape, Harry, and the twins were miserable between the snide remarks and outright mocking that most of the school participated in all four of them were ready to curse the next person to speak. As a result there was little surprise from the rest of Slytherin house at Snape's dark fury when the special evening prophet arrived and they got a look at the various article titles and headlines:  
_**Boy-Who-Lived Engaged to Mystery Suitors!**_  
_**Umbridge using Illegal Blood Quill on Savior!**_  
_**Dementors Sent After Boy-Who-Lived and Tried as Adult for Using Underage Magic to Survive!**_

Harry just looked at the paper with glum resignation, knowing it was going to set Umbridge off again. He also wondered if Rita had gotten her animagus form registered and if the woman had used a chameleon potion or disillusionment spell to keep him from noticing her rather brightly colored beetle form. Thinking about it he figured that the odious woman probably wore something regularly that had a notice-me-not charm built into it or something. Any such spells or potions would easily prevent anyone from realizing she was there even if they noticed her beetle form. It would certainly explain the acid colored attire and fondness for large feathers that always seemed to crop up in her clothes. Of course it could equally be enchanted into her glasses frames and the rest of it was just her poor taste in fashion or the strangeness of wizarding fashion.

Turning to the note from the reporter that came with his special delivery free copy of the paper he opened it to see what she wanted, wondering if he would need to ask one of his fiances to do something about her as a favor. Harry's air of resignation gave way to shock. Rita was requesting an interview, not only that she promised that he could bring up to four other people with him and that she was willing to swear on her magic that a truthful interview would be printed. Before he could finish reading the note the twins had snatched it from his hands and traded off reading it.

"We're coming with you," Fred said seriously as George nodded solemnly in agreement.

"Potter!" The furious shout came from Umbridge at the head table, face flushed a furious ugly red. 

"She's a beetle animagus, if you can get her into the castle, distract Umbridge, get Snape and yourselves in the room with me and her then fine. Of course you can always enjoy a pensive memory of the meeting and set up a prank obstacle course that Umbridge has to get through instead," Harry offered tantalizingly, earning suspicious yet rapturous looks from both red-heads at the suggestion.

"Done," Draco said for both twins, surprising the three of them as he smirked evilly at the mischief they were about to cause.

"Which agreement?" Harry asked innocently, almost projecting the perfect innocent angle act and impressing most of the table while simultaneously putting Draco and the twins on edge.

"Pensive memory and obstacle course with getting Skeeter into the castle and into a room with you and Uncle Sev," Draco said promptly. "This does not extend to getting caught and once she's in there you're on your own."

"Agreed," Harry said quickly, not believing his luck at getting that much of a deal from his rival.

"Payment for skipping out of the actual interview consists of using your invisibility cloak for a week and anything else that you've used to sneak around the castle at night without getting caught by Filch and Uncle Sev," Draco added smugly.

"The twins keep hold of the special parchment and I'll trust them to decide if you should know what it can do but I concede to the use of it and the invisibility cloak provided neither are damaged or otherwise lost and both are returned promptly at this time next week unless I say otherwise," Harry quickly bargained, back on firmer footing with his long-time rival.

"Done," Draco practically crowed and they shook on it just in time for Harry to be snatched from the table and bodily dragged from the room by the pink clad Headmistress. Snape followed quickly behind them after instructing the Prefects to make sure everyone went straight back to the common room.


	11. Relocation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those complaining about the wait between updates:   
> I have health issues that sometimes interfere and I will not kill myself just so you can get your next story fix. Suggestions are more helpful for getting the next chapter posted than berating me for my lack of updates or whining. I am not god and I can not magically conjure your next chapter, sometimes I actually have to do research first.
> 
> For those who have patiently waited:  
> Here's the nest chapter and I hope you enjoy yourselves! I'll try to get the next one out sooner.  
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Harry could hear Umbridge muttering "human kittens" repeatedly under her breath as he was dragged the entire way to her pink doused office. He wasn't entirely surprised when she tossed up wards and silencing spells the moment the door to her office was closed but it by no means reassured him. What really bothered him was the fact that her wand kept randomly pointing in his direction no matter where or how he moved to avoid it. Neither of them knew that a crack team of Aurors was at that very moment calling for entry at the gates of the school.

Less then a minute into her muttered incomprehensible tirade Harry saw the door to the office shudder slightly as if hit by something heavy. He found it very strange to watch a solid oak door bend and bow as cracks formed all over it in complete silence before shattering into the room in resounding boom of breaking wood and shattered magic. Harry very carefully looked over the desk he had instinctively dove behind for cover he saw something that struck him speechless. There in the shattered doorway was an infuriated Severus Snape ready to defend his honor.

"I could have handled her," Harry pointed out quietly into the sudden stillness.

"You shouldn't need to," Severus pointed out, his wand never wavering from aiming at the shocked ministry worker sitting on her tuff completely stunned by his entry. "Come, you can have that rabid house elf retrieve our things."

"If we go with him now he wont let us out of his sight for anything," Harry pointed out, ignoring the outstretched potion stained hand for the moment.

"I know," Severus admitted wryly. "But its better then you getting tortured on a regular basis. I almost did this when we found out about the marriage contract and the blood quill in any case. Call the elf and let us take our leave."

"Dobby!" Harry called, meeting the exuberant elf's customary loud greeting with a mild grimace before the little creature calmed down. "Dobby, we need you to gather mine and Professor Snape's stuff and bring it to us later. Please don't let anyone destroy or hex them."

"Oh, yes, Mr. Harry Potter Sir! Dobby's will be happy to be doing this!" Dobby said gleefully, perfectly aware of their audience and thus keeping to the mangled English that was the public elven persona.

"Er, one more thing. Can you enter the Chamber of Secrets and do any of you know how to harvest ingredients from a Basilisk?" Harry asked sending an apologetic look towards his suddenly round-eyed fiance.

"Does Mr. Harry Potter Sir wants us to harvest big snakey that Mr. Harry Potter killed?" Dobby asked cautiously, suddenly stilling, his energy barely contained.

"Yes, with anything that can be used in potions given to Professor Snape as my courting gift," Harry admitted sheepishly. "Or you can just bring it all to me when you're done and I'll present them to my fiances properly then."

"Come here brat. Elf, you will most likely find us at the manor of your former master as we are leaving to join our fiance. While I would dearly love to have those Basilisk ingredients they are not the priority. Especially since they are sealed in Salazar's Chamber," Snape said with a gusty sigh of fond exasperation aimed at Harry. Dobby nodded his head rapidly before popping away with a happy squeak, fully confidant that Snape could handle the situation.

"You.. you can't!" Umbridge protested trying to scramble to her feet only to freeze when a jinx from Snape's wand landed less than an inch from her.

"We can and we are," Snape said harshly as he pulled a very happy Harry into his side before _stupify_ ing the woman. They passed the team of Aurors in the corridor as they left with Snape tossing off. "Through the door third down on your right. No need to hurry, she's out cold."

They were gone before anyone realized it.

~

Severus apparated them to the gates of Malfoy Manor, confident that if Voldemort hadn't told anyone else that he and Harry were no longer enemies that the Malfoys would know and grant them safe harbor. Even if only because he knew that the jewelry they had received was more Lucius and Narcissa's style than it was probably Voldemort's. There was also the fact that he was Draco's godfather and thus automatically keyed into the Malfoy family wards.

They entered the Manor just in time to see someone dragging a woman, clearly recognizable as Rita Skeeter, into the make-shift throne room. The duo quickly slipped in behind the small group of half-conscious reporter and Death Eaters. Severus pulled Harry immediately to the side and into the shadows near the door, hoping to keep them undetected until they could talk with either Voldemort or Lucius Malfoy, preferably Voldemort.

"What do you have to say for yourself woman?" Voldemort demanded angrily when Rita was thrown at his feet.

"The public has a right to know!" Rita said bravely, hoping that someone would actually tell her what she had done to get the star treatment since she'd never been kidnapped over an article before.

"Your actions have put people in danger, people that I care for and have been keeping me from simply deciding to reveal the wizarding world to the muggles in such a way as to force them to destroy us," Voldemort said coldly, lying through his teeth. He ignored the low muttering and uneasy movement among his assembled followers. "However, I can be merciful as such you could conceivably walk out of hear with an in depth interview or you could simply not leave here at all. So, Miss. Skeeter how exactly do you plan to play your cards?"

"You're not killing her," Harry said in annoyance, shoving past a quietly exasperated Severus as they quickly moved through the shocked Death Eaters to stand at Voldemort's side.

"Harry? What are you doing here?" Voldemort asked in surprise, his cold mask shattering at seeing both of his fiances appear as if out of nowhere.

"That _woman_ went to far," Severus practically spat.

"Yes, yes, we all hate Umbridge for using a blood quill on students," Harry said rolling his eyes and missing the subtle widening of Voldemort's eyes as they filled with fury, being once more reminded of the person who had tortured his small fiance. The Dark Lord suddenly deeply regretted not reading through all of the headlines associated with their imp.

"Umbridge is the one who tortured you, yes? And she tried to do so again?" Voldemort asked coolly, deciding to ignore the reporter in favor of dealing with his fiances.

"Ah, um... you read the morning paper didn't you?" Harry asked uncertainly, instinctively halting just out of arms reach.

"I'm afraid I didn't get past the headlines. Perhaps you would care to enlighten me as to what I missed?" Voldemort asked with a curious combination of amusement, worry, and cold control.

"He found trouble, again," Severus said sourly as he came up behind Harry and gently pushed him closer to Voldemort.

"Hey, I had no idea that Skeeter was anywhere near us, much less in her animagus form, when you took me on that date at the Three Broomsticks. I had fun even if you did start it by leaving me at the mercy of Draco and the Slytherin girls for over an hour of clothes shopping!" Harry protested, causing Voldemort's eyebrows to rise in surprise as he looked towards the potions master.

"He needed a new wardrobe," Severus said blandly, mischief dancing in his eyes. "He needed it badly enough that I almost tried asking Bellatrix and Narcissa to take him shopping. At least the other students were restricted to the robe shop in Hogsmeade and essentially limited to a few hours to not only dress Harry but the Weasley twins as well."

"Its not like I needed the clothes," Harry said, throwing up his hands in exasperation.

"What was it you said? Ah yes, that the rags you have been wearing were fine," Severus said looking down his nose severely at the smaller wizard. "Harry, you needed a new wardrobe."

The sudden half guilty look that he was sporting immediately had the attention of both of his fiances and more than half the Death Eaters present.

"How many clothes did you actually receive?" Voldemort asked smoothly, his voice taking on the low growl of a hunting predator.

"Um, I might have managed to talk them into only getting me one or two sets of robes and a pack of underwear?" Harry admitted sheepishly.

"Good, we can get you a proper wardrobe to fit your station since you obviously will not be returning to Hogwarts in the near future," Voldemort said with an evil smirk, eliciting a despairing groan from his younger fiance. "Now, what sent you from the halls of Hogwarts?"

"As I said before that _woman_ went too far," Severus snarled, his eyes blazing in righteous fury. "When she saw the headlines practically the first thing she did was bodily haul him from the great hall, dragging him to her office. I was delayed going after them and had to force the door. Thankfully she hadn't done anything to him... yet. I subdued her and directed the team of Aurors sent to arrest her to her office as we went past them on our way out of the school. Our things should be here shortly, courtesy of Lucius' ex-house elf that practically worships our imp."

"Its not my fault that I managed to trick Lucius into freeing Dobby," Harry said irritably. "And if I could figure out how to get him to stop acting like I'm the next coming of Merlin I would."

"Is that what happened? No wonder Lucius doesn't particularly like you," Voldemort said with a smile dancing along his lips before turning serious. "Now that you've left I cannot allow either of you to return, any mail you receive must be checked for curses, potions, and portkeys before you can read them."

"I know," Harry said in a slightly depressed tone.

"I believe that the mail ward we were concerned about is still active. As we did not discover who set the original it might be prudent to simply dispel any spells or potions he might currently be under and then ask Gringotts to set up a different mail ward so that they can handle his mail," Severus suggested cautiously, choosing his words carefully as he was perfectly aware of who else was in the room and recognized the potential risk. "After all if he never received any of his _fan mail_ then it is completely possible that there were important missives mixed in as well. While we cannot retrieve what has already been sent and lost, we can hire the goblins to deal with screening any future mail. It might even be prudent to do so with our own mail considering our current understanding with the House of Potter. It might even be wise to post an apology in the prophet informing the public that he actually never received his mail because someone was obviously trying to control him or some such."

"That would mean leaving the reporter alive to write it," Voldemort said with a grimace and an irritated glare tossed towards the very quiet Rita Skeeter.

"Remember how the goblins said that Dumbledore was the one to decide I should live with Aunt Petunia? Well what if we offer to let her interview us properly and then sic her on Dumbledore? I mean if he was willing to do that to me what else has he done and who else has he tortured like that?" Harry said thoughtfully as Rita perked up looking at him with intense interest at the suggestion. While he didn't particularly like the woman he had to admit that she wrote wonderfully pointed yet elegant articles.

"He did threaten both of you," Voldemort said thoughtfully. "And he did make our lives a living hell before we were even out of school."

"Think of it this way, we can at least get them to look at making a proper magical orphanage if we can prove what we went through. We might even manage to get Dumbledore thrown out of Hogwarts and away from everyone underage until they can at least defend themselves. Honestly the crap I've had to put up with just isn't safe for most people. I mean how many people would it normally take to deal with a 1000 year old insane Basilisk? Or an Acromantula nest near the school numbering easily over 100? This can also be a courting gift from each of us to the other two," Harry pointed out persuasively.

"What? Are you not going to bring up the troll in your first year? Or the army of Dementors in your third? Heaven forbid you bring up the absolute mess that was the Tri-wizard Tournament," Severus pointed out sarcastically. "Then there are all of the assassination attempts that I made sure never got near you, not to mention the insanity that this year has become... Hold on, there's an Acromantula nest that large near the school? And you went near it!?"

"He was there for the troll and the stone. I have no idea what the idiots were thinking about the tournament or the Dementors," Harry shot back before hesitantly copping to visiting the nest. "As for the nest... Hagrid sent us to talk to the Acromantula he was raising inside the castle when Voldemort got him expelled. They told us about the Basilisk and that it was loose again. Apparently Basilisks really like eating them and are their ancient enemy. Also Acromantula that form attachments to one person and like them are not willing to ignore a completely new person as a possible food source even if they were sent by their friend. Though they do have an established heirarchy and will obey the leader of the nest and Hagrid was able to teach the first one English because he talked to me and Ron."

"My lord... I don't understand," A random nearby Death Eater practically stuttered in confusion and shock at the revelations falling around them like a torrent of water.

"This was one of the issues that were to be addressed tonight," Voldemort told them with a long suffering sigh at both the Death Eater's stupidity and Harry's knack for finding himself in dangerous situations. "It was recently discovered that as of October 31st, 1981 a magical contract formed between myself and Harry Potter adding him to the Slytherin family. Severus and I either have to marry him or blood adopt him. To make this even more confusing we discovered that we each hold multiple titles we weren't aware of and some of them are heirships to what I hold. Officially, I am Lord Slytherin, Lord Peverell, Lord Gaunt, and Lord La Fey with Severus and Harry holding the heirships to Slytherin and Peverell respectively. Just as I hold the Slytherin, Peverell, Gaunt, and La Fey Lordships Harry holds the Potter, Gryffindor, and Ambrosius Lordships with an heirship to both Black and Peverell lines. Severus, on the other hand holds the Ravenclaw Lordships and the Slytherin heirship and is ineligible for the Prince Lordship though his children may yet claim it. This culminated in the discovery that Dumbledore has been meddling again, the details of which will be distributed in the general newsletter that will shortly be integrated into our method of operations to cut down on miscommunication an false rumors. That said I expect you to cease attacking my fiances and protect them if a situation arises."

"Lovely, we get to rely on the same people who have been trying to kill me for years to help protect us," Harry said sarcastically.

"Behave and I'll let you start pranking them as part of their combat training," Voldemort offered. The bribe had Harry lit up like a Christmas tree. He had such a sweet smile that he had more than half of their audience resisting the urge to coo and take him home with them or conversely deeply scared of what he would do to them.

Severus breathed a sigh of relief, as much as he understood the need to vent emotions he had worried over how Harry had broken down at Hogwarts. To see their mischievous, impulsive, reckless imp light up like that was an unending relief, a reaction he suspected that Voldemort shared. Though their imp did have a point about the possibly painful revelations for the media interview counting as a possible courting gift. It would also simplify things since obtaining gifts would likely to be increasingly difficult and dangerous over the next few months if not years. Voldemort took that as the perfect chance to end the meeting peacefully, directing that Rita be locked up in a cell designed to prevent the animagus transformation and took his fiances with him when he retired for the night.


	12. Truthful Reporting and Lucius' Misery

Over the next several days they settled into a routine Voldemort would collect his fiances from their rooms to either side of his own, they would sit down for breakfast with the Malfoys. Harry would occasionally ask about Rita Skeeter only to get smirked at before asking suspiciously if his fiances were planing on taking revenge for him against everyone who had hurt him before stalking off to spend the day in the library planing his pranks. The smirks and general silence on what he considered important matters really started to irk him by the third day when Voldemort asked him to come with them somewhere after breakfast.

"Why?" Harry asked suspiciously. "You've been letting me sulk and plan my prank war since I got here so why the change?"

"Just because we wanted to properly prepare our courting gifts is no reason to be suspicious and you haven't been sulking," Severus pointed out dryly. "Don't deny it. I saw you practically dancing just yesterday over some discovery or another that you plan to use in your pranks."

Harry tried to scowl but it slipped into a cute pout instead, earning him indulgent looks from his fiances, a smirk from Lucius, and Narcissa hiding her smile as she tried not to laugh or coo over him. Nagini had been delighted to actually meet the two of them the night they arrived and proceeded to mother both of them and scold her "Tom" for not realizing they were perfect mate material immediately. Voldemort sulked after being scolded by her for a good twenty minutes much to everyone's amusement, with Harry blushing the entire time having actually understood what she'd said before darting out of the room laughing. It was when they all moved to the converted ballroom that Harry got blindsided, staring in shock at a perfectly healthy if slightly wan Rita Skeeter.

"I don't know if I should yell at you, ask what happened, or ignore you and pretend that you don't exist," Harry said honestly to the obviously exhausted witch.

"Whatever you like Lord Potter, I likely wouldn't be alive if you hadn't intervened," Rita admitted with brutal self honesty as her eyes darted nervously between him and his fiances.

"You proposed a joint sharing of our pasts as one of our gifts to each other," Severus said as he came up behind Harry allowing his hands to rest on the smaller wizard's shoulders. "There were certain steps we needed to take if we were going to let her walk away, with or without a story for the damnable newspaper. This interview is going to be difficult for all of us even without the weakened form of Veritaserum that we all agreed to take. Miss. Skeeter has agreed to print the interview verbatim with minimal commentary. All that we need is for you to agree and to administer the truth serum before giving her the interview of her life."

"You can say no and wait until you're ready to share with us in private," Voldemort offered quietly, they had agreed that this was more for Harry than each other. They had also agreed that they would be having a little chat with anyone Harry named in the interview as one of his tormentors. Taking a deep breath Harry sharply nodded his agreement and they all sat down on conjured chairs at an equally conjured table, Severus and Voldemort sharing a couch with Harry placed protectively in between them.

"No secrets," Voldemort said softly, offering the small potion bottle to Harry first. Harry swallowed hard before opening his mouth and sticking out his tongue.

Voldemort smiled softly and administered the three drops of the potion before taking his own dose and handing the bottle to Severus who administered it to Rita then himself and pocketed the potion. No one had bothered to warn Rita that as an extra precaution the parchment she was using had been soaked in truth serum and that the ink had been mixed with it before being added to the never out quill. This made it impossible to record anything but the truth and they would all have to word their questions carefully. Rita quickly enchanted the quill to record their discussion in its own and began the discussion.

"So, now that we've all taken a weakened form of Veritaserum and agreed to having this printed not only truthfully but verbatim I need to establish some things for our readers. I am Rita Eloise Skeeter, half-blood, freelance reporter for the Daily Prophet, and an unregistered beetle animagus. Sitting with me is Potions Master Severus Snape, the Dark Lord Voldemort, and the Boy-Who-Lived Harry Potter who have agreed to this interview as a part of their courtship," Rita dictated to the quill, silently reminding herself that she would have to indicate who the questions were being asked of to avoid all of them answering at once. "As far as the Wizarding World knows Heir Potter had been raised as a hero with a golden childhood and to my knowledge little is known about your own childhoods. Since I have arrived here I have heard indications that this might not be the case. How might this have happened and how did your courtship come about, Professor Snape?"

"From what we have discovered Headmaster Dumbledore is the only reason he was placed in an unsuitable home. Our discovery of Lord Potter's abuse and of the marriage contract to join our families occurred within a single span of slightly less than three hours while delivering a potion to Umbridge. The ministry's lackey and this year's first DADA professor had demanded that I provide her with Veritaserum to illegally use on the students. She claimed that she had ultimate authority on Hogwarts grounds and that everything she did was with the Minister's backing. This turned out to include torturing the students, reading everyone's mail, controlling all outside communication, assigning detentions, expulsions, and suspensions like they were candy for incidents similar to simply having one's tie crooked. She also refused to teach anything except the theory in her class while harassing and threatening the rest of the staff, eventually finding a way to chase Dumbledore from Hogwarts' very halls," Severus explained carefully, masterfully sticking to the truth without revealing their more dangerous secrets unnecessarily. "As you know Dumbledore took custody of Harry Potter the night his parents died and placed him with is maternal aunt who is well known for her hatred of anything and anyone magical. Upon learning that Dumbledore was aware of the abuse and has been forcing him to return each summer I and the others present were naturally horrified."

"I will tell the rest, Severus," Voldemort said quietly before taking up the story at the other man's nod of relief. "The magic of Hogwarts mixed with a special magical situation had summoned me to the school under the truce magics along with a goblin representative to solve an inconsistency. The inconsistency was discovered during the course of events following Professor Snape's removal of Harry Potter from class of which the three of us are bound not to discuss. To summarize what can be shared it was discovered that Dumbledore had attempted to force a mentorship bond with all three of us at one time or another while contributing to our abusive home lives during our schooling by sending us back. This lead to an automatic audit on our accounts and certain goblin performed tests, including a blood test. During these tests it was revealed that we each have at least one Lordship and that my actions the night the Potters died activated an obscure aspect of magic and the spells Lady Potter had put in place to protect her son. This led to his protection from my spell and the forming of a magical marriage contract between the three of us. The marriage contract can only be satisfied if either I or Professor Snape marry our green-eyed imp or one of us blood adopts him. To avoid Dumbledore's further attempts to abuse his position of authority over Harry we took joint custody after the goblin cleared us as being safe to use either method to resolve the situation."

Rita was gaping by this point having never suspected any of this and mentally salivating at all of the juicy secrets that were coming to light right in front of her.

"This is a shocking amount of information and some very dangerous accusations," Rita practically stuttered, still trying to process the information she had been given.

The rest of the interview consisted of questions about their childhoods conducted by the increasingly dazed reporter. By the end of it all Harry was shivering in their arms as the three fiances drew comfort from one another. Skeeter packed up in a zombie like daze, before being transported via house elf to the Daily Prophet completely unaware of where she had been held for the last three days.

"That wasn't fun," Harry said softly, still shivering with both of them wrapped firmly around him.

"No, it wasn't but it was necessary for us to heal and at least slow Dumbledore down. Its over now. We can give you the nicer part of our courting gift and rest for the next few days while you prank the hell out of everyone," Severus told him honestly as he soothingly brushed back the black mop that Harry called hair. They spent the rest of the day cuddling and sipping hot chocolate before turning in for the night. The next morning Harry's prank war began.

Lucius was the first victim sleepily waking up late and stumbling into the en-suite for a shower. Barely awake enough not to land flat on his face he slid into the instantly perfect temperature shower and proceeded to sleepily wash, using three separate shampoos. Shampoos that had all been replaced by a green-eyed imp the day before. Each _shampoo_ had its own effect while not normally combined with the others resulted in a spectacular display of color and pattern shifts that had the Malfoy Lord screaming in outrage over the ruination of his perfectly pampered hair.

The scream had woken everyone in the same wing of the house and caused Harry to silently smirk before burying himself back into his warm blankets as he fell back asleep dreaming of the results of the prank. Unfortunately for Lucius the shampoo was only the first part of the prank, the second part kicked in when he tried to storm out of his rooms. Lucius Abraxas Malfoy was suddenly garbed in a pink tutu, multi-colored checkered leggings, neon green high heeled stiletto strap covered boots that reached his knees, and a classic ruffled lavender _woman's_ pirate shirt. The bright pink bow holding back his hair, the bright red lipstick, and the minty green eye shadow didn't help any, tending to clash horribly with the kaleidoscope of colors and patterns that now made up his hair.

The first person who saw it and laughed (Rudolphus Lestrange as the Lord of the Manor stormed past) got hit with the third part of the prank. Rudolphus Lestrange found himself swinging upside down from his ankles near the ceiling in muggle skinny jeans and a t-shirt that could easily be read by those standing on the ground saying, **I like Pirate Booty, ask me how**. Severus saw the mess that was Lucius and immediately did a spit take with his second morning coffee adding hot coffee in the face to Lucius' indignation.

Voldemort walked in for breakfast just in time to see the coffee fly. A quick glance over the scene with Rudolphus scrambling into the dining room clawing his way along the ceiling was all it took for the Dark Lord to deduce that the prank war had begun. He silently thanked the gods that he had specifically told their imp that both he and Severus were off limits until they actively joined in. When told Harry had just shrugged and said he wasn't stupid before going and looking up common Werewolf allergies, presumably to be used against Greyback or Lupin whenever they managed to kidnap him for a visit.

"This is going to be an interesting day," Voldemort said slowly as he breathed deeply, reaching for a sense of calm.

"Its still better than how poorly he reacted to the interview and what happened at the school, even if we become targets," Severus said firmly as he magicked away the coffee mess. "How do you think the magic will react if he becomes suicidal? The fact that he hasn't gone insane or tried to jump off the astronomy tower with everything he's been through is an utter miracle. That he has retained his ability to have fun and let go for even a moment without turning to artificial or harmful means is a blessing of the highest order from the gods on high."

"The chocolate and cuddling session yesterday probably helped, though I do wonder how everyone is going to react to the interview. Have they printed it yet?" Voldemort asked curiously, ignoring the chaos around them as Lucius started braying like a donkey after trying to guzzle his morning tea.

"You promised him pensive memories as well?" Severus asked wryly. Voldemort nodded and Severus handed over the morning paper. The headline read _**The Mystery Suitors of the Boy-Who-Lived Revealed!**_ , _**Golden Boy Potter and the Tarnished Childhood**_ , _**Dumbledore Accused of Child Abuse by Dark Lord and Boy-Who-Lived**_ , _**Dark Lord gains Potter Guardianship due to Dumbledore's Ineptitude**_.

"It could be worse," Voldemort said with a sigh. "The paper is probably why he's hiding in bed rather than out here enjoying the start of his prank war."

"I can not say I blame him after the hard truths we shared with Skeeter yesterday," Severus agreed softly as he sipped at his new cup of coffee.

"Do you know if Lucius was his only target today or if he's planning on pranking anyone else?" Voldemort asked taking a bite of his eggs.

"I believe that Lucius was the only one he managed to set up before we had to talk to Skeeter so everyone else should be safe for the day," Severus commented almost idly as they enjoyed the show of Lucius miserably trying to eat in his spelled on and stuck attire. "After hearing that Lucius nearly killed him simply for freeing the elf I do believe he's getting off lucky."

"I do believe you are right, but it still wouldn't surprise me if Harry shaved him bald at some point just because," Voldemort said with a smirk, enjoying the look of horror and loud bray of terror as Lucius clutched at his multi-colored hair protectively.

"How long are they spelled to last?" Severus asked, mischief dancing in his obsidian colored eyes.

"He actually managed to randomize it depending on activation and with a few safety features included. They'll last anywhere from 30 minutes to a week and any glamour spells cast to cover it will need to be refreshed every 15 - 20 min." Voldemort answered cheerfully. "I'll send a house elf to him with something to eat and some chocolate later. We can check on him at lunch time to make sure he's alright and let him watch our memories."

Severus simply nodded his quiet agreement and turned back to his meal.


	13. Umbridge's Revenge

The next few days saw a multitude of pranks being played on the various Death Eaters. Very few were spared the barrage of pranks and almost no one managed to escape if they happened to be the true target. Then someone managed to catch Harry with his own prank while he was in the middle of setting it up. Both Severus and Voldemort were delighted when they saw Harry laughing maniacally running down one of the long hallways chasing several Death Eaters with water balloons filled with something that clearly wasn't water. The true happiness and pure joy that came from the seriously conducted prank war had chased away the pain of the interview.

Sadly the rest of the wizarding world did not have such a distraction causing the public to bay for blood to the point of near riots in every major wizarding center in the British Isles. There was talk of removing Harry's guardianship by force and placing him in the care of a different wizarding family until the goblins came forward and put a stop to it. They detailed the magic that was required for Voldemort to not only take guardianship but also the facts of the marriage contract, explaining that the magic would not have allowed him to do so without confirming his strength as a protector. It was also pointed out that since they had still technically been enemies at the time of the discovery of the marriage contract it automatically upgraded to a royal marriage contract. Since royal marriage contracts of that caliber were only ever used to end wars or blood feuds and the magic of the contract pre-dated the ministry, the ministry was bound by it as well. This effectively ended the war the moment they accepted the fact of the marriage contract's existence and would you all please stop harassing or killing Gringotts customers thank you very much.

A very detailed explanation of the marriage contract situation that was translated into easy to understand segments was swiftly published by the bank at their own cost. This rather expensive attempt at getting their customers to stop trying to kill each other and actually spend their money not only worked but provided a few benefits to Harry and his fiances. None of them could be arrested or taken from each other legally and any attempt at forcibly separating them had several levels of consequences depending on situation, backing, and intention.

None of that concerned Harry one wit since he was currently hiding in the large garden of Malfoy Manor giggling as he watched his previous group of pursuers slip and slide about on the impromptu ice rink in over sized clown costumes. Bella's shrieks of rage and frustration simply made Harry giggle all the harder as her giant red shoes slid about like unruly skates on a gawky teenager that suddenly found themselves sliding all over a pond sized patch of black ice. The lovely acid green facial makeup matched with the traditional red lips and bulbous nose really brought out the black of the makeup circling her eyes. Of course the giant pink gauze and wire fairy wings stuck to her back didn't exactly help her balance much.

Harry was having fun but alas it was not meant to last. He never saw the stupefy that knocked him out cold nor who grabbed him and managed to portkey away with his unconscious body. He would later be told of the terrifying roars of raw fury that his fiances gave off when they were told he was gone, presenting them his wand left lying on the ground, when they realized someone taken him.

Harry woke to the unpleasant sight of everything covered in pink. It took a moment for him to realize with a groan that not only had Umbridge somehow gotten a hold of him but that she had also somehow gotten free or was cleared of the blood quill mess. It burned him to know she wasn't going to be punished for torturing Hogwarts students from seventh years all the way down to little firsties. 

Once he quit fuming over her escape the fact that he was very probably at her mercy reared its ugly head in his mind. Deciding to pay attention to more then the pink decor Harry wasn't exactly pleased to discover that he was chained to the wall and his wand was no where in sight. In retrospect it made sense but he was used to people in the wizarding world not taking common sense into account and thus hadn't developed the escape abilities common to muggles who wound up in similar situations. Several hours of poor attempts to remove the magically seamless shackle keeping him attached to the wall yielded nothing but frustration and with long practice quickly suppressed the urge to loudly demand anything from his captors. At least the Dursleys had been good for helping him control his impulses somewhat.

A horrid high pitched giggle had him whirling to face a suspiciously darkened corner of the room that he had failed to notice. A rustle of cloth and the corner lit up to show Umbridge sitting in a pink wingback chair smiling at him, a hand resting on a softly glowing ball of glass that had obviously been enchanted for use as a table lamp. Harry glared viciously at her without making a sound, waiting for her to make the first move.

"How nice of you to join me Mr. Potter," Umbridge said sweetly, causing Harry to redouble his glare.

A cat that had moved to sit at his feet meowed at him, distracting him from the impromptu staring contest with the pink toad. The cat pawed at the air asking to be pet. Harry resisted the cuteness bravely but finally caved, rationalizing that he might actually have a better chance at remaining undamaged if he showed her that he liked cats too. Harry glared at her one last time before kneeling to pet the cat who started purring under his hands.

"I thought you were a bird person," Umbridge said tartly, eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"Hedwig was a gift. I can't keep a cat because my relatives would kill it in front of me just to torture me and they've been too closely associated with witches and wizards for centuries. They hate magic and have repeatedly tried to destroy what magic I have," Harry said as dispassionately as he could. "I like cats I just can't keep one safe. Hedwig is safer because I just have to break a window to help her escape and I've jiggered the lock on her cage so it won't work right, though that isn't much help when they padlock her into it."

"Interesting. You still have to be punished no matter your appropriate fondness for felines but I believe I might be able to be a bit more lenient than I had first thought," Umbridge informed him with a false giggle and an ugly smile.

"Mind sending my remains to my fiances? It will at least tell them that they can stop looking for me," Harry asked as blandly as possible. He mentally fought a despair he hadn't realized he harbored as he felt his last hope for a family crack.

"What makes you think there will be remains?" Umbridge asked cruelly.

Before Harry could even twitch her wand was up and he was hit by a spell. The pain that immediately flooded his body had him screaming as he writhed and _changed_ , the scream shifting mid-sound into a yowl as his vocal cords altered to match his new body as the shackles fell away. Where once had been a young man hailed as a hero by many now stood a small black kitten with luminous green eyes and a white patch of fur perfectly mimicking the scar on his forehead. There was another white fur patch that matched the scars on his leg and arm from the Acromantula and Basilisk.

The cat that he had been petting moved closer to the still panting kitten. The adult cat sniffed him before deciding to clean him as Umbridge giggled gleefully from her pink wingchair. Harry felt the grooming spell hit him but barely managed to twitch in his exhausted kittyfied state. Satisfied the pink bitch left the room leaving Harry alone with the adult cat that had apparently adopted him. Watching the cat wash him out of the corner of his new eye Harry finally took note of the fact that it was pure white and seemed just as disgusted by the decor as he was. He was too weak to do more than mewl a quiet protest when the white cat picked him up by the scruff of the neck and carried him away as he finally fell unconscious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do we turn Umbridge over to Harry's fiances? Does she get arrested again? Does Harry even escape? Is he rescued by the Aurors/Ministry? Will they force him back to Hogwarts or simply keep him away from his fiances?
> 
> Ideas always welcome!


	14. Ministry Impertinence

Snape paced back and forth snarling and snapping at anyone who got near him. Even Voldemort wasn't spared a tongue lashing when the Potion Master was ordered to sit down. The last straw for the man was when Bellatrix snidely commented that her lord was better off without the weakling brat. Before Voldemort could twitch to punish her Severus had hit her with several nasty hexes that easily could have killed her. Thankfully he'd had the presence of mind not to go for the kill. That didn't stop him from putting her in a lot of pain but at least the Lestrange brothers wouldn't be planning a funeral. It was as his wand lowered that Voldemort came up behind him and pulled him into the same comforting hug he would have offered Harry had their small fiance been there.

"I will kill whoever took him," Severus told the other man flatly, not resisting but also not openly accepting the offered comfort.

"And I will help," Voldemort agreed, never even thinking of releasing his fiance from his arms. "But first we have to find him and get him back. As long as we first get him back we can leisurely hunt whoever had the audacity to take him."

"If they've harmed him..." Severus said ominously, as Voldemort tried to sooth him.

"Shush, they will pay for everything that they've done to him. We've already caught the traitor who knocked him out and sent him off via portkey. The fool is down in the dungeons if you'll recall," Voldemort reminded his fiance.

"If Dumbledore or the Ministry get their hands on our little one, our imp," Severus fretted. He continued fretting until Voldemort snagged one of his own calming potions from his inner pocket and fed it to him.

"He is more than capable of defending himself for the most part, and getting out of trouble. He wouldn't have survived my attacks for so long if he wasn't resourceful," Voldemort pointed out as the potion forced his dark fiance into a calmer frame of mind. "We will get him back and then we will show him that we do not share or play well with others."

"For him we would," Severus said miserably.

"For him we would," Voldemort echoed in agreement. "But for now we need to get him back, before they either hurt him or find some way to control him or force him against us."

"My lord! The Ministry found him! Someone was visiting former Undersecretary Umbridge and tripped over him. She went off on a screaming fit and let slip who he was. They confirmed it with an identity spell and had her back in Auror custody within an hour. The idiot who was visiting is claiming he was there against his will since she was originally supposed to be in Auror custody over that article in the paper. No one's bothered to change him back," a random lower level Death Eater informed them.

"What was he turned into? And who found him?" Severus asked sharply.

"Kingsley Shacklebolt and he was turned into a cat. Apparently the woman is mad about cats and pink," the man told them before leaving at the Dark Lord's wave of dismissal.

"They will either keep him at the Ministry or Hogwarts. Considering he's not human shaped at the moment its either St. Mungoes or Hogwarts. As they want an excuse to take over the school it will be Hogwarts. Right where we don't want him, where he's in the most danger," Voldemort growled in obvious agitation.

"Kingsley is a member of Dumbledore's Order and shouldn't have been there. I can not think of anyone on our side which he might have suborned but as a spy I wasn't privy to everything, merely most things that he wasn't keeping strictly to himself," Severus growled in frustration.

"We already found the patsy and broke the imperious curse on him but they tagged him in Diagon Alley and we aren't sure who actually cast the spell," Voldemort reminded him, going over the information they had discovered since Harry's disappearance. Severus stopped short, thinking of Bellatrix's earlier comment before he hexed her to oblivion and back.

"Bellatrix," Severus said softly.

"What?" Voldemort asked, turning to face his brilliant husband.

"It was likely Bellatrix. She's always been jealous of your attention and neither she nor Dumbledore feel that the truce is in the best interests of Dark or Light, respectively. She also was one of Harry's more recent prank targets and made a comment about us being better off without him," Severus said with a scowl.

"We'll deal with it once we've got our imp back," Voldemort said stubbornly. He immediately contradicted himself by sending an elf to watch her with specific instructions on what to do if she turned out to be a problem.

"If they refuse we can always point out that by taking him they've already breached the treaty and we are well within our rights to start attacking again," Severus said with a bloodthirsty smile. Voldemort didn't say anything, instead he kissed his fiance for his bloodthirsty brilliance.

Somewhere within the ministry a small black cat shivered miserably. He had been hit with a blast of conjured ice water by someone, ostensibly to wash any potions and the like from his fur. They hadn't bothered to dry him off so he was sitting there miserably, dripping wet and kept in cold stone room still stuck in the shape of a cat. Getting out wasn't an option yet and no one had even bothered to speak to him. The person who had found him with Umbridge had tried to kick him into a wall and only the fit the woman had thrown and his seeker/cat reflexes had saved him.

The door to Harry's cell swung open nearly six hours after he'd been tossed inside it and Kingsley Shacklebolt stalked in.

"Sorry about this," Kingsley muttered in a snide tone as he roughly scooped up the shivering kitten and quickly left the cell.

The pair moved upwards through the ministry and heading for what Harry recognized as the Atrium when he finally managed to poke his little kitten head out of Kingsley's robes. He easily saw the stand off between an angry Fudge, a frustrated Dumbledore, and his smirking fiances. A delighted merow left his kitten lips as his magic spiked in joy at the sight of his fiances, drawing attention to himself and incidentally keeping Kingsley from sneaking out with him as ordered.

"Shacklebolt, give me back my imp!" Severus demanded, quickly descending upon the man like a demon bat out of hell.

"What? Dumbledore...." Kingsley started only to have Harry plucked from his robes with a sneer as the accompanying glare silenced him.

Harry snuggled into Severus' gentle grip with a sigh, still shivering a bit from the damp and cold he'd been subjected too. A cat sneeze that shook Harry's whole body kept Severus from ripping into the Auror who quickly took advantage of the situation and escaped. A careful examination told Severus that Harry was quickly getting sick from whatever had been done to him.

"Severus?" Voldemort asked coming up behind the dour man.

"Harry's getting sick from whatever they did to him. His magic reached out for us the moment he must have seen us," Severus explained, cuddling Harry close to his chest.

"I felt it as well," Voldemort agreed softly as the two of them proceeded to ignore everyone else and fuss over Harry.

Some idiot decided that their fussing was the perfect opportunity to hit both wizards in the back. Harry saw the spells incoming and howled a warning, his magic jumping to their defense as a golden sheild appeared a split second before the spells slammed into it. He was blissfully unconscious for the following uproar and the destruction of the ministry wards as his fiances ripped through them to apparate safety.

Harry woke warm and dry to quiet darkness on a semi-hard surface that moved. Kneading his paws and thus his claws he recognized the material as a heavy duty robe. Carefully turning around on the robe padded moving surface he came face to face with what seemed like a serpent nearly as large as the basilisk he'd fought in his second year. Jerking backwards with a yelp/yowl of fear and warning he tumbled from his perch only to discover that he'd been on top of Severus' chest as they lay on the bed and the monster snake was Nagini. Voldemort snorted awake as Harry bounced against his side, landing between his fiances.

"~Silly little creature,~" Nagini hissed in obvious amusement.

"~Well, you shouldn't have scared me!~" Kitty Harry hissed back, causing both Nagini to rear back in a combination of surprise and laughter while summoning Voldemort's full attention and waking Severus.

"Well that's a relief. If he can speak understandable parseltongue he can talk to us," Severus concluded with a deep chuckle of both amusement and relief.

"~Why?~" Harry hissed with a curious tilt of his head.

"Because it means that you weren't hurt by whatever spell she used," Voldemort said gently as he carefully sat up on the bed, not wanting to hurt Harry.

Harry laid his ears back in annoyance at his luck and the insanity of his previous captor. A little kitty sneeze erupted from him and sent him tumbling across the bed as he started shivering again.

"We don't know what she used on you so I don't want to risk giving you a pepper up," Severus said gently as he plucked the black cat from the covers and cradled him in his arms. Harry mewled miserably but nodded his understanding before cuddling up against his snarky fiance.

Severus huffed in amusement before gently ordering, "Go to sleep brat. We'll see about changing you back after we've all had a rest."

Harry complied and slipped into sleep to the rhythmic sound of their quiet breath.

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick reminder. If I haven't responded to your review, one of three things happened:  
> 1) I haven't seen it yet.  
> 2) I didn't think it needed a response  
> 3) It sparked some sort of inspiration and I'm keeping it as a reference (most common with long and detailed reviews)


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